Page 15 | Married 2 years. DHs family forgot our anniversary. Mine remembered.

ChanelNo19EDT · 12/12/2023 18:00

Wow, I know you've already been disabused of the belief that this date is important @crossroads1 but I have never in my life bought anybody an anniversary card for their wedding, that's nuts. How many million dates are people expected to remember!

Tohaveandtohold · 12/12/2023 18:01

I only remember my anniversary because it’s on Christmas Eve and DD2 was also born on the 23rd so it’s very easy to note but many times I forget how long we’ve been married for so I wouldn’t expect anyone else to remember . With your in-laws though, with the way you’ve written your post, maybe they chose not to acknowledge it, if you can sound like this on your post, I wonder the kind of vibe they’ll get from you regularly

tinytemper66 · 12/12/2023 18:07

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 13:45

DH's family forgot our anniversary, only been married 2 years. They remember all other important dates. But no effort for us. My family all remembered first thing in the morning and sent us both messages.

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

Did he remember? That is all that counts. Get over it.

RudsyFarmer · 12/12/2023 18:13

I’ve never celebrated anyone’s wedding anniversary, not even my parents. You seem quite keen to have a reason to distance yourself from them, perhaps they’ve noticed this.

WorriedMum231 · 12/12/2023 18:15

My Mum does this… ‘Oh, did you forget that it’s was mine and your Dads anniversary’ Yes, because I just don’t care. Utterly bizarre imo it’s a little self centred to think anyone else would care about an anniversary that wasn’t their own.

ThisIsntThe80sPat · 12/12/2023 18:16

I find this odd. Dh and I are the only ones who should remember our anniversary. We get some people wishing us happy anniversary which is thoughtful but we certainly don't expect it and are not angry at people who don't 😅

Theunamedcat · 12/12/2023 18:16

Traditionally extended family send cards my aunt always did and one of my friends did too

FreshWinterMorning · 12/12/2023 18:28

Theunamedcat · 12/12/2023 18:16

Traditionally extended family send cards my aunt always did and one of my friends did too

Yeah this. In some families, it's not that rare to send a Wedding Anniversary card to your parents, or your adult DC and spouse, or an aunt and uncle you're close to, or your grandparents.

There are some very snarky, rude remarks on here (from some!) Just because YOU don't send or receive any wedding anniversary cards from anyone other than your spouse, that doesn't mean it's bloody weird - or wrong - to send wedding anniversary cards to other people. Every family is different. Open your minds FFS, and quit the derogatory and sanctimonious remarks. 🙄

Puffling235 · 12/12/2023 18:28

My mum is the only person left who sends us an anniversary card. So not expected, but it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. 10 years this year.

Sothisiit · 12/12/2023 18:29

It's your anniversary not theirs so why do they need to remember, do you wish his parents well on their anniversary?
Celebrate with you hubby and stop finding feasons to feud, it's not going to help your marriage prosper in the long run.

FreshWinterMorning · 12/12/2023 18:29

Puffling235 · 12/12/2023 18:28

My mum is the only person left who sends us an anniversary card. So not expected, but it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. 10 years this year.

Yeah exactly this. It's nice to receive a greetings card from someone isn't it? It's a nice thought.

Cherrysoup · 12/12/2023 18:32

Sorry, but nobody else cares about your wedding anniversary, it’s for you to celebrate if you choose. My mother had no idea it was 25th anniversary this year, why would she?

Evaka · 12/12/2023 18:34

This can't be real. Suspect you'd be doing the in laws a favour if you 'distance yourself' over this.

Castleview6 · 12/12/2023 18:37

It sounds like you’re just looking for something to fall out with them about. Feel sorry for your husband

GodDammitCecil · 12/12/2023 18:44

@crossroads1 - if you haven’t liked them from the beginning, why would you expect them to be nice/kind/considerate of you?

They probably save their thoughtful wishes for people who like them, and who they like.

You can’t have it both ways. You can’t dislike them, be looking for any opportunity to reduce contact - and - expect them to be friendly and warm to you.

Maybe a wake-up call? Try to get on with them, and give to them as much as you expect them to give to you (have you, personally, ever been the first to wishes others a happy anniversary, etc?), or reduce contact, if you must.

But I can’t see how that will be conducive to a long and happy marriage, especially when you have children.

MN is a hotbed of people who are NC with their families, whereas in my RL everyone gets on (I don’t know a soul who’s NC with family), so I’m probably not one to advise, as all the drama and hatred is anathema to me….

Harrysmummy246 · 12/12/2023 18:44

YABU. If it were your DH forgetting, that's a different matter.

Different families acknowledge to different degrees- Apart from significant anniversaries, e.g. silver, ruby, my parents for example would never have expected anything from us

OftIwandered · 12/12/2023 18:44

Maybe your in-laws know you don't like them, in fact you have never liked them, and they feel hypocritical celebrating that you're still in their family? Maybe your DH needs to privately remind someone in advance?

Comtesse · 12/12/2023 18:45

You would be very petty to make a fuss about this.

Luxell934 · 12/12/2023 18:46

The only person who remembers mine is my Dad. No one else does, and I don’t remember anyone else’s. I’ve only been married for a few years, but we don’t even celebrate our own anniversary really😂We are very happily married though so that’s all that matters.

Behindyouiam · 12/12/2023 18:47

OftIwandered · 12/12/2023 18:44

Maybe your in-laws know you don't like them, in fact you have never liked them, and they feel hypocritical celebrating that you're still in their family? Maybe your DH needs to privately remind someone in advance?

If you read previous posts, I'd say 100% it's not been forgotten, it's been ignored. Justifiably!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 12/12/2023 18:48

Be realistic. The only reason they've remembered is because they've had the On This Day features on Facebook and their mobiles.

Crishell · 12/12/2023 18:50

I forget my own anniversary, and I've been married 9 years.

SurelySmartie · 12/12/2023 18:51

I’m quite pleasantly surprised a number of people think like me on this I’m usually an outlier! I don’t do others people’s anniversaries either, not even family. I think they’re a private matter between each couple. Maybe the odd exception for very special ones (30 years, 50 years). But that’s it.

I get it though OP’s issue is more about being treated differently.

VeronicaSawyer89 · 12/12/2023 18:53

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 13:45

DH's family forgot our anniversary, only been married 2 years. They remember all other important dates. But no effort for us. My family all remembered first thing in the morning and sent us both messages.

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

I've been married for 24 years the only person who remembers our anniversary (outside of us) is my dad, and on occasion my mum.

gerteddy · 12/12/2023 18:55

I actually find it weird that other people even send us a card. I think it's a personal thing for couples. My parents still buy us a little gift and card each year though and an aunt always sends a card too but that's it.

I wld only really send a card or gift if a special one. I do get my parents a little gift and card because my mum does it for us. I used to just buy a card for them and only because mum wld have went on about it forever if I didn't 😂