Page 10 | For wanting a break after working all year

Blacksmithpepper · 2023-12-12T22:48:05+00:00

I have two children (primary age) with ex wife. I pay all the bills which enables her to be a stay at home parent. I work abroad for the majority of the year and earn a good salary but work my arse off. I am back in the UK until late January. I have arranged to see the children over the next couple of weeks and I am looking forward to spending time with them. Today ex has asked if I might do school drop offs and pick ups in January and be about more to help. I do not mind doing a few but I am firstly not living locally and I will also be wanting to spend time with my girlfriend. Am I unreasonable for wanting a break before going back to work again?

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 19:45

Clearly I’m in the minority here but I actually think your entitled to a life even when you have children! I don’t see why you having a girlfriend is wrong and I think all these “you can’t have a mrs if you have kids” bellends should get a grip! Just because you have children, your life doesn’t stop so on that note, I hope you and your mrs have a lovely time meeting the family.

On another note and from experience - TELL THE KIDS ABOUT YOUR GF before anyone else does, you’ve been separated a year, not a week - IT IS FINE TO MOVE ON!

with working, hell I wish someone would pay so I could be a SAHM but anyway, listen to everyone, quit your job, move home and make your ex work full time see how she likes life then? LOL!

Starlightening · 13/12/2023 19:53

To turn it around when I was a kid my dad worked away aboard for long periods, came back every so often for short periods but never really spent any quality time with me or my brother ! Made very little effort to be a dad , happy again to pay the bills. Money doesn’t buy you love . He ( I can’t call him my dad anymore!) makes odd contacts by silly email messages on social media but isn’t my dad as far as I am concerned 😟, I tried to re-connect on my wedding day asked him to give me away , wish I hadn’t bothered , handed me back his suit after the reception and left !!! waste of time , too obsessed with his own health,wealth and lifestyle to give a Sh—t about anyone else , but clearly some people aren’t ment to be a dad. You’ve be very luck if this relationship is still repairable, I would say the damage is already done ??? 🤔

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 19:55

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 19:45

Clearly I’m in the minority here but I actually think your entitled to a life even when you have children! I don’t see why you having a girlfriend is wrong and I think all these “you can’t have a mrs if you have kids” bellends should get a grip! Just because you have children, your life doesn’t stop so on that note, I hope you and your mrs have a lovely time meeting the family.

On another note and from experience - TELL THE KIDS ABOUT YOUR GF before anyone else does, you’ve been separated a year, not a week - IT IS FINE TO MOVE ON!

with working, hell I wish someone would pay so I could be a SAHM but anyway, listen to everyone, quit your job, move home and make your ex work full time see how she likes life then? LOL!

Lol

Where is he not having a life. He hasn’t been back to the country for a year.

Yes great idea. Explain to two young kids how, for the last year, you prioritised your girlfriend and haven’t seen them and are going to prioritise having humour own life while you are home.

Who said he couldn’t have a ‘Mrs’? Which is a weird thing to say. He is still married. And has a girlfriend. He has 2.

This man look after the kids? Are you having a laugh? One isn’t even in full time school. He has been missing for about a quarter of their life.

If he had got a job in this country it would make it loads better for the wife to work. He absolutely should move back. Both parents work and share childcare and all child responsibilities 50:50. Some how I don’t think he will go for that. Can’t imagine the girlfriend signed up for that either.

tiredsound · 13/12/2023 19:56

This can’t be a real post. This is the same as the thread where the person claimed to be an AP and seemed to be written by the obsessive ex wife. Wouldn’t be shocked if this was the same obsessive ex role playing as her ex husband.

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:10

Just because you aren’t legally divorced does not mean the ex wife is still your mrs lol! There is no intimate relationship, his girlfriend is his girlfriend and yeah why shouldn’t he see her? His love life is NOTHING to do with his ex at this stage..

IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2023 20:31

It's not him seeing her that's the problem.
It's him prioritising her and his holidays etc above his children that's the problem.

When you hardly ever see your kids - as is the case with him. Then they should be who you want to spend time with first.

They are lower down on his list than a holiday and shagging.

That is the problem.

Beezknees · 13/12/2023 20:32

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 19:45

Clearly I’m in the minority here but I actually think your entitled to a life even when you have children! I don’t see why you having a girlfriend is wrong and I think all these “you can’t have a mrs if you have kids” bellends should get a grip! Just because you have children, your life doesn’t stop so on that note, I hope you and your mrs have a lovely time meeting the family.

On another note and from experience - TELL THE KIDS ABOUT YOUR GF before anyone else does, you’ve been separated a year, not a week - IT IS FINE TO MOVE ON!

with working, hell I wish someone would pay so I could be a SAHM but anyway, listen to everyone, quit your job, move home and make your ex work full time see how she likes life then? LOL!

If he hasn't got time to see his kids, he hasn't got time for a relationship either. That's the crux of it. No one is saying he isn't entitled to a life but he sees his girlfriend more than his kids, that's disgusting.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 20:34

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:10

Just because you aren’t legally divorced does not mean the ex wife is still your mrs lol! There is no intimate relationship, his girlfriend is his girlfriend and yeah why shouldn’t he see her? His love life is NOTHING to do with his ex at this stage..

Literally means she is the Mrs! lol!

Legally, means she is the Mrs lol

No one said he can’t see the girlfriend, who isn’t his Mrs. Who said the ex was interested?

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:35

Where has he said he sees his girlfriend more than his kids? Even they live in separate countries, you have children, your life doesn’t end. My ex has no contact with our daughter and I was a totally single parent but I managed to build and maintain a relationship with a man who worked away and also has children himself.

you can’t expect someone to stay single forever just because the bitter BM and even the kids won’t like it, kids need to get used to having other people around - it’s called blending a family! People do it everyday and succeed!

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:36

The wife is “mrs” by title only until the divorce is signed, in no other way is the ex a “mrs” lol!

love it when people get pedantic over a title she probably should never have had in the first place anyway if the OP had used his head!

IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2023 20:37

Either you are incapable of reading or your focus is so completely on your agenda you are unable to see outside it. Either way, the information is right there in his posts. If you can't see it it's because you don't want to.
For whatever reason.

Beezknees · 13/12/2023 20:37

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:35

Where has he said he sees his girlfriend more than his kids? Even they live in separate countries, you have children, your life doesn’t end. My ex has no contact with our daughter and I was a totally single parent but I managed to build and maintain a relationship with a man who worked away and also has children himself.

you can’t expect someone to stay single forever just because the bitter BM and even the kids won’t like it, kids need to get used to having other people around - it’s called blending a family! People do it everyday and succeed!

He's literally said it on ths thread if you read it.

Also "BM" tells me all I need to know! Cringe phrase used by immature people.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 20:38

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:35

Where has he said he sees his girlfriend more than his kids? Even they live in separate countries, you have children, your life doesn’t end. My ex has no contact with our daughter and I was a totally single parent but I managed to build and maintain a relationship with a man who worked away and also has children himself.

you can’t expect someone to stay single forever just because the bitter BM and even the kids won’t like it, kids need to get used to having other people around - it’s called blending a family! People do it everyday and succeed!

He said it. She visits him and they have had a few weeks holiday this year. In the year he hasn’t been back.

Again, no one said he had to remain single. But if he could have a few weeks holiday with his girlfriend he could have visited his own children.

We get it. You feel defensive because you think your dp is being attacked because he works away and has kids and has a girlfriend. This thread is not about you

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:38

No, explain to two young kids that daddy’s been away working to put clothes on their backs, food in their bellies, a roof over their head while the mother has done what to financially contribute? LOL!

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:39

Not at all actually, my dp works at home and has done since early in our relationship. Along with that, dp has no other girlfriend and we are getting married early next year so guess again hun!

Beezknees · 13/12/2023 20:40

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:38

No, explain to two young kids that daddy’s been away working to put clothes on their backs, food in their bellies, a roof over their head while the mother has done what to financially contribute? LOL!

I work and manage to see my kid every day, funnily enough. You don't need to work away to earn money.

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:40

All that from one abbreviation when Mumsnet is littered with them LOL!

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 20:41

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:36

The wife is “mrs” by title only until the divorce is signed, in no other way is the ex a “mrs” lol!

love it when people get pedantic over a title she probably should never have had in the first place anyway if the OP had used his head!

She is still the only Mrs in the Ops situation. Technically? You mean legally.

Again, this isn’t about you.

Wtf? Why shouldn’t she have had that title? Do you know the Op or his wife?

Why the nastiness to a woman you don’t know because she is married to a woman you don’t know?

Sounds like you have real issues with your dps ex. But again, this isn’t about you. You sound unhinged.

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:41

where are you living? If he is supplying £ to his ex enough for her to not have to work then for that you need a good wage.. hence working abroad! I’d do it too!

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 20:42

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:39

Not at all actually, my dp works at home and has done since early in our relationship. Along with that, dp has no other girlfriend and we are getting married early next year so guess again hun!

You’re the girlfriend 😂😂😂

and you said he worked away!

Beezknees · 13/12/2023 20:43

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:41

where are you living? If he is supplying £ to his ex enough for her to not have to work then for that you need a good wage.. hence working abroad! I’d do it too!

Or he could actually live nearby, see his kids and help with childcare so that his ex can work too. Win win all around!

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:43

No I don’t know either, however, I do know when fathers are getting their pants pulled down and being judged just for moving on!

if the kids knew about the girlfriend they could take them away with them, that’s what we do and it works!

xxWelsh · 13/12/2023 20:44

He worked away in the early days when we met and for a few months after, then relocated home. Also, I’m not the girlfriend LOL

IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2023 20:44

You're very aggressive. Hitting a bit close to home with your new bloke, maybe related to his ex I assume.
It seems extremely important to you to be very angry with women who point out men should prioritise their children and want to spend time with them.

That's quite an odd stance for a parent to have but never mind. Clearly you need to be angry about people thinking a father should be present in his children's lives.

Presterjohn71 · 13/12/2023 20:44

Just to be devil's advocate on this one. If the guy is working full time abroad working long hours away from family and friends is it really that out of order for him to set aside time for himself? His job allows his ex to be financially secure and not work. You all assume that she never goes out has no social life or down time. Who says her or his family don't have the kids for weekends or or for babysitting. She might even have a cleaner for all you know. She might be having the life of Riley compared to him. Also the school run is far from being quality time with the kids.