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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married 2 years. DHs family forgot our anniversary. Mine remembered.

564 replies

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 13:45

DH's family forgot our anniversary, only been married 2 years. They remember all other important dates. But no effort for us. My family all remembered first thing in the morning and sent us both messages.

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

OP posts:
BrimfulOfMash · 12/12/2023 17:18

I’m guessing that the person responsible for logging all the dates is also the person responsible for Christmas cards, shopping lists and working out how big the turkey needs to be and sorting out everyone’s presents.

Had your DH put anything in the group first thing this morning like ‘congratulations to my lovely wife, 2 years of happiness!’ Or are you sitting there passive-aggressively checking your notifications to see just how negligent they are being?

Technonan · 12/12/2023 17:18

It reads to me like you're determined to take offence and are looking for a chance to create a rift with your ILs. That's silly. You'll just create stress and a rift between you and your DH. If it matters so much to you, say to them, 'Hey, it's our anniversary! Two years and counting!' And stop being so petty.

MissGroves · 12/12/2023 17:23

Half the time I can't remember my own wedding anniversary 😂 my husband sometimes remembers 😅

Behindyouiam · 12/12/2023 17:23

Actually @crossroads1 having read your previous posts, they didn't forget, they've chosen not to acknowledge it, with good cause.

Pemba · 12/12/2023 17:24

I find it hard to remember my own wedding anniversary, and we've never marked it. Actually we were going over DH's pension arrangments, with me as a named beneficiary if something happens, they'd asked when we were married and he'd written down the wrong date!

So, I will say gently that I think you are making a bit of a fuss.

Crankyandco · 12/12/2023 17:25

I think you need to get a life!

SeatonCarew · 12/12/2023 17:27

Early on in our marriage i had some very serious issues with my in laws interfering and crossing lines. I stood my ground, but I never ever made my DH choose between us, or went out of my way to find pretend excuses to cut them out of our lives.

If that's what you are actively looking for, then you're not really very serious about the long term viability of your marriage.

3peassuit · 12/12/2023 17:28

It wouldn’t occur to me to send my kids anniversary cards. I don’t think it bothers them in the least.

privateano · 12/12/2023 17:32

My family have never remembered ours and I don't remember my DS and DIL's anniversary. It's a personal thing.

GoodnightJude1 · 12/12/2023 17:38

The only people I expect to remember mine and DHs anniversary are….

Me and DH.

Ange1233556 · 12/12/2023 17:39

what a strange over-reaction. The only person bothered about wedding anniversaries are the ones who got married. I adore my sister but can’t remember her anniversary!

laclochette · 12/12/2023 17:42

It's not your birthday or Christmas, why would anyone else acknowledge it?! But ok fine it's a family habit. I would say it's most likely that as you've only had one anniversary so far they're just not in the habit of remembering yours yet. The first year is easy to remember, cos it's recent. The 10th year, you've had 9 years to get it into your memory. They've had more practice with everyone else, assuming they've been married longer.

If you have other issues with them I would raise them in a calm way that aims at reconciliation, being at odds with your in laws is not a recipe for a happy marriage if you can avoid it (obviously extremely abusive etc situations would call for it, but generally, peace is preferable!)

IveOnlyEverHeardOutwithONHere · 12/12/2023 17:42

Wedding anniversaries are really not that important to anyone else.

Koalalady · 12/12/2023 17:42

Sorry, not sure where you’re from or anything but this is not standard. It is your anniversary not any else’s. I find it really odd you expect people to give a crap about your anniversary? That’s you and your husbands thing. Some people generally don’t know things like this until they’re told by outsiders.. so yes, it’s not for anyone else to remember sorry, it’s strange your parents do! Or sweet, that’s down to them - but don’t expect anyone else to.

Abbyant · 12/12/2023 17:44

As long as you dh remembered why does it matter if anyone does? I don’t know when any of my families anniversaries are and I don’t expect them to remember mine. I think you need to give your head a little wobble because you’re not the centre of the universe.

whatsappdoc · 12/12/2023 17:49

You or dh needed to wish the other Happy Anniversary on the Whatsapp group then others would've followed.

My dd got married in July this year and I've no idea of the date. Next year they'll be lucky if I actually remember which month it was.

Pigeon31 · 12/12/2023 17:50

If no one else says anything in the Whatsapp, go ahead and post your reminder! (I do think it's a busy time of the year is all.)

90yomakeuproom · 12/12/2023 17:53

I honestly couldn't get myself too worked up about this.

BowlOfNoodles · 12/12/2023 17:53

Only if you want to look unhinged which can be fun lol

Nowherenew · 12/12/2023 17:54

I think you’re being very silly.

Most people don’t remember other peoples anniversaries and they would expect others to either.

The only reason they say happy anniversary to the others is most likely because they’ll say in conversation that they’re going out on Tuesday to celebrate their anniversary type thing.

If you want acknowledgment for some reason then ask if anyone knows what X restaurant is like as you’re planning to go there for your anniversary.

Redmat · 12/12/2023 17:55

They are probably busy Christmas shopping!
It probably just an over sight.
I can't even remember my own.

garlictwist · 12/12/2023 17:57

I have never remembered any of my family's anniversaries. I know my sister got married in June but couldn't tell you the date or even how many years it's been. It's your anniversary, not theirs.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 12/12/2023 17:57

People have so much to remember especially this time of the year so yes you are unreasonable. Most people are lucky that their husbands/partners remember. Why would it annoy you so much. I do not understand this at all and are you all so involved in each other's lives that it sounds too much for me but then again that could be just me and it would not bother me at all and would not even expect them to remember. You sound like hard work.

TheGander · 12/12/2023 17:57

Different families have different cultures. I have next to no relationship with my ILs but MIL religiously sends a card on our anniversary. My late father would not have remembered in a thousand years. My mum pre deceased my getting married but it’s unlikely she would have sent a card either.

sunshineandshowers40 · 12/12/2023 17:58

My family have never remembered our anniversary (don't think my parents remember their own). MIL sent us a card and gift the first year but nothing since (15 years married).

YABU, it's for you and your husband to remember/celebrate.

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