For not doing Christmas gifts with DH?

[pumpkinfarm]

Does anyone else not swap Xmas gifts with their DP? Can't work out if it's a bit miserable of me. There's nothing we both want/need that we couldn't just buy ourselves. We share a bank account and I'd rather just use the money to pay off the mortgage tbh 😄

Over the years we've changed it around. For a while we used to buy ourselves a present for the house e.g. a new rug. Sometimes though we buy each other presents as an example to our children, though that usually happens more for birthdays than Christmas. TBH we have got bored of the whole thing - we share our money so it doesnt really make sense. I'd rather buy my own, and I rarely know what to get for DH so end up buying him clothing he only likes about 50% of the time.

We usually just use the money to book a weekend away so it's something we can both enjoy together

DH and I have almost never done gifts. Some years one of us notices something the other would really like and will get it (one year, quite some time ago in a galaxy far far away DH got me a Game Boy Color which I was over the moon with, another year I got him a maglite which he used on evening walks for years) but the only regular thing is that we gift each other an equal pre-agreed on amount of money.

We always do gifts. For birthdays and Christmas. For anniversaries we usually go out. Our finances are totally shared, it's not about the money, it's just about knowing the other person has thought of you and taking part with the children in present opening. It doesn't have to be expensive, just a token to unwrap, a 'saw this and thought of you' little thing. Mostly these days it's edible or quaffable.

The best present ever was from a little girl I used to mind, her mum told her to choose something for me and she bought a large bag of walkers crisps because she knew they were (still are) my favourite.

Agreeing not to do presents is one thing, but not doing them because 'you can't be bothered' seems a bit sad really.

We're not doing pressies for each other this year. Together since 1996 & married since 2000. I might buy us an air-fryer after Christmas maybe. 😆😆 I'm not bothered about Christmas anyway. It's stressful enough buying gifts for the kids & other relatives.

We got a new bed which was a present to each other and said we aren't doing gifts. Though every year I can't help myself and I end up buying him stuff. Always things he's mentioned though and needs.

My DH hasn’t got me anything the last couple of years and his attitude to birthdays is v perfunctory too. It really upsets me. I spend weeks and a fortune trying to make Christmas nice and then sit there, not even an afterthought. I would be happy with a nicely wrapped second-hand book from Oxfam and a bar of chocolate, but I want to feel appreciated and loved.
he is a v generous, kind person, who hates occasion and ceremony, so I get it, but I do mind.

I have bought my DH a draught excluder for Christmas…. And I think he’s got me an electric blanket (we’ve moved to a cold house!) We don’t have loads of money and would rather prioritise getting kids presents. The idea in our society that you must buy presents for people because it’s Christmas really irritates me and is commercial bullshit imo. It just contributes to more tat produced and more landfill so I think it’s great you are going against the grain and doing what works for you.

Each to thier own however having seen my inlaws go in to a care home and thier house and savings disappear within a year on fees the same home another lady with nothing to contribute gets the same service. Added to that my children's dad died from c aged 42 i believe we should pay our bills so they are not a worry but live life every day as its not guaranteed we will be here tmw.

This is the dream. I would be all for it but my husband disagrees. See also Valentine's day, birthdays and anniversarys.
If there's something specific that I/we want then fair enough but it just seems relentless and I don't want random stuff that I'll never use.
A friend does Secret Santa for the family with a £50 limit. I would love to persuade my lot to do that.

All adult Christmas presents on my side are charity goat type. DH and I don't get for each other. I can't pick anything for myself let alone for someone else. I do get him birthday presents but never feel I've actually done well. Not because he seems ungrateful at all, I just have no confidence in it.

Not having to think about adults and presents is a massive gift in itself.

I think it's a bit miserable. I like to be given a gift and a stocking too, so does DH. I ask what he wants for his main gift if I can't think of something I know for definite he wants. He does likewise.

@pumpkinfarm

I think it's a bit boring and miserable. JMO. Could you not just have a bottle of wine/port/whiskey, and a selection box or box of chocolates, and some socks, and a box of biscuits, and maybe a book? Several useful things, and several that you can eat/drink.

Me and DH sometimes earmark things we want - eg, I like a particularly expensive perfume, and have several hobbies that I spend money on, and he has a bit of an expensive hobby/interest, and he likes new shirts/socks. So we will use Christmas and birthdays and our Wedding Anniversary etc, to get what we want/need for things we like IYSWIM. (As well as a few goodies like booze and chocolates and socks and a book etc...)

Couldn't imagine having nothing from each other. Actually, we did that once - one Christmas, when we were struggling badly financially, when the kids were little (some 21-22 years ago,) and it was so fucking gloomy. Our children bought us nothing as they were just kids! And the adults in the wider family only bought for children. I got box of Roses from a friend, and a poinsettia from my neighbour. That was my lot.

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This is the first year we’ve agreed not to do presents, partly as there’s nothing either of us can think of that we need/want, partly because I’m in my last 3 months of mat leave so finances are tight and don’t see the point in spending when we don’t need to.

Anyway, I felt guilty that he’ll have very little to open (from family) so I’m now putting together a sort of inexpensive gift hamper for him of mainly food, drinks and some toiletries.

I’m completely with you on this. My husband is different to me though - a bit precious about presents 🙄 I think it’s an upbringing thing tbh. I’m just not fussed.

We used to just get token gifts - favourite chocs that sort of thing.

But we've got more money this year and I have to say I've really enjoyed spending money on him on stuff I know he wants but wouldn't buy (e.g. bought him new trainers - he doesn't need them, he would just like a new pair, so why not?!)

I think even if truly broke I would feel a bit let down with nothing to unwrap from him, and he would too. I like a physical reminder that someone's actively thinking and caring about me!

We always do gifts, even if it is something small.

I think it is important to teach children to buy for others and to watch others get presents. My daughter loves picking a present for daddy - even if it is is something totally random.

We are very big on teaching giving and not just receiving and always take her to buy something for the toy drive and food bank too. Helps her to understand that some people need help.

We have started buying things to do rather than items so as a surprise he could get a voucher for a meal or a salon voucher or tickets to a show or concert a magazine subscription theres lots on Groupon etc.
It gives you something to look forward to throughout the year and to spend a bit of time together.

We never do xmas gifts - we'd rather the money went on the kids! I always write something heartfelt in a card to dh though.

We do birthday and anniversary gifts for each other and that's enough for us.

We haven’t for something like 15 years of being together. Birthdays or Christmases. I just don’t see the point.

As long as your both happy with it don't see why not!
My partner and I usually book our summer holiday around Xmas instead of spending money on presents!

My partner and I do presents , I really enjoy getting him things . Both our younger children have special needs so meals out and holidays don’t really happen, so the presents are nice

We don't do gifts either! Christmas is a super expensive time of the year, and I hate buying for the sake of buying. A few years ago, we decided we would stop doing birthday gifts too, and once a year book ourselves a night away somewhere nice and spend some time together - no work, no kids! it was a great idea!

We stopped exchanging presents a few years ago. We never knew what to get each other because if there was anything each of us wanted during the year we'd just buy it for ourselves anyway. Likewise birthdays and anniversaries, though we do celebrate those with a day out and dinner somewhere. Christmas shopping is stressful enough as it is so it's a relief to have fewer presents to have to think about!

No don't do gifts for any occasion. This is mainly because he is so awful at buying gifts and I am so bad at receiving rubbish gifts, but also because we are grown ups and buy things for ourselves as and when we want and need them.
If I see something he might like then I will buy it as a surprise... but to be honest if I saw something and it wasn't near birthday or Christmas I'd buy it anyway.

We (I) buy a few little things for the stockings, just to open with the DCs on Christmas morning (face cream and gloves for me, whisky and socks for him) but only so the DCs don't think we hate each other 😅
Any romance and effort is long gone, along with the panic and anxiety... and we are both far happier as a result😆