To be so irritated by women who have perfectly healthy pregnancies behaving like ...

[jellystitch]

They're dying of a disease or
They're the first woman in the world to have a baby it they think that their labour, delivery and expectant child is going to be hugely complicated despite having absolutely nothing medical reason to think as such? Perfectly healthy expectant young mums.
Maybe I'm just unlucky to be working with many of these...
It's not anxiety related. It's like an attention seeking thing.

I think the more women talk about how bloody hard and frightening pregnancy can be the better.

Even a normal healthy pregancy in a young woman has such a long standing impact on her health so YABU.

Women need to realise how important this is and know the power and chocie they hold. With the maternity services in the UK, you couldn't pay me to get pregnant here. I value myself too much.

When you say you "work with" several such pregnant women, do you mean they happen to be your colleagues or are they your clients/patients?

Yabvu.

Some complications and ailments aren't visible or they might not have told you about (if you're not a HCP which I hope you aren't).

Just a few, fairly debilitating pregnancy ailments that can still occur in a "low risk" pregnancy, and yes I've had every one on this list:

Pelvic problems- can make it very hard and painful to walk
Recurrent UTIs - pain, incontinence, risk of premature labour
Restless leg syndrome and itchy skin - prevents sleep
Extreme piles - just constant pain, hard to walk, pain on the toilet, blood in your pants
Acid reflux - need I say more
Severe nausea and vomiting

Plus I've had various false alarms like them thinking there might be a heart defect at the 12w scan; a false alarm of amniotic fluid leaking before 30w...

Now I've been told I'm at risk of cord prolapse so it'll be an ambulance if/when I get any cramping, contractions, change in movements or waters leaking.

So please, fuck off. If you're my colleague, I haven't told you any of this. But I'm living in a state of hypervigilance for any of the above symptoms. You have no idea.

I just really hope op is a troll who is a man because it just horrifies me that a woman and a mother could be such a vile misogynist.

That's what concerns me. Supposedly had four children but totally lacks empathy with pregnant women?

If you're a midwife, quit.

just really hope op is a troll who is a man because it just horrifies me that a woman and a mother could be such a vile misogynist

Sadly I know several women irl who have come out with "you're pregnant, not disabled". Needless to say they had straight forward pregnancies which is lucky given that one smoke and drank throughout.

Pregnancy slows you down, so whilst you might see (and be jealous) of them working out and socialising it might a be a lot less than they are used to and they are allowed to be frustrated tired etc.

I worked out up until 38 weeks with my 4th. I have extreme anxiety around delivery and also high risk pregnancies due to the size of baby in relation to me.

I’ve had two planned C-section and it never ceased to amaze me the amount of people who would get all offended at my decision to have a C-section when it has no baring on them. Oh I’d never want a C-section, oh it’s not an easy option you know. Blah, blah blah!

But it's normal to have some level of anxiety during pregnancy. Before modern medicine, women and babies routinely died during pregnancy and childbirth.

I know several women in the last few years who had late miscarriages or stillbirths, despite their pregnancies initially being seemingly uncomplicated.

So yes, your post is silly and thoughtless.

YABU

For example when I experienced quite severe pregnancy sickness I felt patronised by the many people who said "Oh it will most likely pass by 13/16 weeks..." Every healthy person I know would be extremely distressed by being sick 2 or 3 times a day for week after week, having to get off the bus on the way to work to throw up in the street - yes it felt like I was dying (or wished I was).

YABVU. Pregnancy is scary- even if at that last scan everything is fine. I've known many, many women whose pregnancies were non eventful only to have a nightmare at the end needing a sudden emergency c section or other dangerous complications. Its a crap shoot what will happen and I know two women whose pregnancies were fine until they had a stillbirth.

I don't mean to scare monger of course, many pregnancies go smoothly but to say they are wrong for being anxious about it is really nasty and un empathic. I am quite sure you worry about things that others would call "silly" and wouldn't appreciate being slagged off for it.

Gosh, glad I am being looked after by an empathetic, caring and understanding healthcare processional, not you…

My first pregnancy went absoloutly perfectly, I was young at 19/20 and suffered not even an ounce of nausea or anything, only symptom was craving... until suffered explosive Pprom a month early out of the blue, infection and then in the rush to save my DS I suffered a critical obstetric hemorrhage and nearly died.

With my later pregnancies over a decade later (due to infertility and as the result of IVF) I felt so sick I physically felt like I couldn't function and begged for the sickness to end. I also developed SPD and my knees where agony so I could not walk, the SPD lasted 4 YEARS and required physio.

Despite this all my pregnancies where classified 'normal' and 'healthy'. I was high risk category for BIRTH (only AFTER my first pregnancy as the obviously had no idea prior to that) but the pregnancy issues where all classed as within normal symptoms.

I even had a nurse try to correct me that I'm 'not high risk' after checking off standard boxes (age, weight, blood pressure, medication etc...). She was not aware that A) I too am a medical professional (in the field of pregnancy) and B) I indeed had more information than she had garnered in all of those 10 seconds.

Its quite ignorant to think you know someones medical history better than they do and you are more qualified to tell them their 'risk' especially as you are not their specialist.

Imagine thinking the thing that kills 287,000 women per year (many without warning) is something to just 'get over' or not worry about.

Well aren't you a peach?!

Pregnancy is tough regardless very few women sail through it and it causes a myriad of different issues including mental health.

DS1 was a "text book" Pregnancy and apparently the absolute icing of the cake aim of water birth according to some people.....reality I had pgp from 16 weeks so was in constant pain, my pelvis was so out of shape after birth took 6 months to recover and he spent a week in neonatal unit due to an unknown issue with his breathing.

DS2 had a suspected heart condition they couldn't confirm til birth, I had gestational diabetes and long covid but actually for me physically less symptoms then with DS1 and was discharged in 6 hours thankfully no heart condition!

It's not for you to judge how another woman is handling her own pregnancy or concerns.

You have literally no idea of their current circumstances or history.

You're an arsehole.

Women and girls around the world die every day giving birth.

There were 7 women in my NCT group. We were all normal healthy pregnancies, women fairly clued up on the process. Births went tits up for most of us - 3 inductions, 2 emergency C-sections, 2 ventouse and 1 forceps. 2 women got serious infections, 1 needed emergency surgery after starting to haemorrhage.

I don't know what you get out of smacking other women down, some kind of weird thrill?

Let pregnant ladies have their feelings. Great for you if you felt great and never complained but most people feel shit and even the healthiest of people with healthy pregnancies can end up with complications.
Giving birth is a big deal, fed up of women's feelings being invalidated with the 'man up and shut up' brigade.

You sound delightful.

You’re the reason women like myself stay silent. The whole ‘pregnancy isn’t a sickness’ because you had a wonderful pregnancy is why many women keep their symptoms and fears to themselves sometimes at a detriment to their health and their babies.

I had severe HG which led to exhaustion, severe weight loss, then I had carpal tunnel meaning I couldn’t use my hands much due to pain and numbness and to top it off I couldn't work (in a career I love) which led to depression and anxiety as I felt like I’d failed as a woman because my body wasn’t reacting ‘as it should’.

But there was always a woman like you to tell me “women have been having babies since the dawn of time” which wasn’t helpful. Thankfully my Midwife wasn’t as obnoxious as you seem to be. No wonder maternity services are having to be overhauled if this is the attitude by the people meant to support mums.

I think you should get a different job

Perinatal nerves are very common and "working hard, in the gym, running, travelling , socialising regularly who have no physical complaints" doesn't actually prevent them. I can it might be frustrating if it's all someone talks about and it's okay if you'd rather not hear it and should be able to tell them that, but it doesn't mean their attention seeking.

Along with normal hormone fluctuation causing weird thoughts and dreams and media spaces that both glorify and gorify pregnancy and birth, many have family members or friends gleefully telling them the worst and/or are like me and raised being told the horrors and risks of pregnancy and childbirth in communities that still openly discussed women who were disabled or died from pregnancy and child birth (and someone I knew as a teenager died from pregnancy complications, so not just long ago tales). Between all this, it's no wonder there are nerves and worries, even if they seem irrational.

When my kids were tiny, I had a few women around who would dump their fears onto me when they were pregnant because they didn't have anywhere else they felt safe to so, I was told it was because I was one of the very few who wouldn't tell them that 'as long as there is a healthy baby' or similar dismissals. I think pregnant women are often put between a rock and a hard place: don't talk about it all, then they're not grateful enough or don't really love their baby (I got this one), but openly discuss fears and it's attention seeking. It's like even in pregnancy, the most demanding time on our bodies, we still need to perfectly perform or we fail.

Detest those knobs who are unsympathetic unless they have the thing themselves - I’ve had severe motion sickness since I was born and still remember the injustice as a teen of a teacher on a school trip eye rolling as I quietly dealt with myself on a rolling coach and saying “you must have eaten too many sweets” 🙄🙄. I am untroubled by hay fever for example but still feel sorry for the poor sods who get it.

You're getting a bit of a roasting OP but there is definitely a type of person who seems to do a lot of the kind of mithering you describe. In the majority of cases, there is little reltionship between the objective medical facts of theit pregnancy/birth and how they choose to talk about. Some of the people I know who objectively went through the most said the least. And vice versa. But what are you going to do? Some people are drama queens, some are sensible and some are martyrs and could do with speaking up more. I can usually predict how people are

...sorry pressed send too soon. People bring their own personalities into pregnancy and birth and nowadays, it's much more socially acceptable to share details and centre yourself.

Um… OP have you looked at the news recently…?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-67238868.amp