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Original poster

For wanting a break after working all year

384 replies

Blacksmithpepper · 12/12/2023 22:48

I have two children (primary age) with ex wife. I pay all the bills which enables her to be a stay at home parent. I work abroad for the majority of the year and earn a good salary but work my arse off.

I am back in the UK until late January. I have arranged to see the children over the next couple of weeks and I am looking forward to spending time with them. Today ex has asked if I might do school drop offs and pick ups in January and be about more to help. I do not mind doing a few but I am firstly not living locally and I will also be wanting to spend time with my girlfriend. Am I unreasonable for wanting a break before going back to work again?

OP posts:
Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 20:44

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:38

No, explain to two young kids that daddy’s been away working to put clothes on their backs, food in their bellies, a roof over their head while the mother has done what to financially contribute? LOL!

Funny that. Because he could also do that and work here.

He wants his current wife to be at home too. He has explained at length how he wants to finance it because it’s also his choice.

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:44

I bet you if he put that to the ex wife then she wouldn’t go for it… and I’d bet my life that she sees him as a cash cow..

Beezknees · 13/12/2023 20:45

Presterjohn71 · 13/12/2023 20:44

Just to be devil's advocate on this one. If the guy is working full time abroad working long hours away from family and friends is it really that out of order for him to set aside time for himself? His job allows his ex to be financially secure and not work. You all assume that she never goes out has no social life or down time. Who says her or his family don't have the kids for weekends or or for babysitting. She might even have a cleaner for all you know. She might be having the life of Riley compared to him. Also the school run is far from being quality time with the kids.

If he's prioritising time to himself over seeing his kids, yep it is out of order.

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:45

Salaries in the UK are shocking along with the cost of living.. if I wanted my kid to have a good lifestyle and I had the option I’d work away too!

Codlingmoths · 13/12/2023 20:46

Blacksmithpepper · 13/12/2023 17:19

I paid for ex to take the children away on holiday. I do not see how it is unreasonable for me to have a holiday too.

I will make arrangement to see the kids a few days weekly as suggested.

Edited

If you count that as ex’s holiday then your holiday should be with kids too. If that’s not a break for you then it wasn’t a break for your ex either, funny how you think it’s different when it’s you. And you need a proper break without the kids you never see but she doesn’t even get to ask you to do a couple of school runs because you can’t make the effort to stay closer than 2 hours away while you’re in the country.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 20:46

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:44

He worked away in the early days when we met and for a few months after, then relocated home. Also, I’m not the girlfriend LOL

You aren’t the wife. You are currently the girlfriend.

So he had kids and worked away then?

You see the op as your dp and yourself as the ops girlfriend and taken offence because you can’t grasp it’s not about you.

You are very entertaining.

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:47

So your telling me that she gets NO downtime at all while he’s away? Pull the other one lol!

😂

Beezknees · 13/12/2023 20:47

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:44

I bet you if he put that to the ex wife then she wouldn’t go for it… and I’d bet my life that she sees him as a cash cow..

Sure. Sounds like some internalised misogyny going on here. Very sad.

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:48

Not at all.. my dp doesn’t have a wife lol not until we tie the knot anyway!

our situation is completely different; my DP didn’t work abroad, I’m actually friends with his ex and all kids/families have blended well so no resemblance at all.

Beezknees · 13/12/2023 20:48

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:47

So your telling me that she gets NO downtime at all while he’s away? Pull the other one lol!

😂

Some women don't. I didn't! I was a lone parent from the start and no help from anyone. I managed without moaning and complaining about needing "downtime."

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 20:49

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:45

Salaries in the UK are shocking along with the cost of living.. if I wanted my kid to have a good lifestyle and I had the option I’d work away too!

You would work away and not see your kids from one year to the next. Leaving them with who? The Opt to spend a few weeks on holiday with your boyfriend instead of at least spending one of those weeks at home.

Then come home for several weeks, plan to see the kids for a couple and spend the rest with your girlfriend and family and not see the kids.

Then start applying.

and you would be as bad a parent as the Op.

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:49

No it’s the opposite, I don’t believe that “mothers” should be stay at home mothers, this isn’t the 50s get off your ass and get to work!

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:50

My daughter hasn’t seen her dad since she was born in 2011, I was a totally single parent I also done it too but I had downtime whilst she was in school or bed - there is always downtime!

Beezknees · 13/12/2023 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2023 20:51

Meant to hit report. Ignore.

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:52

Doesn’t she want to teach her kids that you have to earn what you get in life? That’s also an odd stance for a parent

Beezknees · 13/12/2023 20:52

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:50

My daughter hasn’t seen her dad since she was born in 2011, I was a totally single parent I also done it too but I had downtime whilst she was in school or bed - there is always downtime!

Downtime when they're at school? Hilarious. I was at work full time!

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 20:53

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:48

Not at all.. my dp doesn’t have a wife lol not until we tie the knot anyway!

our situation is completely different; my DP didn’t work abroad, I’m actually friends with his ex and all kids/families have blended well so no resemblance at all.

This really doesn’t seem like the case.

You keep spouting shite about how he has the right to have a girlfriend when no one said he didn’t.

How he is allowed to move on, some nasty stuff about the wife. Made stuff up like he doesn’t see his girlfriend.

Why?

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:53

If it meant giving my child the best of everything then yes

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:53

This parent clearly isn’t lol SAHM

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:55

I can assure you that is the case of MY life

because she can’t have it all, she can’t have the money and him being home to have the kids so decide! She either wants to be a SAHM which means him working away OR she wants him on hand!

Beezknees · 13/12/2023 20:55

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:53

This parent clearly isn’t lol SAHM

Which is what they decided together. The OP on the thread has no issue with his ex being a SAHM. That's for them to decide, not you.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 20:55

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:50

My daughter hasn’t seen her dad since she was born in 2011, I was a totally single parent I also done it too but I had downtime whilst she was in school or bed - there is always downtime!

Yes of course a few hours in the day is the same as not having practical responsibilities for a whole year.

or even, a few weeks holiday without them.

Get a grip. I have been a lone parent and always worked. Just because our exs are a bag of shit doesn’t mean it’s acceptable just because he pays some money out.

It makes our exs and the op shit parents.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 20:56

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:55

I can assure you that is the case of MY life

because she can’t have it all, she can’t have the money and him being home to have the kids so decide! She either wants to be a SAHM which means him working away OR she wants him on hand!

She isn’t getting a choice is she?

He made the choice. She probably would prefer him to be there completely doing 50:50.

but it doesn’t suit him.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 20:57

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:53

If it meant giving my child the best of everything then yes

How do you know the kids are getting the best of everything?

They aren’t getting the best of their dad are they?