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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are living your best life?

171 replies

SoMuchOfEverything · 11/12/2023 19:05

I had a conversation with a friend today who is very successful. She is from a fairly normal background and is very much "self made". She said that most people could have her success, but they don't want to help themselves to change their lot in life. I said that a lot of people are unable to change their lot in life. She said everyone could change something if they wanted to, they just don't want to live their best lives (or even their slightly better lives) because it is too much effort.

Thinking about it, I know there are lots of things I could do to improve my life (eg. get more exercise etc), but I never seem to have the energy 😕 So I guess she is right? Am I alone in not helping myself to improve my own life?

AIBU to ask are you living your best life? If so, what does that look like for you? If not, what is stopping you?

If you are not living your BEST life, what could you do to help get you living a slightly better life? (I don't mean like a lottery win or miracle cure for a long term illness, I mean things that you can personally control - better diet, exercise, more early nights, reading more books/newspapers, be more aware of current affairs, floss, declutter, travel, quit smoking/drinking, apply for a new job, learn a new skill, meditate, budget, catch up with old friends, paint, draw, yoga, play an instrument etc.)

If there are things in your control that could mean you have a slightly better life, what is stopping you from living a slightly better life?

Yabu - I'm living my best life
Yanbu - I'm not living my best life but I don't want to do anything differently even if it meant my life would be slightly better than it currently is.

OP posts:
Doihavetogotoworkdotcom1 · 12/12/2023 21:53

I’m happy with my life but not the awful neighbours.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 12/12/2023 22:30

Depends what's meant by "success".

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 12/12/2023 22:49

Still failing to understand the concept of living a „best life“ - how is it measured ?

Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 12:31

SparkIehoof · 11/12/2023 21:21

In this case, I'd say it's entirely necessary.

OP's friend sounds like a megatwat.

Show quote history

How? What is twatty about saying people can make decisions over their life? She isn't criticising your life, she is making the most of her own.

OP posts:
Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 12:35

maddiemookins16mum · 11/12/2023 21:46

Am I living my best life? NO. Am I living my life the best I can? You bet I am.

What is the difference? If you are living your life the best way you can, then surely that is your best life 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 12:37

GreyCarpet · 11/12/2023 21:48

I agree that it's an irritating expression but I think the whole point of it is that it focuses on you living your best life.

Not the best life.

It already recognises limitations and differences in desire, interests, opportunity and resources etc.

It doesn't presume there is a single perfect ideal way to live, rather that we should strive for the best life we can individually live.

Sometimes, I choose to spend the whole day in bed. I read, drink tea, look out of my bedroom window at my garden and nap intermittently. I'm not achieving anything on those days but some of those days are the ones where I am, indeed, living my best life.

Yes, exactly!

OP posts:
Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 12:44

Socialyawkward · 11/12/2023 22:13

I am living in a situation now that 3 years back I so desperately desperately wanted and did not think it possible. My minset was the only thing that changed I found solutions instead of problems and ill gurantee there is a fuck tonne of what people would call problems 🤣. I'm not living my best best life but I am living my best life I can right now. By next year I'll be living my dream of best life right now but by then there will be more goals. My ideas of my best life don't involve wealth and luxury though if that helps.

Living the best life you can right now is surely living your best life! Encouraging to hear your views on changing your mindset. Good luck for the next steps and your next set of goals.

OP posts:
hattie43 · 13/12/2023 12:56

It's all about attitude, you either accept your lot or you make the very best of the hand you're given .

Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 13:04

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 11/12/2023 22:30

What even is “living your best life” ? How are we defining it ?

I would say your best life will be doing things that bring you good health and happiness.

You might define it completely differently and that is the point. There is no "the best life" only "the best life for me".

Lots of posters seem to be hung up on material wealth, but I haven't defined "best life" as having lots of money! It could be about having healthy relationships or progressing at a career goal or travelling the world with a backpack or being comfortable in your own skin or excelling in a hobby or just putting your own needs first sometimes.

For me to be living my best life, I think I would need to improve my diet, get more exercise, declutter the house and redecorate it, see more of my friends, read more books, maybe try and have more "me-time", write a book, learn guitar, go on holiday... Time is finite and I am a single mum on a part time wage with very little extra energy left at the end of the day for writing/learning new things! I don't by any stretch think that I have a bad life, but there are definitely things within my control that I could do to make my life a teeny bit better.

What about you?

OP posts:
Ginandjuice57884 · 13/12/2023 13:05

Your friend had a lucky roll of the dice.

Maddy70 · 13/12/2023 13:13

I think your friend Is right. Generally people are scared of change so stick to where they feel safe

Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 13:16

Bluelightbaby · 11/12/2023 22:37

I could and should probably return to academia to progress at work, well within my capabilities but I’m too scared of failure

Sorry to hear that you feel that way. Hope you can find the courage in the future.

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Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 13:35

MooFroo · 11/12/2023 23:12

I love the idea of ‘better life’ rather than best and was thinking about this recently. I watch too much telly so could easily walk on the spot or exercise while doing so but usually lie on the sofa!
lots of small and easy changes I could make but too lazy and not motivated enough!

we can’t all be living our best lives - but we can all choose to make our lives a bit better in some way. I’ve been eating healthier for the past 2 weeks, not lost weight but a friend commented I was glowing yesterday so I’ll carry on as I deffo feel better and healthier eating better food. A little change that makes me feel and look good and more importantly will help me be healthier

Haha, good idea! Maybe I'll try the jogging idea some time.

Glad hear that your changes are making you feel healthier after such a relatively short amount of time too 😊

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Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 13:40

jazzyfazzy766 · 11/12/2023 23:13

Interesting thread. Thing is everyone is different - my friend is so content with her rented 2 bed house and her children she has never left her home town never been on holiday works part time and only just makes ends meet . She has no desire to ever visit another town, go on holiday or buy clothes and make up apart from a supermarket. I love visiting new places seeing friends going to the theatre and would love to have more money and time to do this. My friend is so content because she has no desire to do anything - I look at her life and I sometimes think how boring but she is just so content she never gets stressed or worries about anything. She doesn't live beyond her means or have any interest in trying anything new she is a joy to be around because of how she loves a simple life.

If there is nothing in her life that she wants to change, it sounds like she must be living her best life. Fair play to her. There is a lot to be said for knowing what you want and not wasting your life playing keeping up with the Joneses for things that don't matter to you.

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Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 13:42

EconomyClassRockstar · 12/12/2023 00:34

I actually agree with some of what your friend said but the best advice re your exercise I can offer is that you will 100% feel better if you make time every day to move your body. I read some what I thought was bullshit on Instagram once and it literally changed my life. Do something every single day, be it yoga, cardio, power walk around the park, dancing for 20 minutes around your living room to whichever music floats your boat, whatever! Because, once you start, if you do what you actually enjoy, you'll carry on and your body will thank you. And you will have so much more energy for everything else.

Great advice, thank you 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 13:44

EconomyClassRockstar · 12/12/2023 00:37

One of my kids is Self/YouTube taught on the piano and he is, in many ways, better than me and I'm Grade 6 (30 years ago lol).

Show quote history

Wow!

OP posts:
Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 13:56

GreyCarpet · 12/12/2023 07:05

Reading some of these resoponses, it's clearly a phrases that's clearly open to interpretation!

What is this 'best life' yo which we should all strive?

There isn't one. There isn't a best life. I interpret it as do you prioritise yourself? Do you do thngs that make you happy? Are you striving for your personal view of 'success'? Are you content?

If not, what small changes could you make to get closer to it?

I have a career. But I haven't pursued it in a way that other people would consider would make me successful, but I have done it in a way that has worked for me. I'm never going to climb the greasy pole but I've done it in a way that gives me time to spend with my children, hobbies, friends and doing things I enjoy.

Those things are more important to me than a big house or a new car every couple of years. I don't feel trapped.

As I said before, the OP stated that she was referring to things that are within people's control to change and that's very important. There are lots of things about my life that I'd change if I could but are beyond my control and so I'm never going to live someone else's version of their 'best life'. I have no choice in those things but the things I can change or that I am in control of, it is my choice whether I change those or not.

It's not the same as a perfect life. I take it to mean are you living the best life you can given the hand you were dealt.

Are you living your best life.

Some people are trapped by circumstance and don't have the capacity to make changes because of this but some people live as though they have no agency at all because it absolves them of the responsibility of taking responsibility.

Many years ago, I knew a woman who worked as a cleaner in a pub. She lacked the capacity to do much more than that. But, when I knew her, she was being trained up to work on the till. Her goal was to be able to get a job working on a till. She was really excited about it because that was her view of living her best life. It's relative.

Yes, exactly this. "Best life" is not prescriptive, it is about making the best choices for yourself based on the options available to you and what you personally value.

OP posts:
Nospecialcharactersplease · 13/12/2023 13:57

I feel wholeheartedly for the people who have obstacles in their life that mean they can’t improve their circumstances much - poor health, caring for others, experience of trauma and abuse that shapes everything. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have any of those issues. We were just normal poor - ex-mining village, too many kids on the family, separated parents etc. I feel like I’m living my best life now though, and whilst I was lucky to have my health etc, the rest of it I did myself. I am miles ahead where I started, and doing better than old school friends etc, and that’s mostly because I put a lot more effort in. I could keep pushing as well, if I wanted to, but I’m content.

Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 14:02

aLFIESMA · 12/12/2023 12:46

Some folks are doing amazingly well given what they are going through! Give everyone the same level playing field of advantages - kind supportive upbringing, no crippling MH or money worries and most be living their best lives. One of the things that we are all able to do right now to improve our lot is to ditch the 'toxic friends/ relationships and nurture the good, always believe in ourselves.

Yes, l agree. Living your best life doesn't have to be about doing something, it could equally be about NOT doing something, like not wasting your energy on toxic people.

OP posts:
Tumbleweed101 · 13/12/2023 14:11

I'm not living my best life. The big changes to have a better life (for me) involve changing jobs, having more time etc but those changes have consequences and risks ie losing job security, possibly being worse off financially which I can't risk as the sole provider of my family.

Smaller changes I have had to make over the last three months and they are making a difference now. Such as losing weight and doing physio exercises to help knee and foot pain.

I agree most of us don't have the ability to change small things but it depends on what the impact will be elsewhere.

Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 14:15

Schleep · 12/12/2023 12:48

The number of people on here slamming your friend rather than answering your question reflecting on their choices tells you everything you need to know about people's willingness to take responsibility for their circumstances.
Life is hard, and often unfair - some people have to work harder to succeed than others.

Yes, I agree there are a surprisingly high number of people taking it personally and slamming someone they have never met for something that wasn't directed at them personally! And avoiding the question!

My friend wasn't talking to anyone here or criticising anyone's life. If you aren't happy with your life, it isn't her fault, is it?

There is also an assumption that my friend has had no troubles or adversity. She has actually had to get out of an abusive relationship and had to deal with some difficult mental health and fertility issues. She has had a lot of therapy/life coaching which is what I think has helped her to get her life together and focus her energy on what she CAN control in her life.

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Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 14:36

VioletSkies12 · 12/12/2023 12:52

Agreed that your friend sounds like a bit of a twat.
I’m the unhappiest I have ever been right now. Hate my job, family issues and lack of money. Life feels a lot more difficult and less enjoyable.
Money, a stable family unit and good health counts for a lot in my opinion and a lot of that is down to luck not being a go getter, a hard worker or anything like that. Very small minded way to think.

I don't think my friend is a twat for suggesting that someone can make their own life better.

I hope you are able to find a new job that brings you greater happiness and more money and that you are able to navigate your family issues to the best if your ability. Does that make me a twat for saying that?

OP posts:
Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 14:48

DuesToTheDirt · 12/12/2023 17:35

AIBU to ask are you living your best life? If so, what does that look like for you? If not, what is stopping you?

Maybe we don't really have free will. We are products of our genes, our upbringing, our current surroundings, and some even say our microbiome affects our "choices".

So we don't have any choices? 😢

I choose not to believe that 😁

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Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 14:49

GoingDownLikeBHS · 12/12/2023 17:34

@gotomomo it as if we are somehow failures as we don’t have the “best life” - that’s the nasty insinuation 😡

Nobody has said this

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Original poster
SoMuchOfEverything · 13/12/2023 14:54

GoingDownLikeBHS · 12/12/2023 17:43

Looks interesting! Thank you for sharing, I will put it on my (long) list of books that I may never get around to reading (along with Atomic Habits as suggested up thread) Thank you

OP posts: