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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married 2 years. DHs family forgot our anniversary. Mine remembered.

564 replies

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 13:45

DH's family forgot our anniversary, only been married 2 years. They remember all other important dates. But no effort for us. My family all remembered first thing in the morning and sent us both messages.

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 12/12/2023 16:22

I think it's a good lesson to learn early on that not many people give a shit about other people's anniversaries.

Fair enough if it's a big one but expecting cards every year is unreasonable, IMO. Most people don't bother with extensive calendars full of dates any more.

It's your celebration. Celebrate it yourselves.

Backtoreality1 · 12/12/2023 16:23

No one cares about the aniversary other than the couple involved. I can't even remember when my brother got married and he wouldn't expect me to.

QueenofTerrasen · 12/12/2023 16:23

No one cares about other peoples anniversaries - honestly in the nicest way, get over it.
Imagine how embarrassing it would be on your part if your In laws could tell people the reason you distanced yourself was because they didn't say happy anniversary. It will make you look ridiculous.

Bluevelvetsofa · 12/12/2023 16:25

You have said at the start that you don’t like them and have never liked them from the beginning of your relationship. You’re just hoping that this will give you a get out to stop having anything to do with them.

If you don’t want to have contact with them, that’s something you need to sort out with your husband, but using the lack of a card is a pretty weak excuse to be offended and stop contact.

Patashby · 12/12/2023 16:25

I think you’re looking for an excuse to break away from them. They’re your husbands parents and to treat them like this is very childish! What is his opinion? I have to say, you sound extremely selfish.

PieAndLattes · 12/12/2023 16:25

If you’re that needy for attention why didn’t you just put on the group chat ‘Wow, I can’t believe Jarlath and I got married two years ago today’ along with a soppy photo of the two of you?

Janiie · 12/12/2023 16:26

If they make a song and dance about each others then yes it is odd to exclude you.

Chickenkeev · 12/12/2023 16:27

PieAndLattes · 12/12/2023 16:25

If you’re that needy for attention why didn’t you just put on the group chat ‘Wow, I can’t believe Jarlath and I got married two years ago today’ along with a soppy photo of the two of you?

Jarlath! Haven't heard that name in about 30 years 😂😂😂😂

AllAroundMyCat · 12/12/2023 16:27

You want a chance to distance yourself from them?
You want a 'get out of jail free card?'
You've 'never liked them?'

Well there's your answer.
They know.

Sakura7 · 12/12/2023 16:28

Do they all see each other more? Do you live further away?

Maybe Jane met up with Marge for a walk and mentioned she was going for a nice meal on Friday to celebrate her anniversary. Marge then sends a message on the WhatsApp group as it's fresh in her mind.

I highly doubt they're all keeping a calendar of anniversaries and deliberately excluding yours.

Regardless, this is such a silly thing to get worked up about, and to the point of wanting to cut contact? Madness.

Bertiesmum3 · 12/12/2023 16:28

You’re sounding like a petulant spoilt brat!
🤣🤣🤣

we don’t even remember our own WA, we don’t expect congratulations from anyone else

CasaAmarela · 12/12/2023 16:29

Sorry but this is one of the most ridiculous posts I've ever seen. I only remember my own anniversary because FB tells me and I certainly don't expect anyone else to remember it.

Tiredalwaystired · 12/12/2023 16:31

If it’s bothering you that much why not go on and say happy anniversary to my husband? They’ll probably click and follow suit. Which should theoretically make you happy (everyone but the first to post has forgotten in all cases I guarantee in all cases) but I suspect you won’t be happy because it feels like you’re looking for a reason to hate them.

Catandsquirrel · 12/12/2023 16:34

Try benefit of the doubt? Ask DH to send a message about 2 years of wedded bliss or whatever to the group, may remind whoever adds these to their calendar. It is likely to be one person who remembers everthing then everyone else follows suit when they see the message. Don't jump to them not caring. Could be a genuine error.

neilyoungismyhero · 12/12/2023 16:36

None of our family really bother overly about each other's wedding anniversary to be honest. If one of us remembers we chip up on facebook maybe..it's not a big deal but I guess to you it is.

Bernardmanning · 12/12/2023 16:37

What date was their wedding anniversary and what was the card and gift like that you sent them?

Cakeandcardio · 12/12/2023 16:38

I'm close to my in-laws and get along with them all. They never mention our anniversary. It's no big deal because my husband is the one I want to remember. Certainly no reason to distance yourself from them!!

Wildehorses · 12/12/2023 16:38

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

You sound unhinged, your poor parents in law!

ttcat37 · 12/12/2023 16:38

You say that you’ve never liked your in laws, perhaps the feeling is mutual and they don’t like you either

HandyLittleGadget · 12/12/2023 16:40

My in-laws never used to remember mine and DH's anniversary. It didn't matter, it was OUR day, nobody else's. To get things into perspective, on our ruby (40th), it was lockdown, so we couldn't go out. AC didn't send us a card (again, no big deal), and DH and I went for a walk round a country park.

MrsAvocet · 12/12/2023 16:40

You may be right OP. It might be a personal slight. Maybe they don't like you and are trying to precipitate an argument. Or maybe they just forgot.
Either way, you need to decide whether the absence of a WhatsApp message on what isn't a "big" anniversary in most people's books is worth a potential family rift. How's that likely to affect your DH's relationship with his family and how might that impact on his relationship with you? Is it really worth a big fall out? I know what I think, but then I've forgotten my own wedding anniversary on plenty of occasions but only you can decide if this is a hill to die on for you.

Hydrahelix · 12/12/2023 16:42

Why would you expect anyone but you and your DH to remember your wedding anniversary?

WitsEnd10 · 12/12/2023 16:43

I don’t think my in laws have ever wished us a happy anniversary. But then I’m not even sure when our anniversary is (it’s either the 15th or 16th of July) or how many years we’ve been married (could be seven or eight). In fact we only remember when one of my bridesmaids sends a happy anniversary message each year. Last year I even wrote the wrong date on the calendar 😂😂

tachetastic · 12/12/2023 16:44

Even I don't remember our wedding anniversary, other than it's in August. Twenty-somethingth I think. No idea of the date.

I remember my sister's because she got married on her 21st birthday, but I don't think I have ever acknowledged it in her birthday card.

Is remembering other people's anniversaries still a thing?

Bernardmanning · 12/12/2023 16:45

Even if they do ALWAYS remember every single person's wedding anniversary apart from yours this year, why would you automatically assume that they must favour other family members and that you are less important. People have things going on in their lives that you are almost certainly not privy too. They may have simply forgotten as a one off, they may be unwell, they may be distracted by something more important, they could be dealing with something else that has cropped up. I once had a friend angrily slag me off to my friend's because she had walked into our shared kitchen and I apparently hadn't really acknowledged her/been as warm as welcoming as usual. I'd just received some very bad news which had left me absolutely reeling. If someone acted out of character or habit, I tend to assume the best of them rather than the worst. Why on earth would you take such offence and think the worst of them? It seems to be that you dislike them and want to cast them in a poor light.