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Original poster

For not doing Christmas gifts with DH?

134 replies

pumpkinfarm · 13/12/2023 09:32

Does anyone else not swap Xmas gifts with their DP? Can't work out if it's a bit miserable of me. There's nothing we both want/need that we couldn't just buy ourselves. We share a bank account and I'd rather just use the money to pay off the mortgage tbh 😄

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 13/12/2023 12:17

Seagrassbasket · 13/12/2023 10:16

Going against the grain here but I think it’s the beginning of the end.

Was for my previous LTR anyway.

Lol well we started not buying for each other after 1 year together. We are still going strong 17 years later!

florentina1 · 13/12/2023 12:56

We have not bought cards or gifts for each other for about 40 years.

MimiGC · 13/12/2023 13:14

We buy token gifts only- that way some thought goes into it and we have something to open from each other. But many we focus our thoughts and money on presents for the children. Birthdays are a different matter and we do go all out for those.

takealettermsjones · 13/12/2023 13:17

Oh we always exchange gifts. I couldn't imagine not doing. For example, this year he's getting me some replacement mop heads and I'm getting him a big pack of nappies. It's very important to keep the romance in a marriage.

msbevvy · 13/12/2023 13:19

Well ours is a very slow end then.
Been together 40 years and never done Christmas presents.

FlamingoYellow · 13/12/2023 13:24

We realised that we were buying each other the same kind of presents anyway, so this year we are pooling our money and buying presents we can share. It's quite nice not having to stress over what to buy each other but we still get something we really want.
My brother and his wife go on a shopping trip after Christmas and buy each other whatever they like in the January sales.
My parents just used to buy each other a card and write a nice message in it and they were happily married for 40 years.

OrlandointheWilderness · 13/12/2023 13:28

No we need a new laundry hamper and shed.

Go us! 😂

OrlandointheWilderness · 13/12/2023 13:29

'Father Christmas' though might bring me a book and DP some socks. 😂

Nottodaty · 13/12/2023 13:36

We don’t do gifts. I may want things but I don’t need anything - it’s less stressful financially to agree with this approach. Same for birthdays, it is nice to get a bunch of flowers for Mother’s Day and i usually get a little something for husband for Father’s Day.

It was a big wedding anniversary for us this year so we paid for a nice weekend away together - I see that as our gift to each other.

SpongeBob2022 · 13/12/2023 13:46

We stopped doing proper gifts for each other a few years ago and I haven't missed it at all. We do still get a token gift for each other via our 9 year old. This year there's a book I'd like and I'll likely get my favourite chocolates (so total of about £10-15).

I think the first year we decided we'd put the money we'd usually spend on presents on some furniture between us in the New Year. And we've never really gone back to presents since (but not bought anything between us either).

ETA we do still do birthday gifts (although not £100s worth). I think that's a bit different because a birthday is an individual day just for you.

FrozenGhost · 13/12/2023 13:48

We don't exchange gifts on Christmas or birthdays. That makes it sound negative but I think of it like I'm getting a gift - the gift of not thinking of something and the gift of not shopping for it. It's also the gift of less clutter in the house, and the gift of not having to go oh wow I love it it's amazing.

ToriesAgainstHumanity · 13/12/2023 13:50

We don't. It involves more thinking on what he can get me.
I do all Christmas related things so it's one less job.

ToriesAgainstHumanity · 13/12/2023 13:50

We don't. It involves more thinking on what he can get me.
I do all Christmas related things so it's one less job.

ParkerPipe · 13/12/2023 13:53

We don't buy gifts for each other for Christmas, anniversaries or birthdays. We just decided not to as anything we wanted, we would buy as and when we wanted it.

In the last 2 years we decided as a family (3 adult kids) not to buy Christmas presents for each other. All my kids are in new careers, with relationships and rents to pay for. We decided to keep to birthday gifts but not Christmas. The only exceptions we have for the Christmas rule is the oldest and youngest get gifts, that means my mum, who couldn't stop buying presents if she tried as it is the way she shows love and my granddaughter who is 2. As more grandkids come along we will keep it to kiddies and my mum only.

I like to buy things for people as I see something or they need something, It's liberating not to have to exchange wishlists etc and we much prefer spending time together

Pinocolada · 13/12/2023 13:57

Me and DH never get Xmas or birthday presents for each other. Like you finance's are completely shared so it is not like he would be buying me a gift as I would be paying for it too! I also don't believe it is the beginning of the end we have been like this for over 10 years. If you are both on the same page it is fine better to do that than waste money on something pointless just because you feel obliged to buy a gift.

DancingDangerously · 13/12/2023 13:59

If you're both happy then why would it be miserable? We swap and change depending on mood and circumstances - sometimes we exchange gifts, sometimes I pick my own and his, sometimes we don't do anything and other times we buy a bigger 'gift' for the house.

emmylousings · 13/12/2023 14:00

We don't. I really can't be arsed and just seems totally pointless!

Spencer0220 · 13/12/2023 14:01

DH and I did surprise gifts our first Christmas/birthday. It was fun once, but we both came to the conclusion that it wasn't for us long term. Especially because we share all online shopping accounts!

Now we decide what we both want and the other gets it.

easylikeasundaymorn · 13/12/2023 14:02

CalistoNoSolo · 13/12/2023 09:53

I think it is a bit miserable really. If dp and I can't think of anything we want, we book a weekend away together instead. Can't you at least treat each other to a meal in a swanky restaurant?

but if they share finances they aren't treating each other, just basically going out for a meal together and paying for themselves. Which is nice if you want to do it but not really a treat or a present.

I've had a few 'buy/not buy' for family etc discussion with friends and colleagues recently - it's weird how for many people the only reason they exchange gifts with anyone other than their children is because they think OTHER people would judge them as miserable/grinchy if they didn't. Which is all a bit mad really, millions of people spending money they don't have on crap they don't want. Shows how much marketing affects us.

Fair enough if you do get joy out of giving/receiving, absolutely crack on but it was interesting how many people said 'I really don't want anything but feel I have to/should buy for x.' And x is probably thinking the same!

WallaceinAnderland · 13/12/2023 14:03

We don't buy presents just because it's a date on the calendar. It's pointless and a waste of money.

slowwalkofshame · 13/12/2023 14:05

I suppose we cheat a bit and buy things we would normally but we give them as gifts. DH needed new trainers, slippers, ice scraper, diary, socks and so on so I bought him them and a few other bits a game, puzzle book, bottle of gin etc.

I wanted a record player and needed some skincare, art materials, calendars so he is giving me that and a few bits he'll pick up probably perfume, chocolates and a book or two (he has access to my amazon wishlist).

Its my birthday in the autumn and so from late summer on I usually hang fire on buying stuff for myself and just add it to my gift wishlist and DH gives it to me.

I suppose it is nice to get a total surprise that you love but didn't even know you wanted but how rare is that? My best gift like that was a pair of waterproof socks a friend gave me and my first pair of bluetooth headphones neither of which I even knew existed prior to getting given them.

My SIL insists on surprises from everyone and is then disappointed with most of her gifts.

To the OP do whatever suits you, in reality the most important thing about Christmas is the the food, the time off and spending time with your loved ones.

OrlandointheWilderness · 13/12/2023 14:07

Ah as well, and I apologise for being utterly nauseating - it's a bloody gift to fall asleep together every night. We've only been living together 6 months, together 2 1/2 years and we are so in love. 😂 😂

Sorry!!!

Socialyawkward · 13/12/2023 14:07

We don't receive gifts from famil so we do it mainly for dc we also buy from dc to each other. These are all small value token gifts. Dc feel sad if we can't join on the opening.

Flossflower · 13/12/2023 14:09

Seagrassbasket · 13/12/2023 10:16

Going against the grain here but I think it’s the beginning of the end.

Was for my previous LTR anyway.

Absolutely rubbish. We have been very happily married for many many years. We only bought presents for the first few years of our relationship. I also don’t buy for adult children. We are all happy about this. We do spend quite a lot on grandchildren.
i just don’t see the need. It is the little things that you do for each other all the time that counts, not a present for Christmas or your birthday.

RubyWinehouse · 13/12/2023 14:11

We also share finances so unless he specifically wants something I will just get him something useful, handy or a game for his xbox etc. He wouldn't know where to begin with me, so I usually just pick something myself, presents don't really matter, there have been times when we couldn't afford presents at all, but that's OK, it's really not important as long as we have each other.