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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being referred to as a girl

161 replies

Genericusers · 11/12/2023 13:12

Earlier a woman maybe in her 50s said "let the girl come past" referring to me, a 30 year old woman. I do look younger but still, 20 something.

Am I being unreasonable that this bothered me a little?

OP posts:
notacooldad · 12/12/2023 10:06

@monsteraa
'I met a boy at work today' - would you assume that was a grown man?
Context is everything.
If a mate was telling me she met a boy she liked at work I would assume it was a ' grown' man.
As our shift finished last week one of the blokes came into the office and said ' me and some of the boys are going for a pint at the tap if anyone wants to joins us. I assumed, and correctly as it turned out, he was referring to the other men on the team.

RonObvious · 12/12/2023 10:08

I'm 46, and was having some dental work done. My (male and similar-aged) dentist asked me how I was doing, I indicated I was fine, and he said "good girl".

I did take umbrage, but due to the fact he was working on my teeth at the time felt obliged to keep that to myself. Good grief, though.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 12/12/2023 10:10

Maybe the dog has limited understanding??

Cosyblankets · 12/12/2023 10:17

DidiAskYouThough · 11/12/2023 14:08

You’re annoyed about what a woman SAID TO HER DOG?

This!
FFS have you got no other concerns in your life?
I'm off out with my dog now I'll make sure he moves out of the way if any girls

brunettemic · 12/12/2023 10:21

😂😂😂

AvengedQuince · 12/12/2023 10:35

Marmalady75 · 12/12/2023 04:40

I told my ds to “move out the way of the lady” and was treated to a mouthful of abuse because “I’m not a lady, I’m a woman”. Wonder what she would have done if I’d called her a girl🤣?

I find it odd that you hear 'lady' a lot more often than 'gentleman'. Men get to be men but it sometimes seems like people think woman is a dirty word.

CurlewKate · 12/12/2023 10:40

"Have you not wondered why adult women are regularly referred to as girls but adult men aren't referred to as boys?
They are in my expierence"

🤣when was the last time you heard a man say "I'm off out with my boyfriends?"
"Having a drink with a boy from work" "Could you check with the boy from accounts?" "I met a lovely boy at the gym today!"

anarchicparadise · 12/12/2023 10:49

enchantedsquirrelwood · 11/12/2023 13:15

Only on MN does anyone care.

In real life it's a girls' night out, even if the "girls" in question are in their 80s.

And yes, it is a boys' night out too. This is not a feminist hill to die on.

THIS THIS THIS

monsteraa · 12/12/2023 12:01

notacooldad · 12/12/2023 10:06

@monsteraa
'I met a boy at work today' - would you assume that was a grown man?
Context is everything.
If a mate was telling me she met a boy she liked at work I would assume it was a ' grown' man.
As our shift finished last week one of the blokes came into the office and said ' me and some of the boys are going for a pint at the tap if anyone wants to joins us. I assumed, and correctly as it turned out, he was referring to the other men on the team.

The point is that the word 'girl' is used for a grown woman a lot more often than 'boy' is used for a grown man. And ultimately that's due to the patriarchy and misogyny.

Just to quote @CurlewKate who made the point very well:

🤣when was the last time you heard a man say "I'm off out with my boyfriends?"
"Having a drink with a boy from work" "Could you check with the boy from accounts?" "I met a lovely boy at the gym today!"

monsteraa · 12/12/2023 12:04

@enchantedsquirrelwood Not true at all that 'only on mumsnet does anyone care' - I have heard this discussed by my friends in real life.

It's not a 'hill to die on', but it's part of a bigger picture and just something to notice. Women are infantalised, which is convenient for men because it keeps them in positions of power. This happens in a million tiny ways.

Cosyblankets · 12/12/2023 12:12

I know plenty of blokes who say I'm going out with the boys. And i go out with the girls. We're middle aged.

notacooldad · 12/12/2023 12:14

The point is that the word 'girl' is used for a grown woman a lot more often than 'boy' is used for a grown man. And ultimately that's due to the patriarchy and misogyny

Just to quote@CurlewKatewho made the point very well:

🤣when was the last time you heard a man say "I'm off out with my boyfriends?"
"Having a drink with a boy from work" "Could you check with the boy from accounts?" "I met a lovely boy at the gym today!"

I thought I'd answered, but I think I gave up so ill try again. I don't hear women say 'I'm out with girlfriends much these days but ' I'm out with the girls' I hear blokes say ' I'm out with the boys tonight'. My dad at 84 says it when he meets up with his former work mates, my Dh says it, my adult sons say it.

' I met a lovely boy from the gym' maybe not but my gay friend tells me of the fit boy at Starbucks. He wasn't fit and he was about 38!

At work we are told to ring the boys at IT over techy stuff that IT administration have to deal with. ( there's no women there atm since the last one got promoted to a different team.)

I, at the age of 58 have more important issues going on than being called ' girl' or my Dh being called ' boy' ( well these days he's slipped into the 'old boy' categorythese days )

Mrsjayy · 12/12/2023 12:17

RonObvious · 12/12/2023 10:08

I'm 46, and was having some dental work done. My (male and similar-aged) dentist asked me how I was doing, I indicated I was fine, and he said "good girl".

I did take umbrage, but due to the fact he was working on my teeth at the time felt obliged to keep that to myself. Good grief, though.

Well that was condescending my god !

I do think context is everything though and its fine to mix and match what you find offensive/disrespectful.

StarlightLady · 12/12/2023 12:18

YABU unless it was said in a demeaning or derogatory way. I’m in my 40s and this girl is (still) on fire!

Gwenhwyfar · 12/12/2023 12:37

" manager referring to "get the girls in the office to send that across" would annoy me because our colleagues in admin are valued colleagues and don't need to be infantalised"

Oh that is awful.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/12/2023 12:37

" 'lass' would go with 'lad', not 'girl'."

Not where I come from. We use lad, but not lass generally.

Chipsahoyagain · 12/12/2023 13:00

Friarclose · 11/12/2023 14:02

Good god who tf cares, what a thing to be bothered about. If he'd said let this little shit through then yeah, be bothered, but girl??

I know its pathetic what people get worked up over.

Cosyblankets · 12/12/2023 13:42

Gwenhwyfar · 12/12/2023 12:37

" manager referring to "get the girls in the office to send that across" would annoy me because our colleagues in admin are valued colleagues and don't need to be infantalised"

Oh that is awful.

I bet the girls in the office say they're going out with the girls. I bet they also refer to each other as a girl from work.
A few posts upthread someone referred to the boys in IT. In the world of the easily offended is this OK ? What's the difference?

eggandonion · 12/12/2023 13:51

My daughter got rid of her previous boyfriend...he is 30. She now has a new boyfriend who is 35. They are a fairly recent item. So partner doesn't seem right.
From now on I will tell ddog to move for the human. That seems best.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/12/2023 13:58

"I bet the girls in the office say they're going out with the girls. I bet they also refer to each other as a girl from work."

It's different isn't it. They mae call each other 'love' and 'darling' but not appreciate that from a manager they don't know well. It's about level of familiarity.

And yes, someone might say the boys from IT, but they wouldn't say the 'boys' from the C-Suite. Can you see the difference?

Cosyblankets · 12/12/2023 20:40

The C suite? You've lost me on that. Am i out of touch with the jargon?

AvengedQuince · 12/12/2023 20:43

eggandonion · 12/12/2023 13:51

My daughter got rid of her previous boyfriend...he is 30. She now has a new boyfriend who is 35. They are a fairly recent item. So partner doesn't seem right.
From now on I will tell ddog to move for the human. That seems best.

Doesn't he have a name? Wouldn't he be her lover though?

eggandonion · 12/12/2023 21:31

I dont know how intimate the relationship is! Lover and mistress seem like terms for extra marital relationships?
Perhaps I will stick to person or human from now on. Or dog and cat and rabbit etc. Ddog mustnt sniff round after bunnies any more.

StarlightLady · 12/12/2023 23:11

I’m 40s and old school. I still refer to anyone l have se with as “lover”.

eggandonion · 12/12/2023 23:29

I suppose I could ask my dd if the lad is a boyfriend or a lover. He obviously has a name...I would tell ddog not to try to steal Xs biscuit...but do I tell mil that X is a boyfriend or a lover.
One has to be very careful.