To be so irritated by women who have perfectly healthy pregnancies behaving like ...

[jellystitch]

They're dying of a disease or
They're the first woman in the world to have a baby it they think that their labour, delivery and expectant child is going to be hugely complicated despite having absolutely nothing medical reason to think as such? Perfectly healthy expectant young mums.
Maybe I'm just unlucky to be working with many of these...
It's not anxiety related. It's like an attention seeking thing.

Growing a baby is bloody hard. Physically and emotionally.

I didn't tell all my friends I'd prehospital had a miscarriage and they all "knew me well".

You have no idea how they feel and they may be pretending they're getting support at home which they're not.

Imagine being a bit fragile and having a friend like you discussing them behind their back 😳. You're not very nice are you, op.

I've had three "healthy" pregnancies. I felt so ill with each. It was like having a full blown 'flu for nine months. I didn't feel well until the babies were born.

My first one was textbook with a painful two hour labour, followed by a massive post partum haemorrhage and retained products.

Second one also supposedly normal but I had pregnancy vomiting from before my period was late until the birth. I was emaciated.

Third I had a big chromosome scare followed by another big scare and a horrific back to back labour.

Three normal pregnancies, but my immediate family history included Down's, stillbirth, perinatal death and recurrent late miscarriages. I also had one at 16 weeks. So if I seemed a bit anxious, I'm sorry to have offended those that work with pregnancy.

I forgot to add in maternal death post partum too.

@TeaKitten best pregnant woman ever made me lol. No idea why but really amused me 👏🏻. Some people, eh.

I did not have four healthy pregnancies nor did I have four easy deliveries.
Perhaps my post was poorly worded.
I am
Speaking about the women that I work with who are working hard, in the gym, running, travelling , socialising regularly who have no physical complaints but one of whom who is 26 weeks for example announces that she will be having a cs despite not wanting one ....when asked why , told us that it's just her gut feeling... but her baby is thriving ...
when asked if it would be elective , she was horrified etc etc
Multiply similar to these comments multiple times per day and that's my AIBU.

Don't get it what's the problem..I had 3 easy pregnancies and quick births all at home one of those twins. Didn't bother me in the slightest just lucky and happy it went that way. But I've also seen other family members with lot of pregnancy problems and I feel so bad I can't fix it for them

YABVU - it's not up to you to police what people get anxiety about. Also, a 'perfectly healthy pregnancy' can change at any minute and complications could arise pre, during or post birth. Just zone out if they are talking about it all the time, but please don't be unkind.

You do sound miserable OP.

Mildly annoying when colleagues bang on about pregnancy or any single subject really, but you don't have to listen if it's affecting you this way.

"Maybe I'm just unlucky to be working with many of these... "

You're in the wrong job if you have no empathy and can't keep your negative feelings in check. I'd be bloody horrified if I was one of the people you were working with and you'd posted this online about me.

Pregnancy is hard - even ones with no 'issues'!

@jellystitch I was going to be a young(ish) mum with a low-risk pregnancy. I had no worries or concerns or signs anything was wrong, and yet I found out at 11 weeks that everything had stopped developing at 6 weeks. Despite no pain, no bleeding till 11weeks, nothing out of the ordinary.

So do forgive me if next time I’m a little bit anxious about things. And have some bloody compassion.

Get a grip

YABU

She might be really nervous. Quite natural!

"Maybe I'm just unlucky to be working with many of these..."

There's a common denominator here OP. And it's not the pregnancies.

Anything can happen in pregnancy and postnatally. Women with healthy pregnancies have died days or weeks after giving birth. The first 28 days after birth have been said to be the most dangerous.

I’ve had healthy pregnancies but had issues during labour with my second, needing to be turned (forceps and an episiotomy) and post birth having lost more blood than they thought and needed 5-6 iron transfusions. With my third,issues postnatally due to swelling in my legs and feet where they thought it might be post-eclampsia but I didn’t have any other symptoms nor history in any of my pregnancies, then thought possible DVT but no signs of clots. They upped my fragmin and taking those injections were not fun, the burning sensation for me was quite intense that I needed ice packs to numb the pain. The area between my navel and c-section scar are still numb at 6 weeks.

Yes, some women do complain and rightly so but it is dependent on the time and place where and when it’s appropriate.

If it bothers you so much, why not just ignore them? You’re moaning about their moaning.

Are you certain that these people have disclosed every detail of their pregnancy to you? I had a very complicated pregnancy, but didn't share the details with the world. If anyone asked how my pregnancy was going, I generally said "hellish" or "not very smoothly". I was anxious, with good reason.

You sound like a nasty piece of work tbh op.

Very unkind and judgemental post. How do you know they are not struggling with MH?
On the surface I was one of those “ lucky woman” but I hated every minute of my pregnancy. And no, not through choice

I think if there are many pregnant women like this just at your workplace alone, it might be worth considering the possibility that anxiety about pregnancy and labour and fear of complications might be normal, and your venomous disdain for these women when they open up to you might be the issue. Just a thought.

Same here! And I don’t think that’s so unreasonable. Pregnancy is uncomfortable and childbirth is a terrifying thought when you’ve never gone through it.

But if they are disproportionately worried about complications, and believe they are at specific risk, different to other women, in what way is that not an anxiety issue. Regardless of whether they think it is, (they clearly think they're being rational) they are clearly anxious beyond what is reasonable.

Probably not the perfect analogy, but let’s talk about blood tests/cannulation. I am in hospital a lot and often very dehydrated so it’s super hard to get a needle into me. I have had up to 80 minutes of trying to insert an arterial line into me and kept chatting and joking with the doctor and was described as a model patient exactly two days ago. Do I judge others who make a fuss about it? No, it’s scary for some people and sometimes really painful. I don’t even judge them in my head if I hear the fuss and don’t get told about it. Maybe this is the real point - pregnancy and labour are a HUGE deal. Much bigger than a tiny needle. Even if they’re not complaining, particularly FTMs are going to consider this probably the defining event in their life and want to talk about it. Also as with all health issues there will be people who worry irrationally but justifiably, particularly when there’s another little person involved.

I hate it when people say ‘you’re not the first woman to have a baby’. It doesn’t matter one fucking iota if billions of women have had babies before you, you haven’t done it, you are going in to the unknown.

Even if you have a healthy pregnancy there’s still umpteen things to worry about. Things go wrong all the time. There’s loads to be anxious over. Look at the Lucy Letby case, people would have thought you were mental if one of the things you were worried about was a nurse harming babies.

I was in an NCT group with 7 other women, every single one had healthy pregnancy, but everyone also had quite problematic births.

Back off, you sound jealous that their healthy and irritated that they’re anxious.

I read somewhere that a pregnant is the same as climbing Mount Everest. Your organs squash, you have effectively a parasite living in you (sorry) taking calcium etc, you worry about the birth, everyone has an opinion - stop worrying, your aren’t sleeping enough, you are sleeping too much, are you breast feeding or bottle, are you taking paracetamol? Are you getting enough exercise? You need to relax more? Have you thought about sex after birth and making sure your husband isn’t left out? Are you drinking too much tea? Or too much? Bit stressed ? Your hormones are to blame? And so on - my first pregnancy I had miscarriages before? It was relatively ok? But I had eclampsia and then my heart stopped in delivery. My friend sailed through and gave birth to a healthy baby - quick and easy - her husband went to get a bag from the car and was 15 minutes and got back to a baby in the crib in the room and no sign of his wife Just lots of blood she was in theatre having emergency surgery and nearly died. Women die every day giving birth sometimes they can be saved by a good team sometimes they aren’t - and that’s a good team not understaffed. Then you have the Lucy Letby case - give women a chance and don’t judge. I had 5 m:c before my DC1. You don’t judge until you have walked in someone’s shoes. You don’t know their journey.

Aren’t we all a bit self absorbed during pregnancy (especially first) it’s incredible what are bodies are doing/changes and then when we have the baby it’s even more amazing k no Oenone could have possibly experienced that we are going through

either smile and nod or avoid (goes for new parents too)

Just what women needs, to be taken down a notch when complaining about the mental and physical strain when producing another human being. Being pregnant is a hug thing in every aspect. It's something that has killed many, many women and disabled lots of others. Please let them voice their concerns, even if outwardly it all seems to be going well.