To ask if you are living your best life?

[SoMuchOfEverything]

I had a conversation with a friend today who is very successful. She is from a fairly normal background and is very much "self made". She said that most people could have her success, but they don't want to help themselves to change their lot in life. I said that a lot of people are unable to change their lot in life. She said everyone could change something if they wanted to, they just don't want to live their best lives (or even their slightly better lives) because it is too much effort.

Thinking about it, I know there are lots of things I could do to improve my life (eg. get more exercise etc), but I never seem to have the energy 😕 So I guess she is right? Am I alone in not helping myself to improve my own life?

AIBU to ask are you living your best life? If so, what does that look like for you? If not, what is stopping you?

If you are not living your BEST life, what could you do to help get you living a slightly better life? (I don't mean like a lottery win or miracle cure for a long term illness, I mean things that you can personally control - better diet, exercise, more early nights, reading more books/newspapers, be more aware of current affairs, floss, declutter, travel, quit smoking/drinking, apply for a new job, learn a new skill, meditate, budget, catch up with old friends, paint, draw, yoga, play an instrument etc.)

If there are things in your control that could mean you have a slightly better life, what is stopping you from living a slightly better life?

Yabu - I'm living my best life
Yanbu - I'm not living my best life but I don't want to do anything differently even if it meant my life would be slightly better than it currently is.

I’m living my best available life. It’s different from my best life.

It’s the best one I’ve been able to work for and choose - within the constraints and limitations I face. I’m maxed out and exhausted now, that’s one of the limitations!

Other people face more or fewer limitations, have more or less luck, and have more or less time, energy, security, general headspace, and space to dedicate their efforts to bettering their lives versus supporting and serving their families, caring, simply surviving, etc.

But it's true.

Not everyone could become a millionaire (and many people wouldn't give a shit about it) but most of us could make one choice a day that would improve our lives if we actually just did it.

Well im living my only life!! Im not a Buddhist so I reckon this is my only chance.

No, it isn't true for everyone (or even most people). Not everyone can change their basic circumstances. It is very ableist, though, in my opinion.

Your friend does have a point, most people could be more successful (by conventional definitions) if they really wanted it enough, were prepared to commit their lives to it and take some risks. The problem with this from the POV of most Mumsnetterss that she is unusual. Serious ambition and an appetite for risk taking are much less prevalent characteristics in women than in men, for obvious social & biological reasons.

For myself, while I’m certainly not complaining about my life, I’m not living my best life because, although I’m in my 50s & financially comfortable, I’m not in a position to give up work, and that’s unlikely to change any time soon.

I’m living my best available life

I agree with this statement. People outside looking in on my life might see things they’d want to improve but I’m happy with how things are. Given the hurdles I’ve had, I’ve done well. I prefer to be content with that, rather than thinking oh but I should be doing x/y/z. The majority of days I wake up looking forward to the day ahead. It wasn’t always that way and I did make the changes to make it so. But there are limits to how much is within your power to change.

Thats why I said most and the OP did caveat it by saying things that are within our control.

I do think to be successful in business you have to work very hard with long hours and most people wouldn't want to / be able to do this. So I sort of agree with your friend on that but wouldn't say it out loud.

I think you can see in threads sometimes that people won’t take action to make their situation better.

Sometimes there are so so many helpful suggestions and there is a litany of reasons why that won’t work.

So I do agree with your friend to an extent that there are certain people who can’t or wont take action to improve their situation.

I don’t know why this is …

Ps not sure that means you are living your best life anyway! Just means you are rushed off your feet and stressed from what I've seen in the business world!

Some people can find a problem for every solution 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not my best life, but a good one.

I’m working on getting active and finding my way back from the Netflix rabbit hole I fell down during lockdown. I’ve realised that Netflix and my phone, I really struggle to read now. Started working on that 2 months ago and I’m getting it back 🤞🏾.

No, my life is completely miserable. I have so many stresses that my brain has shut down and functioning on a basic level is actually more than I can do most days, let alone think about or give energy to self improvement.

A small number of people pull themselves up by their bootstraps (to have their 'best life ) - they tend to be exceptional in talent and work ethic. For most people structural inequality makes that nigh on impossible. Your friend is BU in my opinion.

I would say I’m living the best possible life for me. I earn well, try to eat well and exercise, have a good relationship and am all round happy with life. However, that certainly hasn’t always been the case - for reasons both in and out of my control. Some things I’ve been able to improve and some have just been luck or time. I don’t think it’s any use expecting others to live their best lives if you don’t understand their circumstances, I imagine it’s hard to do if you’re a carer or suffer with a debilitating illness!

Urgh she sounds like a bootstraps thatcherite. Gross! I'm not sure you are living your best life with her in it!

Same here. I’ve actually managed to read 31 books since august, both fiction and non-fiction, since I stopped watching Netflix so much. Now I just have to get my head out of a book lol

OP you said within control, but then mentioned things like yoga, painting, playing an instrument etc, yet all these things incur a cost which for some people as much as they’d like to do it, they don’t have the finances to, so are hindered.

Your friend's version of 'living her best life' seems to be primarily financial? Which I'm not knocking: money really does have a lot to do with happiness, and certainly, it's wretched to be struggling for money.

I feel as if, on the whole, I am living a really good life. I adore my job. I have a five minute commute to get there are no school run; my darling DD is at a school she loves, and I have virtually limitless flexibility to pick her up when I need or when she's ill, and to fit my work around her. I have wonderful friends (including MNers I've known these 15 years), and a lovely local community.

You could say I should wish to be more successful. I used to have a job that looked a lot more high-flying. But I am so much happier now, with a job that really suits me, and my lifestyle.

I feel that I have done my friend a disservice. She is not a sanctimonious twat or an arse as some posters up thread are saying. She is a very nice person actually.

The conversation was a very long one and I have condensed it to a few paragraphs in order to post and perhaps lost some of the nuances.

None of the conversation was her saying people should be aiming for her version of success (she didn't define what success is, it was more her saying "anyone could do what I do" rather than her saying "I'm so special". More of a motivational the-only-thing-stopping-you-is-you sort of thing, and that there is always something you can do to make your life better, even if that is only a very small incremental difference, over time you can improve your life.

I think she is successful insofar as the things she wants, she goes for, whereas a lot of people (myself included) wish things were different but don't actually take any concrete steps towards achieving their goals.

In this case, I'd say it's entirely necessary.

OP's friend sounds like a megatwat.

31 is an amazing number 👏🏾👏🏾.

I'm should kick my MN habit too, then I’m sorted 😃.

I don't think you did her a disservice.

I understood that that was what you meant - she wasn't saying anyone could be like her/have material wealth if only they put the effort in, rather that we could all take steps to improve our lives in some small way.

I know that I could do better. DH would happily facilitate me getting more exercise. I could pick up the phone to old friends more often. But I drift along not doing these things and I have no concrete reason why not beyond ‘argh!’. But I am happy, healthy, have a good job and feel very lucky to have these so it doesn’t really upset me.

Definitely not. Too tired to change things at the moment.

Does she sell juice plus or FM world?