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Original poster

For not doing Christmas gifts with DH?

134 replies

pumpkinfarm · 13/12/2023 09:32

Does anyone else not swap Xmas gifts with their DP? Can't work out if it's a bit miserable of me. There's nothing we both want/need that we couldn't just buy ourselves. We share a bank account and I'd rather just use the money to pay off the mortgage tbh 😄

OP posts:
2dogsandabudgie · 13/12/2023 17:22

Some years we do, but other years we might buy something for the house, ie. new TV or whatever we need.

We did buy for each other last year but aren't this year. We have been married for over 30 years, so I doubt very much it's the end of our relationship! Our children are grown up and we could afford to buy each other expensive stuff so it's not the money. We just don't really need anything.

optionalnamechange · 13/12/2023 17:22

Seagrassbasket · 13/12/2023 10:16

Going against the grain here but I think it’s the beginning of the end.

Was for my previous LTR anyway.

I think that says more about your LTR.

Been together 34 years and gifts don't bother either of us one bit.
We share life, finances and happiness without the need to buy stuff no one needs.

Kat200669 · 13/12/2023 18:00

We didn't last year as we were saving for our forever home. We moved in in October and decided not to this year. It's been a small sacrifice tbh for 2 years. We do a big thing of our birthdays though. We have enough money to treat each other with surprises throughout the year which I actually appreciate more.

user14699084785 · 13/12/2023 18:05

We haven’t for about 25 years now!

Nagado · 13/12/2023 18:10

We do gifts. We spoil each other rotten. But we’re massive Christmas fans, so we also firmly believe that the joy in Christmas comes from doing what suits you, whether that’s going all out, ignoring it completely or picking and choosing the bits that work for you. Sod what anyone else thinks about it. If you and yours are happy not to do gifts, that’s all that matters.

NumberSixtyTwo · 13/12/2023 18:14

We've never done it. We've always just spent some time together, nice meal, holiday, box of chocolates, bottle of wine etc depending on finances. Same for birthdays.

Definitely not the end of your relationship to not waste money on pointless crap!

HopelesslyDevoted2u · 13/12/2023 18:14

We're not bothering this year

Gwenhwyfar · 13/12/2023 18:16

FairytaleOfKent · 13/12/2023 09:48

My DH and I would do the same, but we both generally try to earmark something we need for Christmas in the run up. So, for instance, I need new running shoes. I sent DH a few options and said he can pick a colour. There's point in spending money for the sake of it, especially as money is tight with a pre-schooler and a baby.

Is that really a gift or just you ordering something?

NumberSixtyTwo · 13/12/2023 18:17

pumpkinfarm · 13/12/2023 16:06

I'm also not buying my one year old any presents, but that's another thread 😄

I wouldn't be buying for mine either if I didn't have older ones who would find it strange if I didn't (or actually may not even care!).

thebear1 · 13/12/2023 18:22

We set a £20 limit so our children see we also get gifts and Christmas is for the whole family. Otherwise we'd not bother.

lightelmqueen · 13/12/2023 18:24

We just exchange a small token gift just for the kids sake. I always buy my husband a hard back book from the local second hand book shop. I'm a sahm so I always feel strange buying him gifts as even though it's family money it's like he's just buying himself a present

Mehjustmeh · 13/12/2023 18:26

We didn't for a couple of years when we'd just brought our house and money was tight.

We've started again now and it's quite nice as we're a small family unit. DH loves stuff so he's easy to buy for and we always set a limit of about £150 we also set up a Xmas whattsapp throughout the year that we drop ideas in of what we want to avoid things for the sake of it

TheOGCCL · 13/12/2023 18:26

We won't be doing gifts.

For a long while I've been in the tell the person what you want so there isn't a load of waste and disappointment camp. But more and more I'm thinking that is so ridiculous as then everyone just buys things on a list when each person might as well buy the stuff directly. So that starts to lend itself back to surprises.

So where we can control it without looking like Scrooges we will take it. No gifts at all for each other.

If it was up to me I would make charity donations on people's behalf and ask them to do the same on mine. We tried that during the pandemic when it felt even more ridiculous to be spending money on gifts for a rather random commercially driven occasion but think some family members found it weird and pious.

I think Christmas would be a far lovelier thing without all the gifts (children excepted).

phoenixrosehere · 13/12/2023 18:33

It's about showing you still see the person and their tastes and pleasures matter to you. If you are not skint, all the more reason to make some effort at the darkest time of year to cheer up your partner.

DH and I see each other without feeling the need to spend/waste money because there are shorter hours of sunlight for a few months. We don’t need to buy gifts just because it’s a holiday. We treat each other and ourselves plenty throughout the year.

Seagrassbasket · 13/12/2023 18:59

Oooooh I was contentious 😉

I do agree with a PP that it was perhaps a symptom of a failing relationship rather than a cause.

But with DP, we rarely go out or do things for ourselves at the moment and have very little spare cash. The daily grind is a bit of a grind, luckily we are not particularly materialistic, but we do put aside money every month to have a nice Christmas. So it’s a way to be thoughtful and think of each other and a way for us both to have a treat. Almost a reminder that we do think of and value one another. I enjoy thinking of what he would like and him having a nice thing or two.

But equally I understand other peoples points of view! Horses for courses.

2chocolateoranges · 13/12/2023 20:28

I think it’s nice for the children to see us exchanging gifts, we give gifts to everyone else so would seem strange not to get each other a gift.

we used to spend lots on each other however we now spend under £50 and then go away for a weekend Jan/Feb time. A wee child free weekend which is a nice treat.

User2856948 · 13/12/2023 20:35

We haven't for years, we did when DS was small as part of the present opening but only small things like a CD or book. We never do now as we get things when we want them.

waltzingparrot · 13/12/2023 21:11

We've stopped buying each other 'stuff' to find house space for. We buy tickets to go somewhere together.

Goodlard · 13/12/2023 21:20

36 years married, never a year without buying each other a present.

Best year was when we had a budget of £10 as we were skint, he made me the most lovely hand made present, that still pride of place in our home.

Never ever been extravagant and never ever a budget of more than £50, often less.

But we both enjoy it, always can think of something.

It suits us.

Yes, we buy what we want during the year also.

WorkCleanRepeat · 13/12/2023 21:45

We haven't really bothered with xmas gifts for each other since we had children.

We do always get each other an advent calendar and my Mum and Dad look after the kids for a day between Xmas and New year so that we can have a day out together. This year we've booked an immersive theatre thing in London.

I think we might have to start doing a stocking for each other again because as a pp said, I think it would be nice for the children to see now they are getting a bit older.

Alittlenonsensenowandthen · 13/12/2023 21:57

Nope, we haven't for several years. It doesn't feel right when we have debt to pay off to dip into our account. He's rubbish at buying presents and there's nothing he ever wants so we just don't bother. Have a great relationship and some times I wish there were big sweeping romantic gestures but then I'd just get annoyed at him for spending so he can't win!

My father on the other hand totally expects presents and a stocking....he's in his 80s. He genuinely would tantrum like a child if he didn't have his stocking!

CeriB82 · 13/12/2023 21:59

DH & I have never swapped Christmas gifts. Don’t see any point in it. If i want it i buy it. We stopped birthday’s too. Its not affecting me…. Its happened for 26 years!

FairytaleOfKent · 13/12/2023 22:11

Gwenhwyfar · 13/12/2023 18:16

Is that really a gift or just you ordering something?

Show quote history

I guess you could say that, but we can't afford to treat ourselves to luxury items that we wouldn't purchase ourselves. I'd have to buy running shoes in the new year if I didn't get them for Christmas, but I can't afford to do that. We used to buy surprise gifts before we had children.

Wednesday6 · 13/12/2023 22:31

We almost stopped but decided to continue. He splurged on me last year and honestly it was just so lovely! We went without gifts on one occasion and I'm not a huge fan of gifts and wasting money.. but without the gifts the day started on the wrong foot and got spoilt.

BlackAldi · 13/12/2023 22:37

We have a “no present” rule unless we saw something that we were really inspired to get. It’s worked out to be fairly equal over the years. We don’t get much but when we do it’s usually a really great present!