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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would of/could of/should of

234 replies

Getamoveon36 · 13/12/2023 12:46

Please make it stop.

AIBU?

OP posts:
shearwater2 · 13/12/2023 14:36

I don't mind it so much in speech- and it can be hard to tell between could've and could of in some accents- but yes it should never be written.

munchmagic · 13/12/2023 14:39

@ColleenDonaghy and @beautifullittletree
I'm dyslexic. I find it tricky enough to read well written posts, but when you throw in incorrect words or grammar it really does make it very difficult to follow.
Then people will come along and cry "but maybe they're dyslexic", when in reality as an actually dyslexic person I work bloody hard to make sure my spelling and grammar are legible to others. In this day and age of spell check and grammar check freely available, there is not really an excuse.
The suggestion of "step away from the thread" if you find it tricky is not useful.

Anisette · 13/12/2023 14:40

Yes, please make it stop. I hate it, it makes no sense, and it comes over as lazy and rude.

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 14:42

@shepherdsangeldelight

Interesting that your post includes the phrase "nobody taught me otherwise" but yet you object to people (generally kindly and gently) pointing out where errors have been made. As you say yourself, how else are you supposed to know?

You provide fair point. However I haven't said it's not ok to tell people what I said was it's not ok to ridicule them for not knowing, and then I objected to multiple people saying the same to one person about one word.

I'm actually happy to learn but I don't take criticism well, mainly because of the way people have demonstrated on this thread that they think people should know how to write or all properly. I didn't and I'm leashing but when see yet another thread slating people for not knowing things it winds me up a bit

i suppose what i mean is i want to learn but i don't want to be made to feel stupid for not knowing things

ColleenDonaghy · 13/12/2023 14:43

munchmagic · 13/12/2023 14:39

@ColleenDonaghy and @beautifullittletree
I'm dyslexic. I find it tricky enough to read well written posts, but when you throw in incorrect words or grammar it really does make it very difficult to follow.
Then people will come along and cry "but maybe they're dyslexic", when in reality as an actually dyslexic person I work bloody hard to make sure my spelling and grammar are legible to others. In this day and age of spell check and grammar check freely available, there is not really an excuse.
The suggestion of "step away from the thread" if you find it tricky is not useful.

I absolutely get that munch but it's not just about dyslexia, it's about poor education. I've seen people's grammar criticised on here when they are seeking support. It's just such a miserable thing to do.

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 14:44

BeadedBubbles · 13/12/2023 14:34

@beautifullittletree - I was going to copy some of their very unpleasant remarks but I see they've been deleted. They went considerably beyond being defensive/embarrassed.

It doesn't matter to me how they behaved after the fact. It shouldn't happen. Multiple people making the same criticism isn't nice.

Anisette · 13/12/2023 14:44

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 14:32

@threecupsofteaminimum

With the best will in the world I disagree. I'm a TEFL teacher, a latecomer to the profession. I genuinely believe my grasp of spelling and grammar is down to how much I read. I've always been a book worm, my mum says I used to read everything, even newspapers a a kid, this is not anything to do with disparity in educational opportunity. Libraries are free.

Are you always so ignorant?

I think @threecupsofteaminimum has a point. When I was in primary school I was chronically disorganised and lazy and never used to take my spelling book home to learn the spellings for tests, yet always achieved very good marks. I'm sure it was because I loved to read, and therefore I just automatically recognised when a spelling or sentence formation looked wrong. Obviously it doesn't work for everyone, but it does for some.

Comefromaway · 13/12/2023 14:44

Nah, its wudda, cudda, shudda

Undineimmor · 13/12/2023 14:45

I could have prioritised my own needs instead of being a martyr
I should have prosecuted the people who drugged and abused me leaving me severly underweight and beoken
I would never make the same mistake again

I've luved the moral joyless life of a nun, working too hard, breaking no laws and putting my own needs last. Shoulda just have had fun instead. My bad😅

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 14:45

munchmagic · 13/12/2023 14:39

@ColleenDonaghy and @beautifullittletree
I'm dyslexic. I find it tricky enough to read well written posts, but when you throw in incorrect words or grammar it really does make it very difficult to follow.
Then people will come along and cry "but maybe they're dyslexic", when in reality as an actually dyslexic person I work bloody hard to make sure my spelling and grammar are legible to others. In this day and age of spell check and grammar check freely available, there is not really an excuse.
The suggestion of "step away from the thread" if you find it tricky is not useful.

I would have expected someone with a difficulty like dyslexia to be more understanding in this situation, not less.

Anisette · 13/12/2023 14:46

A newish one that irritates me is people referring to someone having "mental health" when they mean the opposite. It's almost tempting to point that having mental health is a good thing, except that in the context of someone discussing mental illness it will inevitably come over as crass.

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 14:47

@Anisette

We didn't all have access to reading books, or libraries (even if they are free) and I'm fucked if I'm going to be told all I needed to do was read more.

I do understand the value of reading but what I was talking about was much deeper than 'oh of people read more they would be ok'

TarkaDalOtter · 13/12/2023 14:48

ColleenDonaghy · 13/12/2023 14:43

I absolutely get that munch but it's not just about dyslexia, it's about poor education. I've seen people's grammar criticised on here when they are seeking support. It's just such a miserable thing to do.

Show quote history

I do agree. I am the worst pedant in my head. But I would never point out an error on someone’s post. It’s a dick thing to do and pretty pointless.

Some fellow pedants pretend they mention the mistake as the post otherwise does not make sense. But it’s always pretty easy to work out what is meant. And if the reader is struggling to work out what ‘que’ means, then maybe it’s not the other poster that needs help with their English language skills…

ColleenDonaghy · 13/12/2023 14:51

TarkaDalOtter · 13/12/2023 14:48

I do agree. I am the worst pedant in my head. But I would never point out an error on someone’s post. It’s a dick thing to do and pretty pointless.

Some fellow pedants pretend they mention the mistake as the post otherwise does not make sense. But it’s always pretty easy to work out what is meant. And if the reader is struggling to work out what ‘que’ means, then maybe it’s not the other poster that needs help with their English language skills…

Show quote history

Exactly, like you say I'm a pedant in my head. But the ones who point it out always read like they want to show off that they know the correct phrase.

Knowing it's should have and not should of doesn't make you smart, or special. Pointing it out to someone who doesn't know it can make you a dick though.

genesis92 · 13/12/2023 14:52

You wasn't was you?

Original poster
Getamoveon36 · 13/12/2023 14:53

Does this not get taught in schools anymore? Genuinely curious. In the 70s when I went to school (state primary, piss poor area, single parent family) we were taught this. We weren’t privileged, we just got taught it.

As @Anisette and @threecupsofteaminimum said, reading is key. There are some worrying stats in this study https://literacytrust.org.uk/research-services/research-reports/book-ownership-in-2022/#:~:text=In%202022%2C%2093.5%25%20children%20and,15%20(6.5%25)%20do%20not.

I think it matters how you communicate with others and like it or not, poor spelling and grammar does not give a good first impression.

Book ownership in 2022 | National Literacy Trust

This report uses data from our 2022 Annual Literacy Survey to track book ownership in children and young people and to investigate how the number of books at home relates to their reading engagement.

https://literacytrust.org.uk/research-services/research-reports/book-ownership-in-2022/#:~:text=In%202022%2C%2093.5%25%20children%20and,15%20(6.5%25)%20do%20not.

OP posts:
emmetgirl · 13/12/2023 14:53

@Silverbirchtwo exactly!

saraclara · 13/12/2023 14:55

Anisette · 13/12/2023 14:46

A newish one that irritates me is people referring to someone having "mental health" when they mean the opposite. It's almost tempting to point that having mental health is a good thing, except that in the context of someone discussing mental illness it will inevitably come over as crass.

That gets to me too. It makes no sense at all. I really want to point it out whenever I see or hear it, but I draw the line at correcting any individual other than my kids.

I've learned to live with "different to"

That's a lost cause, @LakieLady . I cling tenaciously to 'different from' but I suspect you and I will be the only ones left doing so in another year or two.

Less and fewer is heading that way, too.

Christmastwine · 13/12/2023 14:56

I struggle with these and other things that sound similar and the where, were, there etc, due to learning difficulties. Grammarly picks it up when I'm on my computer, but when I'm on a mobile and just casually chatting on a forum or whatsapp or text, I often do them and don't realise the mistake. I love reading and read a lot as a child and an adult but the spelling and grammar never stick.

ColleenDonaghy · 13/12/2023 14:58

Less and fewer is heading that way, too.

These threads have taught me that the common understanding of lesser vs fewer actually just originated from the preference of one man, and that the distinction is actually more subtle than countable vs uncountable.

saraclara · 13/12/2023 15:00

I do agree. I am the worst pedant in my head. But I would never point out an error on someone’s post. It’s a dick thing to do and pretty pointless.

Yep. I remind myself that A, my favorite ex-colleague (in a support role to me) struggled hugely with literacy. But she was worth her weight in gold in her role, and the sweetest person you could come across. So when I'm sorely tempted I remind myself that the person on the other side of the post could be another A.

AmethystSparkles · 13/12/2023 15:00

I only became involved in the ‘que’ debacle because the OP blatantly lied about why it had been spelled incorrectly.

I silently judge but I don’t point out errors. Mainly because I’m frightened of making my own errors, thus making myself look a fool! Much like the person above who’s said “I can’t bear it🙂”, which I think was meant to be a joke but obviously is correct grammar.

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 15:01

@Getamoveon36

Does this not get taught in schools anymore? Genuinely curious. In the 70s when I went to school (state primary, piss poor area, single parent family) we were taught this. We weren’t privileged, we just got taught it.

I went to more than 10 schools before I was 12. I moved from parent to auntie and back multiple times (one in Wales and one in Scotland) - I'm autistic, I have ADHD and I was living the situation that left my with complex PTSD. School may have been teaching it, but I wasn't learning it. I spent the majority of my primary school years deeply traumatised.

You say you were not privileged, fair enough, but I didn't have the same opportunities as you.

Anisette · 13/12/2023 15:02

I don't point out errors, mostly because it tends to derail the thread. However, when someone is asking for help and advice, I tend to be less inclined to give it if they clearly couldn't be bothered to write the post clearly.

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 15:04

Anisette · 13/12/2023 15:02

I don't point out errors, mostly because it tends to derail the thread. However, when someone is asking for help and advice, I tend to be less inclined to give it if they clearly couldn't be bothered to write the post clearly.

It's not a case of not being bothered though. Do you really think people who use the wrong words etc just cba to write it properly? They say should of instead of should have because they have 2 less letters to type or something?

If I write something g wrong it's becsue I don't know any better. I'm trying for sure, but please don't judge people as lazy when they are less educated or less able.