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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being referred to as a girl

161 replies

Genericusers · 11/12/2023 13:12

Earlier a woman maybe in her 50s said "let the girl come past" referring to me, a 30 year old woman. I do look younger but still, 20 something.

Am I being unreasonable that this bothered me a little?

OP posts:
Dotjones · 11/12/2023 13:15

Yes I think so. It's quite common for people to use the term "girl" to describe adult women. People say "night out with the girls" or "girlie movie" without any negative intention.

Verv · 11/12/2023 13:15

Yes. Yabu.

A woman asked someone else to move to let you through, and you're upset because you dont think her terminology reflects your maturity.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 11/12/2023 13:15

Only on MN does anyone care.

In real life it's a girls' night out, even if the "girls" in question are in their 80s.

And yes, it is a boys' night out too. This is not a feminist hill to die on.

Original poster
Genericusers · 11/12/2023 13:15

She was talking to her dog but I see your point.

OP posts:
NotFastButFurious · 11/12/2023 13:17

I probably wouldnt even notice! I’d say “I’m going out with the girls from work” but we’re all mid40’s plus, in the same way I’d say “I’m taking the girls shopping” when referring to DDs.

SerendipityJane · 11/12/2023 13:17

So if a 50 year old man said "Let the lads through" about a bunch of 30 year olds. they should be offended ?

No wonder: i9s com it was so easy train my ne chatGPT template: "Look for things that don't matter and make them into an issue".

Next week: Is comic sans sexist ?

Keilagh · 11/12/2023 13:18

I’m 29 and most women I know still refer to themselves as girls. I think it’s just becoming more common nowadays.

DustyLee123 · 11/12/2023 13:18

YABVU. We’re all girls where I work, and no one is under 40

DoAWheelie · 11/12/2023 13:18

At 18 I felt like an adult and saw all the 18 year olds around me as adults too. Once I hit 30 all the 18 year olds look like tiny little babies to me now.

The older you get the younger the young seem, so you call them all girl/boy as 18-25 year olds all look mostly the same to you. It's a reflection of the way she sees the entire world, not if you personally.

Remember when you were a teen and a random toddler said to their mother "look at that lady" about you? It's the same but backwards.

JenniferJuniper80 · 11/12/2023 13:19

I'm 60. I was referred to as "a little girl" whilst on holiday this year (by an American gentleman about my age)
It's no big deal. Certainly not worth getting your knickers in a twist.

I refer to most woman as girls, as in "did you hear about the old girl who put the cat in the wheelie bin?"

Not worth giving a second thought to.

closingdownsale · 11/12/2023 13:19

Yep yabu. It doesn't mean 'little' girl.

eggandonion · 11/12/2023 13:22

Where I live Girl is the equivalent of Dear if you don't know someones name. Lads is non gender specific.

IsThePopeCatholic · 11/12/2023 13:26

I hate it. It’s really demeaning. I’m a woman . I haven’t been a girl for years. I also hate ‘girls night out’. It’s so silly.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 11/12/2023 13:50

Dotjones · 11/12/2023 13:15

Yes I think so. It's quite common for people to use the term "girl" to describe adult women. People say "night out with the girls" or "girlie movie" without any negative intention.

girl Is not an appropriate address for a mature women in a polite, random or professional setting
it belittles a women- literally. It diminishes women to the status of a child

If you’d called a man a boy in same situation at best it would be described as strange and at worse it would end in a fight. in what place would you say to move aside because “let the boy pass” to a 30 year old bloke?

that is completely different from women referring to themselves as girls when in a social situation. It implies a “playful” and to a certain extent “irresponsible “ attitude that is entirely consistent with a fun night out or a silly romcom type movie night . In that situation the removal of recognition that women are adults, is potentially liberating and permissive for some rather “childish” behaviour . it is not in a serious context

Here even men will put up with “out with the boys” or a “lads night”. Men are afforded that respect to only get reduced to children when they are actually in play mode . Not when being referred to by a stranger in the street.

context is everything.

SerendipityJane · 11/12/2023 13:55

If you’d called a man a boy in same situation at best it would be described as strange and at worse it would end in a fight.

How about "lad", as I suggested ? Bearing in mind "boy" has a very variable meaning depending on geography. Although Elvis Costello did sing "with the boys from the Mersey and the Thames and the Tyne" without sparking a riot on blokeynet.

Toottooot · 11/12/2023 13:57

At least she didnae call you a quine 🙄

Begsthequestion · 11/12/2023 13:57

I don't like it much. Especially when used in a sentence with "men" i.e. the men were chatting up the girls at the bar...

And when the word girl is used in a job title, it usually denotes a sex worker i.e. call girl, working girl, sex cam girl, girls girls girls... Surely "woman" would be more appropriate here but for some reason the diminutive term is preferred.

And then there's "girlboss" which I genuinely thought was about female children choosing a business career but I think it's used for bosses who are women? It implies that otherwise bosses are men.

LolaSmiles · 11/12/2023 13:58

The only time it would bother me is if "girl" was being used in a way to power play.
For example, in the workplace a colleague or manager referring to "get the girls in the office to send that across" would annoy me because our colleagues in admin are valued colleagues and don't need to be infantalised

A passing comment from an older woman wouldn't hit my radar.

mambojambodothetango · 11/12/2023 14:00

The usual sexist test applies: would you use the equivalent word for a male? I doubt the person would have said boy about a 30 year old man. Whereas girls night out has boys night out as an equivalent, so not the same scenario at all. Using girl to describe an obviously adult female when you wouldn't do it to a male is all about infantalising women, reducing their importance in the world - even if it's done unconsciously. If you think woman is a rude term (preferring girl or lady), you must ask yourself why you think this.

Gillypie23 · 11/12/2023 14:00

Yea get over it

Peacheroo · 11/12/2023 14:01

Genericusers · 11/12/2023 13:15

She was talking to her dog but I see your point.

This is hilarious! I don't know if I'd pay too much mind to someone who says this to their dog - and I say that to someone who would 100% say this to my dog!

I'm late 30s. I say girl for anyone around my age. Always have and will probably say this when I'm 50/60. When I was very early 20s an ancient late 30s person referred to herself as girl and I was amazed she did not yet see herself as a lady. Funny how these things are.

Friarclose · 11/12/2023 14:02

Good god who tf cares, what a thing to be bothered about. If he'd said let this little shit through then yeah, be bothered, but girl??

sprigatito · 11/12/2023 14:04

YANBU, it's demeaning and infantilising. "Lads" for men isn't the same at all, because men aren't the oppressed sex.

Casual sexism matters. Every single time.

ILikeDungs · 11/12/2023 14:06

"So if a 50 year old man said "Let the lads through" about a bunch of 30 year olds. they should be offended ?"

Not a direct comparison to the situation or the word. One person, not a group, and 'lass' would go with 'lad', not 'girl'.

What if a 50 year old man said "let the boy through" to his dog?

DidiAskYouThough · 11/12/2023 14:08

You’re annoyed about what a woman SAID TO HER DOG?