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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would of/could of/should of

234 replies

Getamoveon36 · 13/12/2023 12:46

Please make it stop.

AIBU?

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/12/2023 15:04

Another Facebook marketplace thing is footstall. It's so pervasive that it's far more common than footstool. I've started keeping count in the last few weeks, and there's not been a single correct footstool yet, and nine footstalls. How did this happen?

Original poster
Getamoveon36 · 13/12/2023 15:06

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 15:01

@Getamoveon36

Does this not get taught in schools anymore? Genuinely curious. In the 70s when I went to school (state primary, piss poor area, single parent family) we were taught this. We weren’t privileged, we just got taught it.

I went to more than 10 schools before I was 12. I moved from parent to auntie and back multiple times (one in Wales and one in Scotland) - I'm autistic, I have ADHD and I was living the situation that left my with complex PTSD. School may have been teaching it, but I wasn't learning it. I spent the majority of my primary school years deeply traumatised.

You say you were not privileged, fair enough, but I didn't have the same opportunities as you.

@beautifullittletree I accept that and I am sorry that was your situation.

I would struggle to believe similar circumstances apply to all of those who don’t use correct grammar and spelling. Maybe I’m wrong,🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
crozzfit · 13/12/2023 15:06

Thought this thread was going to be about the Beverly Knight song, but no. As you were. I myself concur

Vinrouge4 · 13/12/2023 15:06

His instead of he’s
don’t get me started on que

Anisette · 13/12/2023 15:07

What I find odd with MN is that you can slag off someone's fashion choices, choice of names, driving, cooking, the way they bring up their children, how they keep their house, and much, much more without anyone turning a hair. However, dare to suggest that "could of" is wrong in a thread and you will get at least twenty people descending on you from a great height and tearing you apart. Really weird standards.

ElevenSeven · 13/12/2023 15:07

don’t get me started on que

Oh really don’t 🤣. The lighthearted thread went downhill fast

munchmagic · 13/12/2023 15:09

@beautifullittletree but why? As someone who is dyslexic I know how hard I (and others) have worked to make sure to not be thought of as lazy etc. There is a significant difference between someone being genuinely dyslexic to someone with lazy grammar. The would of/could of/draws people are the latter.
Being continuously associated with this only undermines dyslexia for everyone. And faux sympathy for laziness is not helpful.

mathanxiety · 13/12/2023 15:09

Meh.
Some are disinterested.

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 15:09

@Getamoveon36

I would struggle to believe similar circumstances apply to all of those who don’t use correct grammar and spelling. Maybe I’m wrong,🤷‍♀️

Of course they don't, but it's not too much of a stretch to see that we all haven't had a basic education. Especially those of us who are a bit older as not being in school wasn't seen as a huge deal the way it is now. I was off so much, I won't have been the only one.

shepherdsangeldelight · 13/12/2023 15:09

Anisette · 13/12/2023 15:02

I don't point out errors, mostly because it tends to derail the thread. However, when someone is asking for help and advice, I tend to be less inclined to give it if they clearly couldn't be bothered to write the post clearly.

Generally where I've seen corrections it's 95% of times along the lines of
OP: Can you tell me what I should of done?

Responder (e.g) You should have .....
OR You should HAVE ....
OR It's should "have". What I'd suggest in this situation ...

which is not derailing the thread particularly and is about as gentle as you can get.

I admit that occasionally you have someone who rants, write their post all in capitals and calls the OP an uneducated fool, but these are IMO pretty rare, and most posters who point out such mistakes genuinely do so without labouring the point.

munchmagic · 13/12/2023 15:09

Anisette · 13/12/2023 15:07

What I find odd with MN is that you can slag off someone's fashion choices, choice of names, driving, cooking, the way they bring up their children, how they keep their house, and much, much more without anyone turning a hair. However, dare to suggest that "could of" is wrong in a thread and you will get at least twenty people descending on you from a great height and tearing you apart. Really weird standards.

Yes! 😄

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 15:11

munchmagic · 13/12/2023 15:09

@beautifullittletree but why? As someone who is dyslexic I know how hard I (and others) have worked to make sure to not be thought of as lazy etc. There is a significant difference between someone being genuinely dyslexic to someone with lazy grammar. The would of/could of/draws people are the latter.
Being continuously associated with this only undermines dyslexia for everyone. And faux sympathy for laziness is not helpful.

Mostly because I was trying to point out it's not lazy. It's a lack of ability or education.

saraclara · 13/12/2023 15:11

Anisette · 13/12/2023 15:07

What I find odd with MN is that you can slag off someone's fashion choices, choice of names, driving, cooking, the way they bring up their children, how they keep their house, and much, much more without anyone turning a hair. However, dare to suggest that "could of" is wrong in a thread and you will get at least twenty people descending on you from a great height and tearing you apart. Really weird standards.

That's because the other things are choices. And usually those people have posted on here asking for advice or opinions on those things.

One's education level is rarely a choice, and the people getting slagged off have not come here to ask for advice on their spelling, grammar, or vocabulary.

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 15:12

Anisette · 13/12/2023 15:07

What I find odd with MN is that you can slag off someone's fashion choices, choice of names, driving, cooking, the way they bring up their children, how they keep their house, and much, much more without anyone turning a hair. However, dare to suggest that "could of" is wrong in a thread and you will get at least twenty people descending on you from a great height and tearing you apart. Really weird standards.

I suppose all of these things are things that people can control. Intellectual ability isn't.

Maybe

Henbags · 13/12/2023 15:15

My one is "Bought up" instead of "brought up"!!

ElevenSeven · 13/12/2023 15:16

Henbags · 13/12/2023 15:15

My one is "Bought up" instead of "brought up"!!

and conversely, ‘I brought this from shop’

cheesescheeses · 13/12/2023 15:18

'Haitch' rather than 'Aitch'
It makes my bum twitch.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 13/12/2023 15:19

I‘m all for rounding up those for whom „text“ is a past participle.

“He text me last night“

No. He texted.

LauderSyme · 13/12/2023 15:20

YANBU. Incorrect spelling and grammar proliferate more and more. Last week there were simultaneously half a dozen threads on here with spelling mistakes in their titles, never mind their content! It set my teeth on edge.

Having said that, I don't think I've ever pointed out mistakes to the OP because it's not the point of their post (and possibly because somebody else always already has!)

Some people may have entirely justifiable reasons for their lack of literacy but most don't, in my belief; they just can't be bothered to get it right and don't think it matters anyway. Whatever the reason, it is still a lack of literacy and those of us who find it annoying are literally not wrong.

ColleenDonaghy · 13/12/2023 15:21

cheesescheeses · 13/12/2023 15:18

'Haitch' rather than 'Aitch'
It makes my bum twitch.

The absolute classic example of someone marking themselves as uninformed by criticising something that is correct.

LakieLady · 13/12/2023 15:21

BeadedBubbles · 13/12/2023 14:26

So a poster got defensive because she was embarrassed about her mistake being pointed out multiple times? I feel sympathy for her tbh

But they insisted it wasn't a mistake! It was their preferred style. It was pointed out quite politely at first (not by me) but they became very aggressive. The consensus on the thread was that they had totally unnecessarily complained about a member of staff. So don't waste your sympathy on them.

Was that the thread complaining about being made to pay 30p for a carrier bag?

munchmagic · 13/12/2023 15:21

@beautifullittletree possibly in some cases, to be fair I can only go on the examples I know of in real life. I'm genuinely not meaning to leap into an argument with you by the way, so hope it doesn't seem that way.

The people I know in real life (who continually use the kind of grammar mentioned in this post) are all really well educated people. Many of them are educated to a higher standard than I am, a large number of them are actually primary school teachers which requires a degree level education where I live.
I can't comment on all MN posters of course, I don't know them personally. But from personal actual experience I have yet to meet a dyslexic person who does this, but I have met a heck of a lot of well educated people from pretty affluent areas who do. That's where my irritation lies I suppose, hope that maybe puts my thoughts into perspective a bit more clearly.

ColleenDonaghy · 13/12/2023 15:21

mathanxiety · 13/12/2023 15:09

Meh.
Some are disinterested.

Pretty sure that's another one that's hypercorrected - disinterested does indeed mean uninterested as well.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/12/2023 15:26

People just don't read as much as they used to. When I was young, umpty-tum years ago (back in the 60's and 70's actually but that's practically historical now), everyone belonged to a library. Everyone, even those who had problems reading, would have piles of books at home - it was only the speed at which you worked through the books that differentiated us. Everyone read. Nowadays everyone reads, but 90% of what they read appears to be online and subject to the incorrect spelling and grammar of everyone else who's never read a book.

threecupsofteaminimum · 13/12/2023 15:26

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 14:32

@threecupsofteaminimum

With the best will in the world I disagree. I'm a TEFL teacher, a latecomer to the profession. I genuinely believe my grasp of spelling and grammar is down to how much I read. I've always been a book worm, my mum says I used to read everything, even newspapers a a kid, this is not anything to do with disparity in educational opportunity. Libraries are free.

Are you always so ignorant?

Clearly not.

*swishes hair FlowersWink

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