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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have sex on your period

324 replies

Toothurtyoclock · 10/12/2023 21:47

Regular user but name changed for this.

I had a day out with a friend yesterday and we had a lot of girl chat. Somehow or another I said something along the lines of 'but I was on my period, so obviously we didn't have sex'. My friend was genuinely surprised by this and that I've never had sex on my period, ever. Not with DH, nor anyone prior. Honestly, it's not something I've even considered doing, kind of like one of the rules of life, death, taxes and can't have sex on your period. My friend says this is not her experience at all and says bar maybe the first few days when it's at it's heaviest and she feels the most uncomfortable, she and her DH have sex as much as they otherwise would.
I spoke about it with DH to ask his thoughts and he's in the same boat as me, says he's just always assumed you don't do that and the few guy friends he has that he does talk about sex with, they don't have sex with their wives or girlfriends on their period either.
I don't actually have many friends that I speak this openly about sex to so was just wondering what the wise women of Mumsnet think.

Honestly, I feel like crap the first few days of my period but after that, I feel my normal self and it annoys me that I 'can't' have sex for the next 4 or 5 days so maybe this is something I need to reconsider but it's something I've not even considered before, I just always assumed it not done and never challenged it. Now I feel a bit foolish as I can't now work out how I really feel about it. DH says he's up for giving it a go if I'm comfortable with it but I don't know if I am yet.

OP posts:
mrlistersgelfbride · 10/12/2023 23:15

Period blood only smells when it comes into contact with the air.

You do you it's a personal choice.

What's a dead bedroom?!
Jesus.

FreshWinterMorning · 10/12/2023 23:15

Whataretheodds · 10/12/2023 23:11

Yes. I have heavy periods but everything feels more sensitive, organised help enormously with the cramps and headaches.
It would put me off a guy if he were weird about it.

If people don't want to that's fine but it's grating when other women go on about it being disgusting or unthinkable: ridiculous judgement

Of course it's not 'ridiculous judgement' for someone to think it's disgusting and foul to have sex on your period. They are peoples opinions FFS.

beanontoast · 10/12/2023 23:16

FreshWinterMorning · 10/12/2023 23:14

Of course your period smells! 😆 Deluded much!

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Not any worse than normal shagging smells.

whengodwasarabbit1 · 10/12/2023 23:16

Yes on lighter days, towel down, hot bath together afterwards.

YeahIsaidit · 10/12/2023 23:18

whengodwasarabbit1 · 10/12/2023 23:16

Yes on lighter days, towel down, hot bath together afterwards.

How big is your bath?!

NightTimeRain · 10/12/2023 23:18

I always find it funny when people claim period blood doesn't smell. Of course it does. Nothing to do with washing I shower every single day period or otherwise

FreshWinterMorning · 10/12/2023 23:20

NightTimeRain · 10/12/2023 23:18

I always find it funny when people claim period blood doesn't smell. Of course it does. Nothing to do with washing I shower every single day period or otherwise

Exactly. Period smells are naff-all to do with bathing or washing enough. That was just a poster trying to be clever and funny and failing!!!

OutOfOrder67 · 10/12/2023 23:20

Used to occasionally. Haven’t in years

would rather dry hump a hot water bottle these days tbh 😂

10HailMarys · 10/12/2023 23:21

It’s not my thing - way too messy, and my libido during my period has always been basically zero because I feel like shite throughout.

I have randomly (and unknowingly) bled twice during sex, each time with a different partner, and neither of them was at all bothered by it. One just said afterwards, “I think you’ve got your period, by the way?” The other one just cracked on until I realised and when I said “Christ, there’s blood everywhere! Why didn’t you say something?!” he said “Oh, I just assumed you knew.”

No, mate, if I’d known I would have mentioned it before it turned into the prom scene from Carrie, ffs.

It’s just a case of each to their own, isn’t it? Nothing wrong with it if you like it; nothing wrong with it if you don’t. (And that applies to both men and women.)

Kpcs · 10/12/2023 23:22

Me and my partner always have sex on my period. Actually makes me feel better.

beanontoast · 10/12/2023 23:22

The blood itself has hardly any smell. Someone else already pointed out if you use a mooncup you quickly realise this. The 'smell' is usually from a tampon or pad when blood has been sat chilling for hour/s at a time, obviously that's going to smell like any coagulated, old bodily fluid will.

User170097733 · 10/12/2023 23:22

No bloody way, mega heavy clotty periods here so it would be mop and bucket for all the wrong reasons 😆not that he could prise me off my hot water bottle anyway

FourteenTog · 10/12/2023 23:24

When are women schooled into feeling bad about the cyclical changes in their natural smell? Our bleed isn't some form of filth! Is it that there's nothing positive to counteract the 'eww' reaction at school? People eat rare steak and blue cheese, drink peaty whisky, and wear strong scents like tuberose and oud. I find it useful to notice my natural scent changing as it tells me a lot about my cycle. There's a whiff of internalised misogyny around...

ToThineOwnSelf · 10/12/2023 23:24

I read an interview with the director who said that scene was about him accepting everything about her, interesting take on it

BananaSplitsss · 10/12/2023 23:25

skyfalldown · 10/12/2023 22:29

Can't say I've ever thought about it much, but he's never looked like that. Idk the science but the flow seems to stop.... and his mouth isn't exactly in that area...

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Okay … so maybe not in THAT area .. but for me I think it is still grim.

Just my personal opinion.

But not my fanjo . Not my husband’s tongue and mouth.

SpringingJoy · 10/12/2023 23:26

Not on the first day or two. I'm crampy, headachy, bloated and just not in the mood. After that we crack on as normal.

I'm surprised by how many on here are so disgusted/horrified at the thought.

stepintochristmas1 · 10/12/2023 23:26

It's a bit like going back in time here with all the 'disgusting' comments .

thedementedelf · 10/12/2023 23:27

I don't get periods anymore but I never did that. I think it's disgusting but each to their own.

beanontoast · 10/12/2023 23:29

FourteenTog · 10/12/2023 23:24

When are women schooled into feeling bad about the cyclical changes in their natural smell? Our bleed isn't some form of filth! Is it that there's nothing positive to counteract the 'eww' reaction at school? People eat rare steak and blue cheese, drink peaty whisky, and wear strong scents like tuberose and oud. I find it useful to notice my natural scent changing as it tells me a lot about my cycle. There's a whiff of internalised misogyny around...

10000% this. Stinks worse than a period.

SkySecret · 10/12/2023 23:30

@FreshWinterMorning@NightTimeRain it really doesn’t smell (and nor should it) unless you’re using pads, and they stink because you’re allowing oxygen to get to the blood etc. plus dregs of urine and the smell of the pads themselves.

Switch to a cup and you’ll discover your period doesn’t smell. If it does you probably have BV or something. I’ve had my nose basically next to my blood on several occasions out of curiosity and it does not smell of anything other than very faint iron. Maybe you stink, but not everyone does 🤣

The ones getting hung up on “period aroma” - it’s not a thing! Period sex doesn’t smell. Normal sex has more of a smell than your period. You need to learn more about your bodies ladies.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 10/12/2023 23:31

There is no right or wrong, but back in the day I most certainly did. Even as a young woman, before I'd even had sex, I could never understand what the issue was. It's a bit of revelation to learn things haven't actually changed for many women (and I still don't understand it).

MahShinyShoes · 10/12/2023 23:34

Give it a go OP.
You might find it brings different sensations or whatever.

It makes me heave, unfortunately.
Retching is not a sexy look.

Waitingfordoggo · 10/12/2023 23:34

@ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming What else is there to understand? Read the replies to this thread and the answers are all here as to why a proportion of women don’t want to have sex while on their period! (Pain/mess/not in the mood are the main reasons given). It’s great that some women can and do enjoy sex on their period. For others of us it’s really not what we want. Each to their own.

thishasnotmyweek · 10/12/2023 23:36

I would have sex on my period but I don’t have a heavy flow so there is never that much blood.

Most of my partners have never minded but again maybe that’s because there isn’t very much blood.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 10/12/2023 23:38

Waitingfordoggo · 10/12/2023 23:34

@ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming What else is there to understand? Read the replies to this thread and the answers are all here as to why a proportion of women don’t want to have sex while on their period! (Pain/mess/not in the mood are the main reasons given). It’s great that some women can and do enjoy sex on their period. For others of us it’s really not what we want. Each to their own.

I don't understand the "mess" as I never found it messy, and sex actually helps with period pain. I just can't believe so many women don't seem to have not moved on since their great-grandmothers' day. I imagine most of these arguments are based on a "yuk" factor, and find it sad that so many women still have these thoughts about completely normal bodily functions.