To feel deflated after a charity xmas do hearing a paid worker saying it was a 'free lunch' for them?

[YNK]

I had an injury and joined a great charity group a few years ago to meet for coffee once a week and to enjoy activities and support each other.

Some members are in residential care due to the severity of their condition so they are always accompanied by carers, others have fully recovered.
Members pay for activities and weekly meetings and pay happily and willingly for the chance to meet and socialise.

Some members have suffered and been compensated legally for injuries caused and many are now financially secure and if assistance is provided, I feel this 'them and us' divide is hurtful.

After a very nice xmas lunch, as we were leaving a group of paid carers could be heard saying it was at least a decent 'free lunch'

I feel grubby now and I'm thinking of leaving the group - AIBU?

You mustn’t leave the group, op. You have made friends there who understand the impact of your injury. It is surely benefiting you. I think I understand what you are getting it and understand why it would deflate you, but I think you should try to let go of what you heard. It may not have been directed at you and your friends and even if it was it says more about the person who said it than you - who do they think they are? Just forget it and keep going to your group.

(I say this because I am someone who also holds onto stuff like this and it never does any good.)

Good thing OP that you don't work in the NHS. we love free food. it is often used as a bribery/ gift for healthcare professionals by the employing Trust/ bosses/reps from various companies. we are taught early that if you come across free food at work, you eat it because you don't know when you will next have a chance to eat. you would have been extremely offended by all our comments about said free food

Surely it would be more patronising for paid carers to pretend to be your friends when they are not / can not be.

I understand you were maybe hoping/ beginning to feel that the group meant more to them than just being a paid job. So maybe the comment reinforced that barrier; they are there because they are paid. That must be a bit hurtful, I do understand.

But it sounds like you have lots of nice friends in the group anyway, and the carers facilitate you all getting together. It sounds like a perfect arrangement.

OY! Out of order...
It's not just in the NHS, those of us in other emergency services / public sector, love free food too
How discriminatory of you

😁😁😁😁

do you think we could have some sort of interagency "free food" competition? I reckon junior docs would win. we are always hungry and can eat REALLY fast.

Then would would have done the caring? I assume it was a thank you also to the carers in that case? Mayhe next time tell them that it's a paid lunch, and attendance is optional and they probably won't come. Most people don't pay for the work functions, because that's not usually how they would choose to spend their extra time or money. I think it is you who has misunderstood the spirit of things that you are so upset about this. I also take it you didn't organise it, so why are you even annoyed. Quite honestly you need to find something to do with your time, maybe a hobby or more volunteering!

To add ... I think you have a really bad attitude to the people who are caring for the people with the disabilities which is very, very ironic

The carers were paid to be there therefore it was work to them. Most people would rather not go for a meal with service users / clients but they were just saying at least it was a nice free meal (a small perk to the job). They don’t need to feel honoured or privileged to be there, it’s work to them.

What's "not in the Christmas spirit" is your own attitude OP.

Working as a carer can be utterly miserable, you are underappreciated, underpaid, have to do some quite unpleasant things sometimes and it can be stressful. So a charity supporting people with particular health conditions wants to help redress the balance a bit and show the carers that they are appreciated and that they make a difference to people going through a tough time by giving them a free lunch. That's brilliant.
Neither the carers paying their own way nor them being excluded would be a solution so I think what you are after is that the carers should be more obsequiously grateful for their difficult job being noticed and appreciated for one day a year.

Yabu.

I’m going to a party this week with service users, I’m being paid for my time. Would I go if it wasn’t? No sorry I wouldn’t, because right now I have 101 things I need to do, but I’ve been asked to attend to represent others, so can’t really say no.

@YireosDodeAver

Neither the carers paying their own way nor them being excluded would be a solution so I think what you are after is that the carers should be more obsequiously grateful for their difficult job being noticed and appreciated for one day a year.

Yes! That bloke being insufficiently obsequious for OP's liking is exactly how I read this.

@therealcookiemonster
Only if it's for charity
And not as fast as police, you can't

She doesn't earn very much , why shouldn't she be pleased with a free lunch !?

😆😆😆

Last night I was at a dinner hosted by one of our clients as a thank you for the work we do for them. I would much rather have been at home sorting out Christmas stuff. I wasn't even paid for it as it was out of hours. It was a nice evening and at least the free food was good.
Expecting me to feel honoured to attend is just unrealistic. I had to go as part of my job. It was pleasant enough but I only went because I had to really. I think you are patronising and deluded if you think people attending events as part of their jobs should also be thrilled to attend.

I think you are being very precious tbh. Very ott to leave a group because of this. Just because someone didn't seem as grateful or friendly as you thought they should be. There seems to be a blurring of boundaries. And a miscommunication of expectations... are they friends or paid care workers? You can't offer some minimum wage workers a free meal then resent it because they came for the free meal and not out of the spirit of friendship. I think that's a very odd attitude.

OP, I understand where you're coming from to an extent, ie, when you quoted the person who said she would pretend to enjoy herself as a carer at lunch but wouldn't actually, or people who are only working bc they are being paid.

Lets be real, almost everyone would do something else with their time if they weren't being paid, or at least work a much less demanding schedule if they found their work rewarding. It is ideal to think that people might find some fulfilment in their work and a genuine connection to those they help. I'm sure many do, but it's not an all day thing. Carer's will have moments where they think their clients are lovely, and times when they're exhausted, the day is rough, stressful, colleages/clients are difficult and maybe they're operating on almost no sleep. it doesn't mean they don't respect their clients, but that their job is demanding and they're human.

Perks are rare and someone made a semi flippant remark. Please don't leave the group you love over it.

For the carers it's part of their working day. As a PP said. They don't have to care about the charity. If I was a carer, I would also be pleased it was a free lunch. But wouldn't say it out loud.

I agree don't say it out loud. But if they're being paid to be there then could they even decline. Caring is a job and if someone is paying them to be there then they should act respectful

Anybody who does that job deserves all the free lunches they can get.

You are being wildly over sensitive.

Isn't it exasperating when servants don't know their place?

They are working because they are being paid while they are there.

They aren’t going to get the same sense of community that you do out of it, because they are carers. Not the people who this injury has happened to.

Leaving a group you care about and enjoy going to, because you feel that people who work as carers should have got the same sense of community that you did, is an odd reaction.

They didn’t patronise anyone. But not do they have to feel that they got a lot out of it. Not the same as you.

Besides which, ‘at least we got a free meal’ is the sort of comment people make without attaching much meaning to it. You are reading too much into at for some reason are going to stop attending a group you enjoy and get a lot out of because of that.

Or..................... the whole thread is a wind up?

Another distinct possibility!

At least it's unlikely to be AI ... they're less confusing/contradictory.