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Original poster

For not doing Christmas gifts with DH?

134 replies

pumpkinfarm · 13/12/2023 09:32

Does anyone else not swap Xmas gifts with their DP? Can't work out if it's a bit miserable of me. There's nothing we both want/need that we couldn't just buy ourselves. We share a bank account and I'd rather just use the money to pay off the mortgage tbh 😄

OP posts:
Olika · 13/12/2023 09:34

My DH isn't into gifts at all so I have stopped for his birthday or Xmas. He says he much rather spends the money on food.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 13/12/2023 09:34

We’ve had new tyres for the car and a boiler service!!!

ALL the romance here!!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/12/2023 09:40

We’re not doing them (again) this year - there’s nothing we particularly want or need. Dh is so hard to buy for anyway! So if he doesn’t need e.g. a new jumper or slippers….

As I’ve done before, I will shortly be doing a big shop just for the food bank - that will be our ‘joint present’ to each other.

FairytaleOfKent · 13/12/2023 09:48

My DH and I would do the same, but we both generally try to earmark something we need for Christmas in the run up. So, for instance, I need new running shoes. I sent DH a few options and said he can pick a colour. There's point in spending money for the sake of it, especially as money is tight with a pre-schooler and a baby.

Minfilia · 13/12/2023 09:49

We stopped gifting to each a couple of years ago and it’s honestly so liberating. I found it really stressful!

If we want something we just buy it (within reason) so we’d just be wasting money on pointless stuff. We just get some really nice food and wine and have that Xmas evening instead.

CalistoNoSolo · 13/12/2023 09:53

I think it is a bit miserable really. If dp and I can't think of anything we want, we book a weekend away together instead. Can't you at least treat each other to a meal in a swanky restaurant?

Blessedbethefruitz · 13/12/2023 09:54

We do smaller gifts usually. This year we got a robot hoover for us, which gives us both the gift of time (not least because ds4 likes to oversee robot hoover while he does his jobs lol).

I would be sad to do none at all. I've asked for heelys which I could justify buying myself!

Bluevelvetsofa · 13/12/2023 09:57

We sometimes do and sometimes don’t. DH bought me an Apple Watch once and I bought him expensive tickets for something last year. This year, we’ve got something we needed, but not an individual gift for each other.

MojoDojoCasaHouse · 13/12/2023 09:59

We usually get each a token present with a small budget. A book, diary or calendar, bottle of a favourite drink. It’s nice for the kids to see us get presents too I think. We both earn about the same and buy what we need when we need it.

ColleenDonaghy · 13/12/2023 10:01

We just do a few bits from the kids - chocolates and socks etc. Sometimes one of us can think of something that we want and so we do that, others we need something big, others one of us would like a nice surprise and says so.

This year we've just finished building work, the TV is on the way out, we've just gone onto a new mortgage deal and our childcare fees have rocketed. So, socks and chocolates it is and lovely it will be too.

Dacadactyl · 13/12/2023 10:01

I'm in 100% agreement with you OP.

We don't get each other anything either. All shared money here and we'd rather overpay the mortgage too!

shepherdsangeldelight · 13/12/2023 10:03

It would be more miserable to feel you had to buy each other gifts to conform to some societal norm - rather than actually just doing what suits you both.

mondaytosunday · 13/12/2023 10:04

We had a £50 limit. It's nice to give/receive something - Christmas is NOT just for kids. It would often be the only gift I'd get!

TheDandyLion · 13/12/2023 10:09

We don't bother with gifts for the day. Throughout the year if we want or need something for ourselves we just buy it together. It saves the hassle of buying somethng for the sake of it. We celebrate christmas and birthdays with a meal and time together or with friends.

Ragwort · 13/12/2023 10:13

We don't either ... maybe a box of favourite chocolates or something similar. I really don't want or need presents from anyone - to me the language of 'love' is service and the fact that my DH has just decorated a few rooms at home and will drive me and my friends to and from our Christmas meal out is worth much more than any random gift.
We are all adults at home this year for Christmas so the 'giving out of presents' is long gone ...and not missed to be honest.
And I say this every year, but I volunteer in a charity shop and we are inundated with unwanted Christmas presents every January.

Seagrassbasket · 13/12/2023 10:16

Going against the grain here but I think it’s the beginning of the end.

Was for my previous LTR anyway.

averylongtimeago · 13/12/2023 10:23

DH doesn't do presents. I've got us both new posh slippers this year.

Last year we bought a present jointly- a piece of furniture we both wanted.

It works for us.

phoenixrosehere · 13/12/2023 10:23

We don’t either. Birthdays and anniversaries are different though.

As long as you are both happy with this, I don’t see the issue nor think it’s miserable. It is obviously a problem if one of you doesn’t like this arrangement.

Original poster
pumpkinfarm · 13/12/2023 10:52

Seagrassbasket · 13/12/2023 10:16

Going against the grain here but I think it’s the beginning of the end.

Was for my previous LTR anyway.

Really?? Neither of us are particularly materialistic, so I don't think we necessarily need gifts to make us feel appreciated. Interesting point above about it being nice for DC to see their parents swapping gifts though. Our DC is too young to know what Christmas is yet, but definitely something to bear in mind for future!

OP posts:
ColleenDonaghy · 13/12/2023 10:56

Seagrassbasket · 13/12/2023 10:16

Going against the grain here but I think it’s the beginning of the end.

Was for my previous LTR anyway.

I think it depends on the relationship and it's general state. ATM we're both working FT with two young DC so we're really busy. The way we show love these days is taking things off each other's plates, and removing trying to think of a present the other doesn't particularly want or need from the list is an easy win.

We're working as a team to keep this show on the road, give the kids a good Christmas and host our parents. We're all good.

If things are tough and this is another example of care not being shown then yes, that would hurt.

Abouttimemum · 13/12/2023 10:56

DS loves us to be joining in with the gift opening. We rarely spend money on clothes etc for ourselves through the year (prefer to have a nice meal or night away etc) so we both usually swap ideas for Xmas and birthday. DH is really great at buying me lovely clothes also I love receiving and giving gifts to be honest!

Frasers · 13/12/2023 10:58

Usually we go all out, but we were just looking for stuff to buy, this year we set a limit, 50 quid instead of 500, although I spent double as I saw something I know he will love, I think it isnice to buy your partner a gift if you can afford it, and for them to have something to open from you on Xmas morning,

MereDintofPandiculation · 13/12/2023 10:58

For several years we had an upper limit of £10 for gifts to each other. Seem to be drifting away - he keeps buying me more expensive stuff.

We’ve had new tyres for the car and a boiler service!!! Once I had a tonne of gravel. It was what I wanted, to refresh the paths in the vegetable garden.

johnworf · 13/12/2023 11:20

We've had years when we've not got anything for each other and it hasn't bothered either of us. I've also had Christmas days when I've got what I've asked for as it's something I need and have held off buying myself eg a new electric toothbrush. Like other PP, I normally buy something if I need it as does my DH.

One year we needed a new tv so we bought it 'as a present to ourselves' in the sales after Christmas. I've also had a wheelbarrow, an axe and perfume (all asked for so not just a random gift!)

Sometiimes people buy stuff they won't use or like just for the sake of giving and receiving which seems really pointless. I really like experiences or subscriptions as well so have had a National Trust membership in the past.

ManateeFair · 13/12/2023 11:26

As with most things - if it works for you both and you're happy with it, it's not 'miserable' of you. I definitely know quite a few couples who don't buy each other gifts. There's lots of reasons why a couple might not want to.

For some couples, it might absolutely be 'the beginning of the end' as a previous poster said. But for others, it might be that neither partner is actually bothered about gifts, or that they don't really need/want anything because they prefer to treat themselves/each other randomly throughout the year, or that they are both ultra-picky and much prefer to pick out their own things than to have a surprise, or they'd rather spend the money on a joint thing for both of them, like a hotel break or something for the house they both want. SIL and BIL didn't buy each other presents last year because neither of them could think of a single thing to ask for, but they've both got really into gardening and were genuinely excited to pool the money they'd usually have spent on Christmas presents on a garden centre shopping spree together!

DP and I do buy each other presents and we spend around £150 I'd say. But I can definitely imagine that one year we might say 'Ooh, let's spend that on a tasting menu meal at that great new restaurant' or something instead, or 'Instead of presents, how about we treat ourselves to a couple of nights away before new year?'

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