To feel deflated after a charity xmas do hearing a paid worker saying it was a 'free lunch' for them?

[YNK]

I had an injury and joined a great charity group a few years ago to meet for coffee once a week and to enjoy activities and support each other.

Some members are in residential care due to the severity of their condition so they are always accompanied by carers, others have fully recovered.
Members pay for activities and weekly meetings and pay happily and willingly for the chance to meet and socialise.

Some members have suffered and been compensated legally for injuries caused and many are now financially secure and if assistance is provided, I feel this 'them and us' divide is hurtful.

After a very nice xmas lunch, as we were leaving a group of paid carers could be heard saying it was at least a decent 'free lunch'

I feel grubby now and I'm thinking of leaving the group - AIBU?

Tbf these women were being a bit ungrateful if they were there as guests. I can see why you’re put out.

Try not to get to worked up about it though. People come out with all kinds of snark that they wouldn’t want people to overhear when talking amongst themselves. It’s why they say you should never eavesdrop (not saying you were eavesdropping by the way).

It’s nice to be invited out for a thank you meal, but these things all come at a price.
it’s their time being given up, so the persons comment, that at least the meal was good, is understandable.
No matter what you think, it sounds like this group were obligated and attended in good grace, but it wasn’t really something they would choose to do, but did do.
Most carers I would imagine are on minimum wage, so it’s their precious underpaid time they are given up to be there.
And the comment that it was a decent lunch should be taken well. So many of these catered events involve horrible meals, and I’ve been to a few Christmas event over the years to testify to this.

You are overthinking this, but if I were you I’d ignore this thread now, forget about it and have a lovely Christmas .
At least you all had a good meal, and that’s something good to take away from this

Isn't there a saying something like - eavesdroppers never hear good things - or something like that?

So you would consider leaving a group, that has helped and supported you though a difficult stage in your life, due to a throwaway, but factual comment, by a paid carer. That is entirely your choice, but it doesn’t make much sense.

who on earth gets upset about care workers (who are probably on a very low wage) getting a free lunch? seriously?

OP's attitude is rotten enough to start with but there's a significant portion of this site that believes the staff should be in a permanent state of bowing, scraping and forelock-tugging. That seems to apply to anyone who works in retail, hospitality and obviously caring too.

The absurdly over-dramatic reaction makes it pathetic as well as rotten. Maybe you felt it wasn't gracious in the moment, whatever. Roll your eyes and move on. Wailing about the glue of your group dissolving at length on the internet is ridiculous. Get a grip.

You need to develop some boundaries. They are not your friends but paid staff. You have a very odd perception of the relationship.

I’ve work for a few charities and was a carer in one role. Nothing to do with fundraising side at all.

I had to attend events to show ‘gratitude’ to the fundraisers so they could see what they’re paying for. Often in my own time for free. I probably didn’t seem 100% grateful to be there, because I wasn’t.

To add, I was a carer for 14 years, the free lunches are monotonous - we would rather a decent wage so we didn't need to work 60 hour weeks.

This is how I see it too, tbh. They’re people doing an important and not particularly easy job, most likely for not very much money.
You might have felt ‘privileged’ and ‘honoured’ on similar occasions, that doesn’t mean they have to see it the same way. They’re doing their job, they’re not being paid to be friends.
Of course it’s not your friends’ fault that they require help, but it sounds like they have a lovely, supportive community already.

So the carers don't normally come to sessions, they were at a lunch with a lot of people they have never met before. Perhaps they are very social people and found going to a busy Christmas lunch with people they don't know out of their comfort zone. Or perhaps you're reading too much in to the 'at least'. Maybe they are struggling with money and that will be the only Christmas meal out they get this year. Obviously we've no idea of the intent or what else is going on on their lives.

you didn't hear them say I hate my job, can't stand x person so give them a break.

I get very tired of “they’re on a very low wage” being used as an excuse to be unkind or thoughtless. I meet a lot if carers out and about as I’m a parent carer and we don’t use paid carers. It’s not immediately obvious that ds is my ds not least because his Dad and I are from very different parts of the world and so I see and hear a fairly uncensored version of “care”.
There are of course some respectful kind and dedicated carers but they are by no means all behaving like that. Some of the attitudes expressed are hard to witness. I would have been upset in OPs position to hear someone being so rude. It is of course worse because for many it will have been a rare treat to be there and while they are I’m sure very aware that others have better experiences, how utterly insensitive to have voiced that in that company.

Honestly OP I think I’d say something to him. Pissing on someone’s party with his boorish behaviour is I hope an accident, but best to try to avoid it happening again.

Probably the only "perk" they get all year!

I can understand you would feel disappointed at the comment as it is a bit rude but I don’t understand why it would make you feel ‘grubby’? That seems rather dramatic.

After a very nice xmas lunch, as we were leaving a group of paid carers could be heard saying it was at least a decent 'free lunch'

If that was all you heard anyway, you can’t know the context. One person might have said “Jesus Christ, my seat was really uncomfortable/sitting beneath those speakers blasting out wall to wall Christmas songs has given me a thumping headache”, and their pal responded, “but at least it was a decent free lunch”. Or maybe they’ve been invited to “free lunches” in the past which were horrible.

Whatever the case, I don’t think the group can mean that much to you if you’re contemplating leaving over a throwaway remark you heard from someone who isn’t even a member.

If you don't go you'd be cutting your nose off to spite your face!

I don't think your post is in the Xmas spirit at all.

Perhaps you should think about the fact that these are people who work extermely hard for what is usually a pittance, that it is a job and nothing else, and that it is very unreasonable of you to consider a working lunch is something they should feel "privileged and honoured" to attend. They are employees, not Downton Abbey servants.

What contribution? Sorry I'm having a hard time following you here, I'm not trying to be difficult.

Did they not curtsey to you and doff their cap OP?
Did they not gorvel enough?
Please leave the group, but be sure to do a big speach before you flounce saying how much you resent them having a free lunch at this time of year, to thank them for the back breaking, underpaid work they do all year!

Exactly what I was thinking.

You keep contradicting yourself saying they are being paid but are invited as friends? It’s one or the other really, if they’re being paid then they are there under obligation to care for your friends while at the lunch - they are still working at the event.

So you're ok with them having a free lunch @YNK but you just don't want to hear them say it was a free lunch?!. That's rather odd.

Kindly OP, I think you're overreacting. My job role is very different, but I sometimes get invited to things that are outside of work time, entirely optional and intended as a Thank You or an appreciation of business we've done together. There's generally a few of them at this time of year.

I don't always want to go, and certainly don't always enjoy them, but I go anyway because it's the correct thing to do when I've been invited in a professional capacity. The social contract, as it were.

I'd probably save the crass comments about a free meal until I was out of earshot, granted.

As long as you and your friends had an enjoyable time that's the main thing.

You sound like you want to control how others feel about the event/ group.
To you it's a massive part of your life , to them it's a job.
Also the bit about those with compensation/ carers sounds really unpleasant .

It's a bit like expecting Nurses to be angels and being annoyed that they are human like the rest of us.
I agree it's a massive over reaction on your part to say you want to leave.

It was rude.
it would have been rude if he was paid or unpaid and if the other participants were chuffed at the event or had just heaved themselves there to support their group.

He upset OP and is likely to have upset others.

What an ill mannered individual.