Married 2 years. DHs family forgot our anniversary. Mine remembered.

[crossroads1]

DH's family forgot our anniversary, only been married 2 years. They remember all other important dates. But no effort for us. My family all remembered first thing in the morning and sent us both messages.

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

I meant for his take on it. Not so much to deal with it

Huh? No. Why would they remember?!

Oh I see - well in that case they sound suffocating, so just back off a bit.

It’s completely wacko to remember other people’s wedding anniversaries

I never remember my own wedding anniversary, let alone the kids ones or anyone else's.

I have no idea when my sisters' anniversaries are. This is something people normally celebrate as a couple, not an extended family. I'd forget about it.

Christ I’ve remembered my own anniversary only 2 out of 8 years.

I can’t imagine getting anyone else an anniversary card, it’s just not important to anyone but the couple.

It's your wedding anniversary. As long as your DH remembered, that's the most important thing. Never had any of our families sending us any reminders or congratulations. Why?

You are really letting this upset you too much. Yes, they are treating you differently. Yes, that is a bit rude. But why do you care to the point you upset yourself?

Your life has continued as normal without the congratulations. Don’t let the actions of others occupy time in your head. To be fair, it was almost certainly not malicious.

In agreement with others, why should anyone else care? My in laws didn’t even give us a card on our wedding day!

My MIL treats us all differently. But it seems to stem from how we behave around her. I generally ignore her "crazy" and just treat her like one of the family. She is who she is, she's not going to change and mostly she doesn't mean it how it sounds. So I treat her mostly with affection and a bit of taking the mick. In turn, she's slightly less "crazy" towards me and DH and we get on fairly well. She treats me like she treats DH. She'll ring me for a chat. Often over DH. His siblings spouses either get very easily offended and arguments happen or have been known to be rude to her. She responds to them accordingly. I get away with a lot more cheekiness and blunt speaking than the others, as I figured out early on she actually respects you saying it how it is.

It could be that they are very aware you dislike them, as mentioned in your first post, and the other SIL is treated differently because although they argue they actually communicate.

Some if my in laws remember our anniversary which is lovely but not really necessary. My family don't which is fine. Should I disown them? 😂 It's a date for me and DH, I don't need cards from anyone else.

Is it just me, or have there been quite a few strange threads today?

I suspect your in-laws don't really like you and hence haven't bothered remembering when your anniversary is. If one of my in-laws was the type to complain about people forgetting their anniversary I can't imagine I'd have much time for them either.

Haven’t RTFT but I’ve never come across people congratulating one another on their wedding anniversary. Is that a thing?

Who gives a monkeys?

it’s very clear that this is some fig leaf of an excuse to get into a huff with these people whom you have decided you want to go low contact with. It’s so transparent.

The thing is they t will backfire on you. If you do this either

1. You will create a load of strife for your DH and his family over the lack of an anniversary acknowledgment (which will make him look like a dick). Or: much more likely
2. They won’t care and probably won’t even notice.

You will look like a twat. Grow up and move on.

Oh for goodness sake!! It's your anniversary - the only person other than yourself who needs to remember is your DH.

You are being totally ridiculous.

I really don't think anyone should need to remember or celebrate a wedding anniversary other than the two spouses. Possibly a first anniversary and milestone celebrations if you're throwing a party/going out for a family meal etc.
I don't think they forgot as much as didn't bother...which is fine. Do you celebrate their anniversary?

Sorry @pinkfonies it wasn't meant to be at all "passive". Actually it wasn't Actually meant to be aggressive either. I was, and am, annoyed and frustrated by @crossroads1 OP, I wouldn't expect anyone over the age of 8 to get upset by such a small unimportant thing. But then it was never a thing to send other people an Anniversary Card in my or my DH's family.

My response to the OP was merely an honest one on my part. I really think that the reason the OP's in-laws might have singled out her and her DH from getting an anniversary card, could very well be because they are very much aware of how much "cross" hates them. I think it is very much in the OP's interest to try and think about how her behaviour can cause corresponding behaviours in others. I think that that would be a very valuble lesson to learn. For goodness sake, she asked almost gleefully, and definitely hopefully, if their lack of good wishes meant that she could use it as an excuse to not spend time with them.

She really does need to start growing up now, and she threw herself in the depend when deciding to start on Mumsnet! I also hate all this hatred and harshness on MN 'pink', including yours towards me, but I will shrug it off because I am an adult, and because anyone who makes a comment, or even starts a thread, is opening themselves up to other peoples thoughts etc - even when it is not in the AIBU section. If 'cross' has been upset by thinking strangers on MN are being horrible to her, then maybe it will make her think about whether she is being horrible to anyone herself?

My biggest hope on this thread, is that the OP will learn to be nicer to other people if she wants it reciprocated, and to not "sweat the small stuff", because like most of the rest of us have experienced at one time or another, she will probably have much more serious things in her life to deal with than this... I do, of course, wish her well for the future, as I am sure most other Mumsnetters do as well.

Oh yes, as a minimum for such a henious crime

We’ve never had a card or anything from anyone for our anniversary. I’ve never sent one either! Just about remember our own tbh.

Leave the what's app group. Avoid the drama

Gosh, we just about remember our own wedding anniversary. I certainly don't know a single other person's with the exception of my own DPs and that's only because DC1 was born on the same date!

Chill.

My in-laws always make a big song and dance about their anniversary and I sent them cards for maybe eight years. They have never, ever sent us one and we’re bordering on 24 years! I stopped sending them one and have never looked back. When they mention it I say, “happy anniversary”.

It's not particularly normal for anyone other than the actual wife or husband to remember their own anniversary

The entire point is for my DH's family they do remember. They all talk daily (or at least every other day).

UPDATE: this eve DH brought this up himself - he was shocked and dissapointed that no-one remembered. Verbatim "we always send eachother happy insert birthday/anniversary/special occasion messages" and even said how much effort the two of us make for everyone else.

Would also like to add DH does a lot for his family and it's only up til last year that i started speaking up. My SIL used to send DH a list of unprompted present suggestions for her daughter 'just in case he wanted to buy her something!' INSANE. He is the only brother and dad is not around. Alot of dynamics with my in-laws.

The majority of ppl on this thread did not understand what was at the core of my annoyance - my DH gets taken advantage of and is finally seeing this himself. Because of this thread I kept schtum to him not saying a word about how they all forgot. He willing brought this up himself. I can actually say thanks for all those who became really nasty with their words - because of that I was able to occupy myself here instead of ranting to him, and in the end I didnt have to say a word for him to realise it wasnt right.

Basically, you're both just stewing. It's pointless. It upsets you both and doesn't change the outcome.You dislike the inlaws so let them off and get on with your own life. Stewing is unhealthy.