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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband didn’t get the train.

168 replies

Overcome2023 · 09/12/2023 23:59

After much deliberation DH decided he would go out tonight with people he does a hobby with.

I dropped him off and he was catching the last train home. I stayed at home
with our two children and another from
his previous marriage.

An hour had passed since he should have been home. I rang and rang until eventually he picked up, he has missed the train and wants to know whether he should get a taxi or stay over with friends. Am I unreasonable to think this is disrespectful and totally selfish?

I’m on a really short fuse after a difficult year. I was also previously engaged to a binge drinker and him going missing was what caused our relationship to end so I might be I’m overreacting but I just think this is totally out of order, am I right?

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 10/12/2023 00:00

It depends why he missed the train imo. Pissing it up with his mates and didn't want to leave? Yanbu

Traffic or other stuff beyond his control? Yabu.

WhateverMate · 10/12/2023 00:01

You forgot to say why/how he missed the train?

Redglitter · 10/12/2023 00:02

If its a one off I wouldn't be bothered & I certainly would say its disrespectful He wouldn't be the first to accidentally miss a train. If its something he does regularly as an excuse to stay out all night that's different

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 10/12/2023 00:02

I think saying he would catch the last train home was always going to be a bit risky if he was going out drinking. There was always a chance he was going to miss it. I suppose it depends on the reason why he didn't actually get on it?

Original poster
Overcome2023 · 10/12/2023 00:02

Pissing it up with his mates and too drunk to care. We’ve been married for nearly 10 years and he’s never done this to be fair because he knows how I feel about it, I don’t think he’s bothered anymore.

OP posts:
ANightingale · 10/12/2023 00:02

Does he often do this kind of thing? As a one-off, getting a bit carried away and not wanting the night to end when having a good time is forgivable. If it's a pattern of behaviour, then, no.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2023 00:03

Leave the bullshit from your previous relationship out of this. It's totally unfair to compare your husband to someone else.

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 10/12/2023 00:03

I would let it slide if it's a one-off.

Ghentsummer · 10/12/2023 00:04

Why did he miss the train? There are so many issues with trains at the moment not running that it can be easy for people to miss them. If its just because he was having fun and didn't want to leave then yes that is very selfish of him - more because it means you will be looking after the kids (Inc his own) tomorrow.

Whatever has happened it's not fair to hold your ex's behaviour over your current partner.

LadyWithLapdog · 10/12/2023 00:05

Trains have been atrocious in London this week. Maybe he relied on an old timetable. I think it’s a bit OTT to be on a short fuse because of this.

Original poster
Overcome2023 · 10/12/2023 00:05

I wish he’d just arranged a hotel like lots of the others but because he’s faffed about for so long, it was too late to organise anything.

OP posts:
IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 10/12/2023 00:05

Does he go out often? If not, I would be a bit annoyed he wasn't coming home but wouldn't go mad.

Original poster
Overcome2023 · 10/12/2023 00:06

No, he spends a lot of time out/away doing his hobby but not going out drinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Overcome2023 · 10/12/2023 00:08

I hate binge drinking and @Aquamarine1029 is right I should leave the bullshit from my previous relationship out of it, I just hate this feeling of not knowing, it makes me so anxious.

OP posts:
bossybloss · 10/12/2023 00:09

Aww.. try and get some sleep. I would just be pleased that he has somewhere to stay.I hope that you have a good relationship and trust him.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 10/12/2023 00:10

I wouldn't be too bothered op.

Original poster
Overcome2023 · 10/12/2023 00:11

Maybe that is part of if @bossybloss I'm not sure I do trust him. I don’t think I really trust anybody.

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 10/12/2023 00:11

It’s an awful way to behave but I’d tell him to get a taxi home to end any fun and make him responsible for kids breakfasts.

Original poster
Overcome2023 · 10/12/2023 00:13

@ACynicalDad I feel like I’m being really uptight, it’s just always been the deal that we didn't do this to each other.

OP posts:
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 10/12/2023 00:15

He doesn't do this op. You said yourself he hasn't done it before.

Getting pissed with your friends and missing the train once in ten years is hardly an awful way to behave. It's just one of those things.

Pokinganose · 10/12/2023 00:16

Everyone makes the odd mistake. Maybe let this one go . If he does it again then that's different. Its not like he's just not contacted you at all.mits easy to just have one drink too many because you're enjoying yourself and then lose track of time and miss a train.

Kinneddar · 10/12/2023 00:18

It's the first time he's done it in TEN YEARS?? Cut him a bit of slack. Sounds like it's been a total accident. YABVU but I think realistically you know that

WhateverMate · 10/12/2023 00:18

Overcome2023 · 10/12/2023 00:02

Pissing it up with his mates and too drunk to care. We’ve been married for nearly 10 years and he’s never done this to be fair because he knows how I feel about it, I don’t think he’s bothered anymore.

In that case I wouldn't worry about it.

We're all allowed to let our hair down and enjoy ourselves no matter what our partners may or may not feel about it.

He missed the last train which is a bit of a pain but lesson learned I guess.

Malarandras · 10/12/2023 00:18

For what it’s worth OP I do not think you are being uptight. This is a grown man with a wife and three children, not a daft lad painting the town red with his mates. A proper adult ought to be able to choose getting the train home over getting drunk in the pub. He’s been hugely irresponsible and if he were my husband he’d know exactly how I felt about it when he got back. This is unacceptable, period. It’s really sad how low many people’s standards are going by the other replies.

ilovesooty · 10/12/2023 00:18

He hasn't done it before. It doesn't seem all that likely that he'll do it again.

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