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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH at woman's house after Xmas night out

384 replies

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 02:24

My DH was on his Xmas night out tonight. Started quite early and he said he'd be home about 11pm - did and does not matter to met at all that he decided to extend it to a big night.

I text at 1.50am to check all was okay, and he asked me to call him asap.

As I understand it, one of the women got so incredibly drunk that she was very ill and unsafe. Spewing and falling over as she made her way into a taxi. My DH has gone home with her to check she was okay

She's now passed out on her floor, having been sick everywhere. He says he's covered in her sick. He doesn't want to leave her because she lives alone and he's not sure that she's safe.

He thinks he should stay until morning,or until she wakes up at least.

What would your DH do in that situation?

OP posts:
CocoPlum · 10/12/2023 10:07

Mine did this for someone he worked with.

They live together now.

I would be really, really unhappy if my current partner did this, because I now have trust issues.

Imagwine · 10/12/2023 10:08

If she’s not that used to drinking, keeping up with the others would get her into that state. She wouldn’t need to have been spiked.

You have a nice dh, op.

Bromptotoo · 10/12/2023 10:08

I'm male and aged 64.

I'm assuming that there were no female colleagues present by the time this woman's drunkenness became severe. Some people can flip from being pretty drunk but talking rationally and being able to walk to insensible PDQ.

Going outside can be a trigger for vomiting etc.

In the OP's husband's circumstances I'd have done what he did and made sure she was home and safe. If there was nobody else and in particular no female to look after her at home and she was as insensible as described I'd get her home and in the recovery position.

That said if she was as bad as described I think 111 or even 999 might have been options I'd have taken.

Risk of unwarranted accusations of 'trying it on' sexually are present but if it's somebody I'd worked with over an extended period than I'd regard the risk as acceptable.

Beetlejuice43 · 10/12/2023 10:09

Ambulance won’t come 😂

inamarina · 10/12/2023 10:12

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 10/12/2023 09:59

Lol at all of the PP suggesting “phone an ambulance” people who’ve had strokes or have fallen and broken bones are waiting hours for a paramedic… I hardly think a pissed woman would be a priority.

also “contact someone in her phone” at 3am?? How many of the contacts in your phone Would you a) answer to at 3 am or b) go out to at 3am? (((Assuming you even lived close by)))

Fairytale land

OP you and your husband did the right thing.

Fully agree. “He should ask the neighbours to look after her”, “He should ring a female colleague” - in the middle of the night? Really?

MiddleParking · 10/12/2023 10:13

I actually find it quite mad how naive so many people seem to be about alcohol and its effects. The same amount of alcohol could make me enjoyably tipsy one day and completely sick another. It depends on a huge number of factors - your size, age, weight, mood, menstrual cycle, general health, what you’ve eaten, what you ate and drank in the preceding days, whether you’ve exercised, the type and strength of alcohol you consume, where you drink it, what you mix it with, how fast you drink it, what you do when you’ve drunk it. Getting drunker than you expect/plan to at your work’s Christmas do is unbelievably easy to do and extremely unlikely to be because someone’s actively chosen to spike your drink with no discernible motivation.

PropertyManager · 10/12/2023 10:14

Bromptotoo · 10/12/2023 10:08

I'm male and aged 64.

I'm assuming that there were no female colleagues present by the time this woman's drunkenness became severe. Some people can flip from being pretty drunk but talking rationally and being able to walk to insensible PDQ.

Going outside can be a trigger for vomiting etc.

In the OP's husband's circumstances I'd have done what he did and made sure she was home and safe. If there was nobody else and in particular no female to look after her at home and she was as insensible as described I'd get her home and in the recovery position.

That said if she was as bad as described I think 111 or even 999 might have been options I'd have taken.

Risk of unwarranted accusations of 'trying it on' sexually are present but if it's somebody I'd worked with over an extended period than I'd regard the risk as acceptable.

Another man here seconding this

Whilst it's the chivalrous and decent thing to do to make sure she got home safe, I would have called an ambulance.

I feel sorry for your husband sitting there covered in vomit, arrgh!!!

OdeToBarney · 10/12/2023 10:17

Well done to you and your DH OP. I think he was leaving himself vulnerable to accusations, but I couldn't have left her either. On balance, help wasn't going to come from anywhere else and she was in a risky situation healthwise. Alls well that ends well.

PropertyManager · 10/12/2023 10:17

Beetlejuice43 · 10/12/2023 10:09

Ambulance won’t come 😂

You are right, it won't, but there will be a recording of the OPs husband calling for help and explaining the situation - which if an accusation were to be made, or god forbid the woman chokes on her own vomit and croaks, that OPs DH did the right thing.

I'm guessing by now shes up and on the coffee though!

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 10:17

PropertyManager · 10/12/2023 10:14

Another man here seconding this

Whilst it's the chivalrous and decent thing to do to make sure she got home safe, I would have called an ambulance.

I feel sorry for your husband sitting there covered in vomit, arrgh!!!

Show quote history

Out of interest, what would you have done if the ambulance service said it’d be a 2-3 hour wait?

PropertyManager · 10/12/2023 10:18

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 10:17

Out of interest, what would you have done if the ambulance service said it’d be a 2-3 hour wait?

Show quote history

Stayed with her of course, I don't think you are likely to get said ambulance, but there would be a voice recording of you explaining what had happened and that you intended to stay until the ambulance could get there.

Dita73 · 10/12/2023 10:19

If you completely trust him,why did you post in the first place?

StressedOutSemolina · 10/12/2023 10:21

If I was married and he was a good man I'd tell him to stay with her.

If I was her I'd be grateful, cook him breakfast and apologise to his wife.

Doesn't need to be a drama. She got wankered. We've all been there.

Behindyouiam · 10/12/2023 10:22

Dita73 · 10/12/2023 10:19

If you completely trust him,why did you post in the first place?

Because the woman might be a complete nightmare and accuse him of assault?

StressedOutSemolina · 10/12/2023 10:22

She doesn't need an ambulance for fucks sake 🙄 she's smashed. Bed, paracetamol and a full fat coke and bacon sandwich in the morning

user1471556818 · 10/12/2023 10:25

Actually well done your husband and you .People die in this state for the people saying you should have left her .
I hope you both get big thanks from the team and from her
I think decent folks can end up being really put off being decent then we all complain about lack of social kindness , decency.

Canisaysomething · 10/12/2023 10:26

I would have asked my DH to stay to check she was ok. If she choked on her own vomit and died, he would be in a far far worse position.

Cas112 · 10/12/2023 10:26

@Bobtheamazinggingerdog yes they doConfused

Harryzmum · 10/12/2023 10:29

What a read- with an ending too.

Thanks op- you sound lovely, I'd be going mad if my dh was covered in someone's vomit!!

theDudesmummy · 10/12/2023 10:29

You are both nice people. My DH would have done exactly the same, thank goodness.

Canisaysomething · 10/12/2023 10:29

Actually I know a work colleague’s wife who died in this situation, she was left alone after her work night night out after getting very drunk. She was mid 60s so not young and stupid. I bet her family and friends wish someone had stayed with her.

10HailMarys · 10/12/2023 10:32

You and your DH both sound absolutely lovely!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/12/2023 10:32

Just as a fyi to people, it’s not freezing cold where I am but I read a story in one of the London newspapers a few years back about a woman had come back in cold and ice (maybe drunk maybe not but it was Christmas season time) had a basement flat, tripped/slipped and fell down steps to the basement front door and broke her neck.

I might seem as if I’m dramatising but you need to be careful drunk or not and if it’s cold/icy.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/12/2023 10:33

Canisaysomething · 10/12/2023 10:29

Actually I know a work colleague’s wife who died in this situation, she was left alone after her work night night out after getting very drunk. She was mid 60s so not young and stupid. I bet her family and friends wish someone had stayed with her.

Oh god, that’s awful. Poor woman.

bonzaitree · 10/12/2023 10:33

Poor woman! Your DH did exactly the right thing IMO! Deserving of a McBreakfast that’s for sure!