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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married 2 years. DHs family forgot our anniversary. Mine remembered.

564 replies

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 13:45

DH's family forgot our anniversary, only been married 2 years. They remember all other important dates. But no effort for us. My family all remembered first thing in the morning and sent us both messages.

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

OP posts:
pinkfonie · 12/12/2023 15:32

OP this is the sort of issue I have with DHs family and it used to offend me because I wanted a better relationship with them and I felt that I didn't because they weren't making the effort, but as the years have gone by I now realise that I don't actually like any of them very much so I'm glad they leave us alone!
We also have the same issue that FIL wishes my DH's sister and her DH a happy anniversary every year, but he did go to her wedding whereas we eloped so I don't really blame him for that in a way.
Just see it as a conversation you don't have to have with people you don't particularly like 👍

enchantedsquirrelwood · 12/12/2023 15:33

The only person who ever remembered our anniversary was my mum. Until this year, which was our 25th and we got two other cards too.

It's possible that my in-laws sent a card for the first year, but I can't remember now.

muddyford · 12/12/2023 15:37

We've been married almost 28 years. My family always remember, his never have, even for our silver.

Cwtshcwtsh · 12/12/2023 15:37

We got several cards for our first anniversary. After that, none. Perfectly normal.

DaftFlerken · 12/12/2023 15:37

in my opinion wedding anniversary's are really for me & DH

Yhrist · 12/12/2023 15:37

The only person who remembers our anniversary are my MiL. My DM never remembers nor do I expect her to (she has been known to forget my birthday so my expectations are low). We only remember when we get the card from PIL. I don’t see why anyone should remember our anniversary apart from us. It doesn’t bother me or DH.

GoodLooking4MyAge · 12/12/2023 15:39

They probably don't remember anyone's though. It's just that the couples who's anniversary is coming up mentions it to someone in conversation like the day before the anniveseary and then that person says happy anniversary and everyone copies. So just make sure you talk about it in the week before and then you'll probs get the "happy anniversary" you wanted. Or maybe you don't want it and you'd rather have an excuse to cut them out!

pinkfonies · 12/12/2023 15:40

@Itwasafterallallaboutme - It's comments like this that I hate on mumsnet - what a passive aggressive response!

I hate the way mumsnet has a habit of people responding so harshly to a post where the OP is offended and usually quite rightly offended, or they have a point at least....

I remember ages ago someone was offended that their SIL never got them a birthday present, when they always helped their DH buy SIL's birthday present. Everyone jumped on her, made her feel really stupid when she already felt quite hurt. Where is the sympathy on mumsnet sometimes?

IdaPolly · 12/12/2023 15:41

A lot of people only remember their own anniversary. I wouldn't expect other people to celebrate it

ghislaine · 12/12/2023 15:41

It could be nothing to do with you. My parents don't acknowledge my wedding anniversary based on some bizarre equality rule to do with my sister eloping and no-one in the family actually knowing her wedding date.

Edited to add we've been married for 20 years. My sister more!

BoredofBlonde · 12/12/2023 15:42

Saracenia · 12/12/2023 14:49

Ever heard of sarcasm?

Show quote history

Ah yes! The lowest form of wit! Well done, your hyperbole was hilarious

Viviennemary · 12/12/2023 15:43

It's not their anniversary it's yours. Ridiculous

jannier · 12/12/2023 15:43

Unless it's a 25th or more anniversaries are for the two of you.

AHFaemale · 12/12/2023 15:44

I don't even remember my anniversary! It's not really that important is it?

Namenamchange · 12/12/2023 15:45

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 13:52

Right I should have prefaced. We have a big family whatsapp group with his side. They ALWAYS post for birthdays and other married couples anniversarys... for instance happy anniversary guys, have a a good day, etc.

normally i wouldnt care, but if its memorable for everyone else in the family why not ours?

Maybe they took the hint they you don’t like them and never have, and you are getting what you put in.

Brightredtulips · 12/12/2023 15:47

I forget my own every year, happily married 27yrs

ACynicalDad · 12/12/2023 15:47

I'm pleasantly surprised if anyone other than my partner remembers.

starfishmummy · 12/12/2023 15:48

I think it is more surprising that your family remembered!

Canisaysomething · 12/12/2023 15:48

I’m just happy if me and DH both remember.

Thedogscollar · 12/12/2023 15:48
let it go GIF

Really??

MeMySonAnd1 · 12/12/2023 15:49

I wouldn’t give a hoot if someone forgot an anniversary, even if they send good wishes in WhatsApp but, if you insist on your right to get one, wait at least until midnight when the family has completed work, had dinner, put the kids to bed and finally get into the phone to send something.

Now, if you take offence that easily, who on earth think of going no contact for something like this????they may be holding back because they may feel like they are damned if they do or if they don’t, you seem very spoiled and immature.

Behindyouiam · 12/12/2023 15:50

So are you saying that the entire WhatsApp group colluded to not wish you anniversary wishes.......... or they just forgot? 🤷‍♀️

Busy time of year!

NoTouch · 12/12/2023 15:55

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

There is obviously a HUGE back story behind this much bigger than simply not acknowledging a wedding anniversary.

You don't need a melodramatic excuse for you to be low or no contact with anyone if there are unreconcilable differences, you accept the consequences and it is your choice. The only thing you can't do is expect your dh to do the same with his family if he doesn't see the issues in the same way you do.

Flubadubba · 12/12/2023 15:58

Noone remembers anyone else's unless it's a big one, like a silver one or a golden one. We even forgot our own one year.

YABU. If you don't like.his family, you don't have to engage with them.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 12/12/2023 16:01

For my side of the family, I usually remind my sister or mum and then they all message on the family Whatsapp group.
For my DH's side, his younger brother is usually on the ball... but if he forgets, no harm done.

It just takes 1 to message and everyone else follows. It's really no big deal unless you are looking to take offence. Just ask DH to remind someone next time.
Maybe that's what the rest of his family is doing.