To ask if you are living your best life?

[SoMuchOfEverything]

I had a conversation with a friend today who is very successful. She is from a fairly normal background and is very much "self made". She said that most people could have her success, but they don't want to help themselves to change their lot in life. I said that a lot of people are unable to change their lot in life. She said everyone could change something if they wanted to, they just don't want to live their best lives (or even their slightly better lives) because it is too much effort.

Thinking about it, I know there are lots of things I could do to improve my life (eg. get more exercise etc), but I never seem to have the energy 😕 So I guess she is right? Am I alone in not helping myself to improve my own life?

AIBU to ask are you living your best life? If so, what does that look like for you? If not, what is stopping you?

If you are not living your BEST life, what could you do to help get you living a slightly better life? (I don't mean like a lottery win or miracle cure for a long term illness, I mean things that you can personally control - better diet, exercise, more early nights, reading more books/newspapers, be more aware of current affairs, floss, declutter, travel, quit smoking/drinking, apply for a new job, learn a new skill, meditate, budget, catch up with old friends, paint, draw, yoga, play an instrument etc.)

If there are things in your control that could mean you have a slightly better life, what is stopping you from living a slightly better life?

Yabu - I'm living my best life
Yanbu - I'm not living my best life but I don't want to do anything differently even if it meant my life would be slightly better than it currently is.

But I have an amazing life thanks to my partner who is a high earner

I was absolutely living my best life, travelling the globe, spending my spare time at dance music festivals, it was amazing.

I then got very unexpectedly pregnant with a child with autism, ADHD and now they are 17 probably bipolar as well.

The crash down to earth was something else. I have literally sacrificed my career, hobbies, everything to keep my child out of the local mental health unit. The only miracle is that my wonderful husband, kids dad, is still with us. Most would have been long gone. Crikey I would have loved to be long gone!

To quote..Go quietly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there can be in silence........With all it's sham,drudgery and broken dreams, it s still a beautiful wor. Strive to be happy. Desiderata is a good template for living your best life ( even if I don't think I am!)

I'm four years on from breast cancer, I may only have one boob but I'm happy to still be here 🙂

I hate that phrase too! "We all have the same 24 hours in a day as Beyoncé" Yes, but I'm pretty sure Beyoncé isn't doing the school run, pegging out the washing, scrubbing the loo, running the hoover round, weeding the garden, trundling around Tesco's for the Christmas food shop etc

I think I am. I've always been told by others that I'm so lucky to have the house i do, so lucky to have made it where I have in my career etc and it drives me mad a bit, as all of it took a lot of work to move away from my family at one point, remove myself from bad relationships, push myself to move across the world chasing opportunities, putting myself through extra night school etc etc etc. none of it has been luck

No, but I'm living a good enough life.

If I were more dedicated then yes, I could probably be earning more, have a bigger house, go on more holidays. But instead I've gotten to spend more time with DP and DD, and I'm rarely stressed.

Is there a perfect middle ground where I had a bit more money without more stress? Probably, but I'm not willing to risk "good enough" for "perfect"

This is an interesting one @SoMuchOfEverything … I think a lot of people generally do rationalize all the reasons they can’t ’do better’ and part of that rationalization is to call your friend and those like her names. But I do think people have more power to change things than they are willing to admit to themselves. Mostly because those things are hard.

I think maybe the better way to ask the question is what can you do right now to make yourself better. For some that answer is legitimately very little… but the trick is to know when you can and make some of the changes.

I hand on heart count myself in with the rationalizers but can also say that I have made myself better by doing some of the hard things.

@Desecratedcoconut loved your response and wanted to say so. I always say the key is a life more ordinary. Have yet to achieve a low enough bar but always striving. Well done you.

Hate that phrase, “living my best life”. As if you’re going to purposely live an awful life. Sometimes shit just happens

Come on sanctimonious isn't that bad. She does sound a bit of a cunt though.

Your friend is an utter arsehole. Not everyone can live their best lives for any number of reasons that are not within their control. Yes, we can make changes but what if you can't get a good job because you don't have the education and do not have the money to get the education? What if you have a disability or have children with disabilities or special needs? What if you've been living your best life and then something comes along to upend it?

There are limits that most of us can't overcome because they existed before we did and there are limits that are put upon us and no amount of changing things will make them disappear. I'm not living my best life for any number of reasons and at the moment the biggest of those reasons is getting diagnosed with cancer. People like your friend sicken me. They're so full of their own bullshit that you can smell them coming before you see them.

I love the idea of ‘better life’ rather than best and was thinking about this recently. I watch too much telly so could easily walk on the spot or exercise while doing so but usually lie on the sofa!
lots of small and easy changes I could make but too lazy and not motivated enough!

we can’t all be living our best lives - but we can all choose to make our lives a bit better in some way. I’ve been eating healthier for the past 2 weeks, not lost weight but a friend commented I was glowing yesterday so I’ll carry on as I deffo feel better and healthier eating better food. A little change that makes me feel and look good and more importantly will help me be healthier

Interesting thread. Thing is everyone is different - my friend is so content with her rented 2 bed house and her children she has never left her home town never been on holiday works part time and only just makes ends meet . She has no desire to ever visit another town, go on holiday or buy clothes and make up apart from a supermarket. I love visiting new places seeing friends going to the theatre and would love to have more money and time to do this. My friend is so content because she has no desire to do anything - I look at her life and I sometimes think how boring but she is just so content she never gets stressed or worries about anything. She doesn't live beyond her means or have any interest in trying anything new she is a joy to be around because of how she loves a simple life.

That was a fairly negative post, but completely honest
However I'm currently in bed with 2 kittens playing with my feet, warm and dry with dreadful weather outside and I'm very grateful for everything I have

Living my BEST life implies everything’s perfect, so no. But life is pretty good, as far as things go. There’s more right with it than there is wrong with it. Solid 7/10 right now!

If you are not living your BEST life, what could you do to help get you living a slightly better life? (I don't mean like a lottery win or miracle cure for a long term illness, I mean things that you can personally control - better diet, exercise, more early nights, reading more books/newspapers, be more aware of current affairs, floss, declutter, travel, quit smoking/drinking, apply for a new job, learn a new skill, meditate, budget, catch up with old friends, paint, draw, yoga, play an instrument etc.)

No, I'm not. I've always been kind of lazy I think, and lockdown made things worse - I had more free time, but just couldn't be bothered. And I've realised, especially as I've got older, that many things just don't matter. So what if I meditate or learn an instrument? Who cares?

I'm trying to get out of this mindset somewhat by signing up for things so that I have to do them, and don't turn into a complete vegetable.

@Lochness1975 YouTube and the Internet can honestly show you how to do any and all of those things for free - most people have access to Internet somewhere

an adult friend learned guitar as a complete beginner from YouTube,

not easy but very possible

I actually agree with some of what your friend said but the best advice re your exercise I can offer is that you will 100% feel better if you make time every day to move your body. I read some what I thought was bullshit on Instagram once and it literally changed my life. Do something every single day, be it yoga, cardio, power walk around the park, dancing for 20 minutes around your living room to whichever music floats your boat, whatever! Because, once you start, if you do what you actually enjoy, you'll carry on and your body will thank you. And you will have so much more energy for everything else.

One of my kids is Self/YouTube taught on the piano and he is, in many ways, better than me and I'm Grade 6 (30 years ago lol).

I’m definitely not living my best life, far from it. I’ve tried before but something always happens to ruin it. I’m in my 50s now so I’ve let that go and am just living to see my DC get her best life. ☺️

Your friend sounds quite annoying

I agree with Stagger, she sounds like an obnoxious twat. Am I living my best life? Errr no. But then I don't even want to! What is this 'best life' yo which we should all strive?

Saying that, I've broken my back in 4 places and can barely move or function for the last 9 months, so I'm in a bad way right now.

@EconomyClassRockstar

Not everyone likes exercise. I don't get endorphins from exercise, I have to thus find them in other ways.

Reading some of these resoponses, it's clearly a phrases that's clearly open to interpretation!

What is this 'best life' yo which we should all strive?

There isn't one. There isn't a best life. I interpret it as do you prioritise yourself? Do you do thngs that make you happy? Are you striving for your personal view of 'success'? Are you content?

If not, what small changes could you make to get closer to it?

I have a career. But I haven't pursued it in a way that other people would consider would make me successful, but I have done it in a way that has worked for me. I'm never going to climb the greasy pole but I've done it in a way that gives me time to spend with my children, hobbies, friends and doing things I enjoy.

Those things are more important to me than a big house or a new car every couple of years. I don't feel trapped.

As I said before, the OP stated that she was referring to things that are within people's control to change and that's very important. There are lots of things about my life that I'd change if I could but are beyond my control and so I'm never going to live someone else's version of their 'best life'. I have no choice in those things but the things I can change or that I am in control of, it is my choice whether I change those or not.

It's not the same as a perfect life. I take it to mean are you living the best life you can given the hand you were dealt.

Are you living your best life.

Some people are trapped by circumstance and don't have the capacity to make changes because of this but some people live as though they have no agency at all because it absolves them of the responsibility of taking responsibility.

Many years ago, I knew a woman who worked as a cleaner in a pub. She lacked the capacity to do much more than that. But, when I knew her, she was being trained up to work on the till. Her goal was to be able to get a job working on a till. She was really excited about it because that was her view of living her best life. It's relative.