To be put off using childminders because of the ones at toddler group?

[Strawberrypeachlime]

They actually seem like lovely women but they don’t watch the kids at all because they are chatting amongst themselves. Am I being unfair / unreasonable? I get it must be a really tough job but I would just want a bit more.

This threads reminds me why i never used childcare. I worked in childcare and could never use it after things i seen. Nothing actually bad, just lack of care and treating the children just as a means to an end eg.money

Am sure like in any job they are a mixed bunch
Personally I preferred the safety in numbered of the nursery

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Well ai had to work, the Dc certainly appreciate the additions income though

I just worry about what goes on at a childminders. What about when they need the toilet, do they leave the kids alone together? I had a 'friend' whose 3 year old used to attack my baby at every given opportunity (with mum not doing anything about it- hence why we are no longer friends).

She used a childminder for her little one (who was a bully with younger children/babies), it's what actually put me off using a CM, in case my little one was left alone even for a moment with a kid like that. At least at nursery, kids that don't get along/are bullies, can be kept apart by staff somewhat.

our CM was wonderful, we are still in touch as are all her other children's parents. She was a second mum to our DS's. We were very lucky

They still talk fondly of Mandy's treat box even now, and looking at tractor catalogues with Grandad (Mandy's dad)!

YANBU. I've been to many toddler and baby groups over the years and known many CMs and a few nannies. Only one actually interacted with the kids. The rest chatted without really watching the children or went on their phones for most of the time. They were all very personable towards me and in demand though. I suppose I reasoned with myself that this might be their only chance to get a break if their children don't nap... I'm not saying nurseries would be better but I presume there would be a manager there to oversee staff and the possibility of whistle blowing, accountability etc plus no phones allowed. I've been going to these groups for about 8 years now and it totally put me off both CMs and nannies as they all appeared lovely and in demand but that meant nothing.
Apologies to the good ones out there. I did get to know a lot of them but I know there must be some really excellent ones... maybe a norland nanny?????!!! But I have only really ever met 2 that I would trust and that is a small percentage.
Sorry if it sounds like I'm ganging up on CMs but all I can speak of is my own experience from toddler groups and cafes. I did use to work in a nursery so I know its tiring work but what I have experienced has sort of flabbergasted me and now I would only go with a CM that I had seen in action incognito at a toddler group. I wouldn't bother relying on a parents recommendation. Sorry to add to pile on.

I know a childminder who has put me off them. She actively disliked a couple of the kids. She doesn't enjoy her job and moans about it at every opportunity. She feeds the kids the cheapest low quality food she can get away with even though the parents are paying her for snacks. She is disorganized and loves to chat so she isn't fully engaged and looking after the kids. She can never see anythign her own child has done wrong and so he gets away with picking on the younger kids.

I've been at toddler groups and seen the same, there one that always had the three same ladies there...I also saw a few I thought were mums interacted with a few children and encouraging them..turned out the 'mums' were child minders.

As in you get some good childminders and not so good so judge if you happy to leave your child with that person

YANBU. Both my sisters went to childminders (different childminders, sisters have different mums) and they were both genuinely really lovely. However, I have witnessed several really disinterested ones at play groups and the local park who were more interested in doing anything but minding the children in their care. I appreciate it’s not an easy job, I wouldn’t do it, but that’s why I don’t do it. There are absolutely fantastic childminders, I’ve seen this myself, but I’ve seen far more who just are not interested.

There are some good ones. But too many not so good ones. Also a nursery is far more reliable IMHO.

There’s also a childminder in my local area who has a playground towel with her & wipes all the slides etc in the winter for all the kids. Also seen her at rhyme time. Maybe soft play not the best place for good examples

I visited several childminders and nurseries before putting my 3 kids in each time and I went with my gut each time. I was lucky enough to have 2 childminders who treated my kids like their own children.

It's definitely a reason why we use a nursery instead of a childminder or a nanny but at the same time, I imagine the good childminders and nannies largely go unnoticed at soft plays and toddler groups. Just like with nurseries, there will be good and bad ones.

This thread has been eye opening and I think maybe I’m just really lucky but every single childminder I’ve met has been a lovely, warm, engaged, nurturing human. I go to a lot of groups with my youngest and end up hanging out with the childminders because they’re the ones getting down on the floor playing with the kids (that’s not to slate the other adults. Many are juggling toddlers and tiny babies, lots of kids are taken by their grandparents who probably would not want to be crawling around on the floor - give it another ten years and I don’t think my knees would tolerate it either 😂)

Personally I haven’t experienced this, the childminders that go to the same toddler group as me and my DS are just fantastic, hands on, kind and engaged, but I don’t doubt there are crappy ones too. Makes me feel so sad for the kids, and for the parents as, like you say, they’ll have no idea 😞

I agree- and I know there’s good childminders but I’ve seen far too many dragging the kids on their errands or ignoring them at play groups to chat. At a nursery there’s more staff to hold everyone to account. Staff don’t have their phones when working etc.

I use both childminder and nursery and would go with my childminder 100% if I had the choice (she only has so many days available). Whilst I trust the nursery, the childminder provides much more for him on an individual level and the feedback from her is far more detailed. Having said that, when I was enquiring with childminders initially, she was the only one who replied with a completely coherent, professional email including references. I’ve met with both childminders and nurseries that I wouldn’t send my child to so I think it’s a bit sweeping to write one or the other off because of your limited experience

I've seen various small groups of childminders out at regular toddler groups. There was one who was really conscientious and doing a fantastic job while still chatting to the others. Some others were fine. Others were just a bit detached!

I did mention to my friends when I saw their kids with the first one having a lovely time as hopefully it reassured them. (I wouldn't have said anything if the CM was not great, although obviously would have if awful!)

Had the same thought the other day. I was at a soft play and the child minders were bitching about the mums of the babies / toddlers whilst the toddlers were getting injured/ fighting between themselves/ babies crying and ignored etc

I know what you mean. When I was looking for childcare, I would watch the group of childminders so I'd know who NOT to use.

Luckily, I found a lovely one.

I later became a childminder myself and behaved on the basis that I knew exactly how it felt to leave your child in childcare and so I always cared for those children as if they were my own. In fact, I took even more care of them. On the surface, I probably didn't look like a childminder as I made sure I kept a small setting.

I steered well clear of those childminders breaking the rule of "in sight and/or hearing at ALL times" and kept myself to myself.

I couldn't believe how many of them would let very young toddlers go off on the soft play out of sight by themselves. I watched mine like a bloody hawk! I could never forgive myself if I lost a child.

My advice is to look out for the good ones.

Nurseries are awful. We lasted 3 days with one (spotted some appalling stuff on CCTV) and that was after looking around about 10 of them. What I saw there made me cry. I have two friends who worked in nurseries when they were younger and both said they would never, ever put their own child in a nursery.

I’m a childminder and have to say it’s usually the opposite too 😬 I love going to childminder playgroups as I can pretty much guarantee that the children will be much more closely monitored than regular toddler groups. Things like children wandering around with biscuits in their hands and dropping crumbs for my allergy baby to discover, toddlers being rough/ unsafe without an adult noticing, children climbing on furniture etc just don’t happen.

I have been asked specifically to attend forest school classes and music groups in the area because my children help fill up the class and have such high levels of engagement and are a great example to newbies of expectations in the class.

I do however often feel judgement when I go anywhere where my immediate attention isn’t needed, so this thread explains that a bit. We go to messy play class, forest school, music sessions, sports class etc all where I actively sit and participate with the children but if I dare to take my group of 3 year olds to a stay and play and sit and converse with other parents I get looks that suggest I should be doing something 😂like I’m a Children’s entertainer rather than guardian.

It’s particularly interesting to me because I have young children myself, and no one turns a blind eye when I do the same with my own children. My mindees parents chose a home-from-home setting for a reason, and it wasn’t so I could treat them differently to my own. The ability to play independently and without everything being adult led is so important and many of these children are with me for 50-60 hours a week. Having said that, I watch my children like a hawk and I am always the first to intervene when incidents arise. Like I say though, I very rarely see anything different from other professionals.

I personally wouldn't have paid (and didn't pay) anyone to look after my children at all. You make your decisions and don't worry about what other people choose to do.

Agree entirely. I've always thought they would be a better option than nursery as it's more personal, but the ones at the local toddler group - who were all very nice if you talked to them 1-2-1 put me off CMs entirely. Lots of chatting amongst themselves and eye rolls when the children needed them for something.

I remember so clearly seeing a very upset toddler who just didn't want to be there that day. The CM admitted the girl had a bad nights sleep and was getting over being unwell so would have liked to have stayed at the house that day, before saying to the other CMs "but I couldn't cope not seeing you all this week". So instead this little girl was upset and largely being ignored in a loud hall full of children.