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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH at woman's house after Xmas night out

384 replies

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 02:24

My DH was on his Xmas night out tonight. Started quite early and he said he'd be home about 11pm - did and does not matter to met at all that he decided to extend it to a big night.

I text at 1.50am to check all was okay, and he asked me to call him asap.

As I understand it, one of the women got so incredibly drunk that she was very ill and unsafe. Spewing and falling over as she made her way into a taxi. My DH has gone home with her to check she was okay

She's now passed out on her floor, having been sick everywhere. He says he's covered in her sick. He doesn't want to leave her because she lives alone and he's not sure that she's safe.

He thinks he should stay until morning,or until she wakes up at least.

What would your DH do in that situation?

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 10/12/2023 11:23

True no one would at an eye lid at the female helping.

But what if you are the female in that couple in the car and the drunk women did claim she was raped.

You'd feel awful that you basically left her to that fate.

(In the same way you wound if she choked)

Of course it's not that womens fault if anything had occurred. It's the man who did it.

theDudesmummy · 10/12/2023 11:24

Tryingmybestadhd · 10/12/2023 10:39

I would go and meet him ! Play his lie !

What?

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 11:27

@burnoutbabe I agree the other people in the car should also have helped. But thank god someone was decent enough to recognise the drunk woman wasn’t safe to be left alone. He did the right thing in difficult circumstances, and so did OP.

Theyvegotatrex · 10/12/2023 11:29

I was her once. But at hotel on works company Christmas do. My lovely then boss looked after me, saw me at my very worst. He saw me to my hotel room where I threw up everywhere. Once I stopped being sick he then asked one of the female managers to look after me. He was a good man. There was nothing untoward. I utterly mortified (young and didn’t know my limits). Not all men are predators, or looking to take advantage.

QueSyrahSyrah · 10/12/2023 11:30

Going against the general grain but well done to your DH and to you OP for doing the right thing to make sure someone in need was ok.

I know plenty of people (myself included) who have been hit too hard by a moderate amount of alcohol at one time or another, it's not always a deliberate binge.

Shame on those who'd have taken the 'I'm alright Jack' attitude and left her helpless on the floor, or worse, at the taxi rank. The same people I'm sure would be outraged if their daughter or partner or sister had been left in the same situation by colleagues. There but for the grace of god...

burnoutbabe · 10/12/2023 11:32

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 11:27

@burnoutbabe I agree the other people in the car should also have helped. But thank god someone was decent enough to recognise the drunk woman wasn’t safe to be left alone. He did the right thing in difficult circumstances, and so did OP.

Oh yes he did do the right thing but Shame on that couple who abandoned her or didn't consider any risk from what they did.

AndromacheAstyanax · 10/12/2023 11:35

OP, I think your husband has been a real gentleman and you too have been a star. It reminds me a little - minus the copious vomit and quite a lot of other details - of the film Roman Holiday.

banananas1978 · 10/12/2023 11:48

Your husband is crazy stupid, all she has to do is have a dream about having se ks and before he knows he will be acused of r **e. What an idiot, make should never evvvver be
left alone with a drunk woman. Should not have got involved,if she was that drunk and had no friends the bar would have called police and she would have been either escorted home or cell to sleep it off.

what a tool seriously,that woman will unlikely be thankful for him to be around when she is out of it,she will be thinking what if…

good luck to him if he is lucky she wont accuse him in anything, it is not really normal for a man to take a drunken woman home unless there is something more to it

Nomagicflute · 10/12/2023 11:50

He sounds kind and responsible. I don't understand why others left her. I hope she doesn't get it wrong and accuse him of anything though.

inamarina · 10/12/2023 11:50

fuckssaaaaake · 10/12/2023 10:35

Wow some responses! I would be so grateful if someone stayed with my daughter/sister/friend if no one else was around! He sounds lovely

Agree. Someone said OP’s husband should have left, the woman is not his responsibility.
Well, technically hardly anyone is anyone’s responsibility.
Why donate to charities and food banks then, why try to help anyone who’s not your immediate family? Glad OP and her husband decided to help.

MsCactus · 10/12/2023 11:52

JustMoved123 · 10/12/2023 03:33

Another vote that he’s making himself vulnerable, my friends son did this for a girl in uni, phoned her parents and then the father had a go at him for being in her room when she was vulnerable..

Yeah, I would be very uncomfortable to wake up in that state and find a male colleague has stayed with me.

Obviously the right thing to do is to make sure she gets home, put her in the recovery position so she can't choke on her sick, and then leave.

Massively overstepping boundaries if he doesn't do that.

theDudesmummy · 10/12/2023 11:52

@banananas1978 you are entirely wrong. My DH would also have done this 100%. There would not have been "something more to it".

Original poster
YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 11:53

banananas1978 · 10/12/2023 11:48

Your husband is crazy stupid, all she has to do is have a dream about having se ks and before he knows he will be acused of r **e. What an idiot, make should never evvvver be
left alone with a drunk woman. Should not have got involved,if she was that drunk and had no friends the bar would have called police and she would have been either escorted home or cell to sleep it off.

what a tool seriously,that woman will unlikely be thankful for him to be around when she is out of it,she will be thinking what if…

good luck to him if he is lucky she wont accuse him in anything, it is not really normal for a man to take a drunken woman home unless there is something more to it

This is a really sad, depressing view of the world.

He didn't think about the optics of it. He saw someone he knows and likes and was vulnerable, and he helped out in the way he thought was right.

The girl is embarrassed but grateful.

What a dreadful state where we'd all abandon a vulnerable, sick, helpless women on a cold night in the streets for fear that someone might think we have ill-intentions.

OP posts:
theDudesmummy · 10/12/2023 11:53

@MsCactus if you read the thread you will see that is exactly what he did.

Cherrysoup · 10/12/2023 11:54

Sharpness19 · 10/12/2023 08:08

Ambulances are not for shit like this!

Show quote history

Plus won’t normally come out for drunks. My DH and I found someone crawling along the street unable to stand, he called an ambo who refused to come because she was just extremely drunk.

theDudesmummy · 10/12/2023 11:55

Calling someone a "tool" for being kind and having concern for a fellow human being in a pickle is a really depressing development on this thread, I must say.

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2023 11:56

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 09:52

Yeah I got it wrong initially. I thought they got a taxi, it was only when I picked him up that I learned about the lif and the new car.

He's text her, no reply. Probably still sleeping it off. If he doesn't hear soon he's going to see if anyone else has heard - she might be too embarrassed to text, but it would be good to know she's alright.

Show quote history

Any chance her drinks were spiked? (Not by colleagues)

inamarina · 10/12/2023 11:56

MsCactus · 10/12/2023 11:52

Yeah, I would be very uncomfortable to wake up in that state and find a male colleague has stayed with me.

Obviously the right thing to do is to make sure she gets home, put her in the recovery position so she can't choke on her sick, and then leave.

Massively overstepping boundaries if he doesn't do that.

Show quote history

Massively overstepping boundaries?
He could have put her in the recovery position, yet she could have rolled onto her back after he’d left and still chocked on her vomit.

Original poster
YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 11:57

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2023 11:56

Any chance her drinks were spiked? (Not by colleagues)

Show quote history

He did mention this when she called this morning. He has no idea but it might put on her radar to be really careful around her drinks.

OP posts:
Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 11:57

@banananas1978 I can’t even imagine having that mindset, how depressing.

MsCactus · 10/12/2023 11:57

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 11:53

This is a really sad, depressing view of the world.

He didn't think about the optics of it. He saw someone he knows and likes and was vulnerable, and he helped out in the way he thought was right.

The girl is embarrassed but grateful.

What a dreadful state where we'd all abandon a vulnerable, sick, helpless women on a cold night in the streets for fear that someone might think we have ill-intentions.

Show quote history

I don't think most people would abandon a "vulnerable, sick, helpless woman on a cold night on the streets". But most would help them get back, leave them safe in their home and wouldn't dream of staying longer - putting her in the recovery position would keep her safe from choking on her sick.

I'd be very uncomfortable with a man coming back home and staying with me in that state, when I hadn't consented to it

Theyvegotatrex · 10/12/2023 11:57

Utterly crazy to think that she will accuse him of attacking her! What world do people live in? Is this your actual reality, or do you need to stop reading the Mail…

Last night was my nephew’s work do. All tradies. Poor apprentice was found on the toilet floor by work mate. They all helped him out. Boss made sure he was seen home safely - poor kids first Christmas do (my nephew doesn’t go any more) In my experience, the chance of hurting yourself while drunk is a much more likely outcome than being attacked. And I do feel that if you are on a work do, those in senior positions have a duty of care to make sure everyone is safe. Which is why we only do lunch time/afternoon events and taxi/drive everyone home. It’s a huge responsibility.

diddl · 10/12/2023 11:59

I'm not sure why the other couple are getting so much flak-they gave a lift & got sick in their car for their trouble!

banananas1978 · 10/12/2023 11:59

I did not say abandon,i said call the police who would have made sure she is safe either at home or if she is that out of it in a cell where someone has an eye on her.

Ill intentions happen,regularly, and exactly in that scenario where woman is too drunk to fight or know whats going on, there is no 100pcnt knowing that there were no assaults committed when someone is passed out- what if a guy peeps inside a bra ,touches a breast or a thigh inappropriately,etc something the woman wont remember there will be no dna traces and she will never know.

I have never put myself in that situation but if i was foolish even then I personally would not be thankful for a mere aquitance in that situation to be in my home when im passed out,i would rather wake up in a cell and know 100% nothing happened beside making myself look like an idiot.

BakedTattie · 10/12/2023 12:00

As someone who at 19 went out for work drinks on an empty stomach and tried to keep up with the work mates drinking, resulting in a state like this girl described - thank god for decent folk like your husband still existing.

I was so so drunk and out of control. My work mate (older 30’s male) took me home, got
me sorted and then miraculously forgot about it all when I was embarrassed the next day.
He was an angel and someone who I hope
got good karma in life.

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