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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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1 2 ··· 12 13 14 ··· 22 23

Original poster

Married 2 years. DHs family forgot our anniversary. Mine remembered.

564 replies

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 13:45

DH's family forgot our anniversary, only been married 2 years. They remember all other important dates. But no effort for us. My family all remembered first thing in the morning and sent us both messages.

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

OP posts:

Panaa · 12/12/2023 16:45

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

Honestly OP I'm generally on the side where I think people shouldn't take any shit from inlaws but using this as a get out of jail free card is extremely petty and ridiculous.

Do you have any other reasons for disliking them and wanting to distance yourself from them that might make this make sense? if not it's just extreme pettiness, why would you even care if people who you don't like forgot your anniversary?

Bernardmanning · 12/12/2023 16:48

That said, I think that you should bri v it up with your DH. You should be able to talk to your husband about his family. Hopefully he will be able to provide you with an alternative viewpoint rather than you stewing in your current fixed mindset.

stayathomer · 12/12/2023 16:49

We forget our own anniversary every few years, I make it a point to remember my parents but other than that it’s hard to remember these things op. Some super organised people have everything on a calendar, some of us just forget!!!

Mary28 · 12/12/2023 16:50

My DH and I often forget our own anniversary. I'd probably have a heart attack if one of my inlaws or even my own mum remembered it. She has to be prompted for my birthday and I'm an only child!!! These things are not important in the grand scheme of things and you're wasting your energy getting upset about them in my opinion.

x2boys · 12/12/2023 16:50

Sometimes. I forget my own anniversary and my mum has to remind me 😲

tachetastic · 12/12/2023 16:52

WitsEnd10 · 12/12/2023 16:43

I don’t think my in laws have ever wished us a happy anniversary. But then I’m not even sure when our anniversary is (it’s either the 15th or 16th of July) or how many years we’ve been married (could be seven or eight). In fact we only remember when one of my bridesmaids sends a happy anniversary message each year. Last year I even wrote the wrong date on the calendar 😂😂

It was a joke in our family when I was growing up that our parents got married on different days, because one of them always insisted they got married on 4 April and the other insisted it was 5 April.

We know it was one of the two because years ago even if you got married just before the end of the tax year (5 April) the husband could still claim the married man's tax allowance for the whole year. Romantic old sod, my dad! 😂

cerisepanther73 · 12/12/2023 16:53

This is of only relevance to yourself and husband surely you can see that.!?

I know b3ing in a relationship marriage requires effort , but it's hardly needs for your spouses family a speacial announcement or acknowledgement on their behalf?

L.o.l 🙄😂

topbananarama · 12/12/2023 16:58

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 13:52

Right I should have prefaced. We have a big family whatsapp group with his side. They ALWAYS post for birthdays and other married couples anniversarys... for instance happy anniversary guys, have a a good day, etc.

normally i wouldnt care, but if its memorable for everyone else in the family why not ours?

You don't like them, so why don't care?

Lovethistimeofyear · 12/12/2023 16:59

Either

They genuinely forgot.

They don’t like you and don’t want to wish you a happy anniversary.

Either way, this is no reason to distance yourself from them. If my husband distanced himself from my family for this reason I would be distancing myself from him!!

JennyJenny8675309 · 12/12/2023 16:59

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

Just had to go completely over the top with this little yarn, didn’t you? Over a second anniversary? Right. My daughters never received anniversary wishes from me and we’re not estranged. That’s because in REALITY, anniversaries are for the couple to celebrate.

Abracadabra12345 · 12/12/2023 17:05

Saracenia · 12/12/2023 14:41

In my experience, if you want people to remember anything, including birthdays, you have to flag it up beforehand. It’s ridiculous to have a massive family whatsapp group all congratulating each other on stuff. When do you have time to do anything else?

Once again, I am so very very grateful I don't have a large extended family and especially a big family WhatsApp group

DirectionToPerfection · 12/12/2023 17:06

What exactly have they done to make you dislike them so much?

TheKnittedCharacter · 12/12/2023 17:08

I don’t think it’s worth being offended by, unless you’re looking for an excuse to take umbrage.

Perhaps they don’t much like you?

Tandora · 12/12/2023 17:09

lol why should anyone aside from you or your partner care about your wedding anniversary 🥴.
no you can’t use this as an excuse to distance yourself from them, they are your blooming family now. Take your marriage seriously and make an effort to tolerate your in laws.
YABU.

Cerealkiller4U · 12/12/2023 17:10

My in laws remember mine when me and my husband don’t. I’m always so pleasantly surprised! I never remember their anniversary

SeatonCarew · 12/12/2023 17:11

tescocreditcard · 12/12/2023 14:03

That's disgusting behaviour . I'd be getting on that what's app group and telling them all what a bunch of absolute cunts they are. No way would I let that go

Show quote history

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Nanny0gg · 12/12/2023 17:12

This is peak Mumsnet!

Anniversaries clearly matter to the OP's in-laws. So it is understandable that she's querying why hers doesn't

So the fact that the rest of Mumsnet doesn't care about theirs or their families' is totally irrelevant!

@crossroads1 Speak to your DH about it

thebestinterest · 12/12/2023 17:12

🫣 you sound absolutely deranged, OP.

Toptotoe · 12/12/2023 17:13

Wow! Since when did remembering other peoples anniversaries become a thing?

derxa · 12/12/2023 17:14

Yesididntdothat · 12/12/2023 13:46

I'm not sure why they should care that much about your anniversary!

Exactly

SeatonCarew · 12/12/2023 17:16

thebestinterest · 12/12/2023 17:12

🫣 you sound absolutely deranged, OP.

Yup.

Usually I follow the path of convention and try to advise the OP wisely. In this case I'm seriously tempted to offer heartfelt advice to the in-laws.

ludicrouslycapaciousbags · 12/12/2023 17:17

Maybe the don't like you?

Sadandhurt23 · 12/12/2023 17:17

In the nicest possible way, no one really cares. No one knows when our anniversary is, and the same for us, I have no idea when even my closest friend's anniversaries are, apart from the month maybe. I also must be one of the few women who remembers her own anniversary, my husband has to remind me 🤣

HelpMeGetThrough · 12/12/2023 17:17

OP, You could always do the overused MN LTB and then the problems solved.

AnonKat · 12/12/2023 17:17