To ask if you are living your best life?

[SoMuchOfEverything]

I had a conversation with a friend today who is very successful. She is from a fairly normal background and is very much "self made". She said that most people could have her success, but they don't want to help themselves to change their lot in life. I said that a lot of people are unable to change their lot in life. She said everyone could change something if they wanted to, they just don't want to live their best lives (or even their slightly better lives) because it is too much effort.

Thinking about it, I know there are lots of things I could do to improve my life (eg. get more exercise etc), but I never seem to have the energy 😕 So I guess she is right? Am I alone in not helping myself to improve my own life?

AIBU to ask are you living your best life? If so, what does that look like for you? If not, what is stopping you?

If you are not living your BEST life, what could you do to help get you living a slightly better life? (I don't mean like a lottery win or miracle cure for a long term illness, I mean things that you can personally control - better diet, exercise, more early nights, reading more books/newspapers, be more aware of current affairs, floss, declutter, travel, quit smoking/drinking, apply for a new job, learn a new skill, meditate, budget, catch up with old friends, paint, draw, yoga, play an instrument etc.)

If there are things in your control that could mean you have a slightly better life, what is stopping you from living a slightly better life?

Yabu - I'm living my best life
Yanbu - I'm not living my best life but I don't want to do anything differently even if it meant my life would be slightly better than it currently is.

Same here.

That's why it's relative and not absolute

I am definitely living my best life by avidly avoiding trying to live a better life.

This is so true, what a gem.

“Are you living your best life?”

“No, I’m intentionally living the worst life that I could possibly make for myself.”

The entire premise of an “alternate best life” is flawed.

My efforts to get new qualifications, to stay fit, to be a good mature mother and decent person have definitely created a better version of me than could have existed. I am content in ky own skin and I keep trying new things, studying and doing the right thing as I enjoy it and it works.

However, I do feel frustrated that other people have opportunities and chances that I never get. That doors are slammed in my face. If I am top performer and doing everything right, why aren't I moving forward? Why are people trying to push me down all the time? People admire my toughness, energy and discipline but don't understand that I have had to be because being able to take constant rejection is the only way I deal with my life. So yes and no basically. After 7 years of being loyal and giving so much I realised I would only be a disposeable afterthought to be treated like rubbish by certain people.

I get what she means.

31 books since August is amazing! Lots of people are focusing on the financial side because I said she is successful, but this is really the sort of thing I am talking about. Things within your own control that you have the power to change. Reading more is definitely a goal most people could achieve if they chose to give up/cut back on TV like you have. Definitely some best life shenanigans going on here! 👏👏

Re yoga, instruments, painting. Yes, there is a cost to regular lessons that might be prohibitive to many, I agree. BUT, there are lots of YouTube yoga tutorials that are freely available. Second hand instruments on Facebook marketplace or similar. Cheap paint set from Poundland. There is a cost, but for me (and for many others) I probably could find a way if I was determined enough. But I'm fairly disorganised and undisciplined, so I think it is more my personality that is stopping me!

Sometimes I feel like I am, like when I get to travel and see new things. But other times I reflect on wasted opportunities, times I took the easy option for an easy life, when I didn't do something for myself that meant I live with regrets. It's a mixed bag, which I'm sure it is for most people.

Yoga is free though- use free Youtube stuff. Painting can certainly be very cheap- you can get both paints and paper in the pound shop. Instruments can be boughtcheaply second hand and you can self teach. So nothing mentioned above is out of reach

Some folks are doing amazingly well given what they are going through! Give everyone the same level playing field of advantages - kind supportive upbringing, no crippling MH or money worries and most be living their best lives. One of the things that we are all able to do right now to improve our lot is to ditch the 'toxic friends/ relationships and nurture the good, always believe in ourselves.

The number of people on here slamming your friend rather than answering your question reflecting on their choices tells you everything you need to know about people's willingness to take responsibility for their circumstances.
Life is hard, and often unfair - some people have to work harder to succeed than others.

I hate the phrase, living my best life! It makes me want to vomit!
A lot of folk think living your best life has to do with having lots of money and the best job. Personally for me it’s all about health. Many folk just want to be healthy. I had colon cancer in august, all clear now. It put life into perspective for me. Just happy to be here.
ps your friend sounds annoying.

Agreed that your friend sounds like a bit of a twat.
I’m the unhappiest I have ever been right now. Hate my job, family issues and lack of money. Life feels a lot more difficult and less enjoyable.
Money, a stable family unit and good health counts for a lot in my opinion and a lot of that is down to luck not being a go getter, a hard worker or anything like that. Very small minded way to think.

Thank you @GreyCarpet!

@betterangels I'm not asking if people can change their basic circumstances. I'm asking is there anything at all in your life that you could do/change to make your life a tiny biy better? If there is, what is it and are you doing it? Small stuff - anything - whatever you personally like doing/would like to be done.

Yes, I'm living my best life. But I'm hopelessly unambitious and easily pleased. The trick is to keep a low bar.

This lol 👆🏻
Your friend sounds like she just like to pat herself on the back OP

Those who have been fortunate in life (I won't call it luck as often it's more a case of good choices, right place right time) don't understand the barriers others face - take weight, exercise and other simple things on our control, but are they - time, money come into it plus some of us are naturally lethargic! (Me).

We are only in control of our own destiny to a point - I'm living a great life but it was chance that dp's marriage collapsed the same time as mine (both 20 + year marriages) and we met a few months later - that wasn't in my control was it!

True, people seem to manage to find time and money for things they want to do. Like people with addictions and habits always manage to find drink, drugs, cigarettes, etc. no matter what.

Like you said, with YouTube widely available to anyone with an internet connection you can learn anything there.

I don't think many people are that self-reflective or willing to look at the starting point of how they ended up where they are and it's not a judgment, but more of an assessment of life experiences.

It's not easy to admit, for example, you fobbed off school to drink and party, ended up dating some cocklodging bum, and ended up with three kids by him and that's why you're in the position you're in rather than any type of systemic oppression.

It takes a lot to say, Yes I cocked up, and then figure out a different path to take to slowly work out of that if possible.

I don't entirely disagree with your friend. I know I need to eat healthier, do more exercise and spend less time on my phone. There was a time (pre-kids) when I was a beacon of health and I know exactly what I need to do to get there again. I could find the time as I work from home mostly. Mostly I can't be arsed. So I'm choosing to not live my 'best life' if you like.

@GoingDownLikeBHS

My thoughts too, as late as 2021 I was having to provide intensive support to dd, her needs are complex mental health on top of autism - she's in a better place now, but we'll likely be back to dark days again. Those who haven't been carers won't understand having to coax an adult to eat a spoonful of ice cream to stop them from starving themselves, didn't choose that

@gotomomo it as if we are somehow failures as we don’t have the “best life” - that’s the nasty insinuation 😡

AIBU to ask are you living your best life? If so, what does that look like for you? If not, what is stopping you?

Maybe we don't really have free will. We are products of our genes, our upbringing, our current surroundings, and some even say our microbiome affects our "choices".

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Determined-Life-Without-Free-Will/dp/1847925537/ref=asc_df_1847925537/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=651146161855&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12406004593788231614&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9044985&hvtargid=pla-1959184349507&psc=1&mcid=36bf886841ef3cb5955fd3136fe33448&th=1&psc=1

Hope that link works - currently reading this; talks about life being pre-determined by parents, genes etc - anathema to me but interesting to see a different pijj in r of view.

I hate the phrase "living your best life" as if everyone's got a choice regardless of the socioeconomic challenges that might stand in their way.

That being said, I absolutely make sure that I do because before my younger brother died, I promised him that I'd live a life worthy of remembering and that I would take him with me on every adventure and foolhardy challenge. So it's in my best interests to take advantage of every opportunity that comes up.

But to OPs question of what things in your life that you could do/change to make your life a tiny biy better, I'm pretty committed to self care in whatever form it feels like at the time.

• I dedicate at least an hour of my day to myself and I'm absolutely ruthless about it. Usually it's at 5am but it still belongs to me! 😂
• I work out 5-6 days a week - I train boxing, running, yoga.
• I read voraciously (am on book 75 of 2023, it was a NY resolution to read more)
• I set myself "uncomfort zone" challenges as often as I can - small, medium, large. As an example in January my challenges will be something like: Small = cold showers for 30 days; medium = start to plan exit from corporate role / next career move; large = train for a sub 2 hour half marathon or Spartan race.

Every time I step out of my comfort zone, a cascade of brilliant things happen, and this is a pattern I've observed my entire life. So this, to me, is "living my best life" and one that I can be proud of.

It sounds to me that you are living your best life.

@pinkfonie @27icey you're not 'addicted' you just choose to spend time on your phone, which is absolutely your choice. However there are obviously consequences to spending that much time. Your choice.