To ask if you are living your best life?

[SoMuchOfEverything]

I had a conversation with a friend today who is very successful. She is from a fairly normal background and is very much "self made". She said that most people could have her success, but they don't want to help themselves to change their lot in life. I said that a lot of people are unable to change their lot in life. She said everyone could change something if they wanted to, they just don't want to live their best lives (or even their slightly better lives) because it is too much effort.

Thinking about it, I know there are lots of things I could do to improve my life (eg. get more exercise etc), but I never seem to have the energy 😕 So I guess she is right? Am I alone in not helping myself to improve my own life?

AIBU to ask are you living your best life? If so, what does that look like for you? If not, what is stopping you?

If you are not living your BEST life, what could you do to help get you living a slightly better life? (I don't mean like a lottery win or miracle cure for a long term illness, I mean things that you can personally control - better diet, exercise, more early nights, reading more books/newspapers, be more aware of current affairs, floss, declutter, travel, quit smoking/drinking, apply for a new job, learn a new skill, meditate, budget, catch up with old friends, paint, draw, yoga, play an instrument etc.)

If there are things in your control that could mean you have a slightly better life, what is stopping you from living a slightly better life?

Yabu - I'm living my best life
Yanbu - I'm not living my best life but I don't want to do anything differently even if it meant my life would be slightly better than it currently is.

From what you say, it sounds as if she doesn't want to brag about herself, so she says 'anyone could do what I do'? I do agree that there are people who miss out on opportunities because they're too scared to live up to their potential, or because they've always been trodden on and told not to get above themselves. If your intention is to make people aware of their potential, that's nice.

But I still don't think 'living your best life' needs to have much to do with financial success.

Your friend is right. I wouldn’t say I’m living my best life in all ways but I’m the only one from my friends group who left our sleepy home town. All complain about it still, but not one of them has ever considered leaving and starting afresh elsewhere. I had a 7yr old child in tow with me when I moved 250 miles for a new job, and new life and was just 24. I think even now I could do stuff to life a better life if I wanted, but I’m not as motivated now I’m approaching 50. But I really do think the majority of people have the opportunity to make real change in their life if then wanted to.

I'd be interested to know what line of work your friend is in and how many hours of work a week she does?

I think it’s true that we can all choose how we look at things and have a lot of agency within a context, but obviously there are many reasons why people either feel unable or can’t reasonably be expected to affect change.

What I suspect is that those people who do 'live their best life' (I hate that phrase) are born with higher levels of dopamine and whatever other brain chemistry cocktails give you energy and drive and motivation. Some of us simply have no energy. It is very hard to be motivated 24/7 if your brain chemistry is sending messages saying 'You're exhausted' from the moment you get up.

Similarly, it is hard if your every waking is hour is filled with anxiety about a sick or SEN child or domestic violence or money worries. It's not impossible, but it is harder. If it's a colossal effort just to get dressed, you're not going to be crossing 6 impossible things off your to do list before breakfast. But that doesn't mean you can't have a deeply pleasurable and meaningful life and great relationships. It just means you're less likely to be achieving the shiny things that society admires so much.

Interesting to see on how would people perceive her life. Would her parents, relatives or her partner also have the same view on her success.
It's just I was thinking about my two cousins.
One has 3 kids and works as a primary teacher with good husband who is Uber driver.
Her sister is a top CEO with a 6 figure salary but has no kids no partner. Same age mix 30s.
Their parents judge the first one as a success and the CEO a failure. It was always puzzling why do we judge women on her family value not on her career.

Am I living my best life? NO. Am I living my life the best I can? You bet I am.

I agree that it's an irritating expression but I think the whole point of it is that it focuses on you living your best life.

Not the best life.

It already recognises limitations and differences in desire, interests, opportunity and resources etc.

It doesn't presume there is a single perfect ideal way to live, rather that we should strive for the best life we can individually live.

Sometimes, I choose to spend the whole day in bed. I read, drink tea, look out of my bedroom window at my garden and nap intermittently. I'm not achieving anything on those days but some of those days are the ones where I am, indeed, living my best life.

I sort of agree with her. I could change things but I'm too scared, have no confidence and also I'm pretty lazy.

More of a motivational the-only-thing-stopping-you-is-you sort of thing, and that there is always something you can do to make your life better, even if that is only a very small incremental difference, over time you can improve your life

But very often it's not the person themselves that is stopping them from improving their lives, it's circumstances such as health, caring for relatives, abusive relationships, poverty, lack of time due to family responsibilities etc.

I've found that even if I do manage to improve some small aspect of my life and I see improvement over time, the next blow comes along and sets me right back where I started.

I try and make the most of every day and do lots. But I have had so many bereavements in the last few years that I feel a bit broken inside.

I am living my only life so am trying to make the best of it without putting too much effort into it.

Live in a country where people actually believe that you can live your best life. Some places and their culture are just miserable.

I could take time out to write a novel (childhood dream that never went away) but I’d have to sacrifice either money, family time or days off. I’d be living my “best life” but missing out too and that’s the sacrifice I choose.
ditto joining a gym, and about a million other things I’d like to do. I could, but the price (money, time or family) isn’t one I want to pay.

I am living in a situation now that 3 years back I so desperately desperately wanted and did not think it possible. My minset was the only thing that changed I found solutions instead of problems and ill gurantee there is a fuck tonne of what people would call problems 🤣. I'm not living my best best life but I am living my best life I can right now. By next year I'll be living my dream of best life right now but by then there will be more goals. My ideas of my best life don't involve wealth and luxury though if that helps.

Omg me too! And I have that book, need to get off my phone and read it

Well, my life isn’t perfect. There are many things I could do each day to make it better (maybe I have gone to a yoga class instead of going to the cafe for a panini at lunchtime). But there are also things I do do to make life better each day.

And I also know that if I met myself at a party I’d think my life was pretty charmed. I’ve also inherited from my father an interminable and infuriating talent to naturally see the best in everyone and every situation. It’s a very lucky trait to have, I think.

So I guess if not my best life, a more than adequate life which I thoroughly enjoy.

Sorry but who the he'll cares about some random persons opinion they don't even know.

Just had to comment on this - do you have to sacrifice things though?

I wrote a novel by getting up an hour earlier each day. One hour before family woke up, five days a week, weekends off.

It made literally no difference to my family time etc - I was spending the last hour before bed just staring at my phone anyway. Made me loads happier each day too.

Am I fuck.

What even is “living your best life” ? How are we defining it ?

I think if you have a degree of choice over how you spend your time and money, and how you use your headspace and your physical space, you must be living a pretty good life.

I think these are universal constants, as we all like/value different things.

I know that there are things totally outside of our control, so it isn't about waving a magic wand and having a perfect life, it was more about changing what we can change. I guess I do "buy into this" because the alternative is to say that I have no control around my own life to make even small changes, and I (personally) don't feel that way. But I do understand that the what-can-be-changed category is much smaller for some than it is for others.

I think I am. But only in the sense that life is a series of phases and not all of it is super easy. In time-poor and a little frustrated in my job, but the flip side is that I have a choice to change that when I want, and I’m choosing to prioritise my children at the moment, so the decision feels right for us.

I’m a perfectionist and strive to be as good as I can be, but the consequence of this is a tendency to catastrophise and resent the imperfect. I’m working on that

I could and should probably return to academia to progress at work, well within my capabilities but I’m too scared of failure