Page 6 | AIBU to absolutely hate people being in my house

PullUpTheDrawbridge · 2023-12-09T23:45:47+00:00

I mean I totally hate it. Any form of guest (except family) has me muttering expletives under my breath or in my head within 20 mins. I just want them OUT!

PTSDBarbiegirl · 10/12/2023 17:42

ALittleTeawithmilk · 10/12/2023 04:52

Sometimes it has to do with what stage you are at in life. When my children were growing up and well into their 20s and still living at home. I had open house for their friends and for my own family. We often had my children’s friends staying over. Nearly every night I was feeding an extra person at dinner. All my younger siblings have lived with me at one point or another when they were younger and between homes. My mother in law lived with us twice for well over 6 months at a time. It was a full busy life.

But I’m over it now. My kids and grandkids still drop in regularly whenever they want, but I don’t want anyone else here. I’m often in my pjs or tracksuit all day, and only get out of them in the afternoon to have a shower and change into a clean pair. I like to go out and socialise on occasion, but my house is now my refuge where I work, read, listen to music, etc..

I agree with stage of life. In my 20s, 30s and very early 40s I had open house, people here every weekend, lots of overnight guests all through the year, kids friends always came here. I got to mid 40s, some huge traumatic events and now years later I don't want people popping in, I hate the phone ringing, door going etc. One extreme to another, Just noticed it was always me doing it. At the time I thought I enjoyed it but then felt trampled on. I don't miss any of these people and see none of them now. I do miss the camaraderie and my DC not being at home. That I hate also! Just DP, pets and I. It's so comforting, tidy, easy, self indulgent that how could I not love it. Think I just got to the stage that losing 2 pivotal people in my life and knowing it wouldn't be them at the door so just stopped wanting to have anyone else round. Covid finished it off for me, paranoia about bringing in 'germs' that I can't shake off still. Maybe I need to rethink it all a little, writing that down makes me wondrr if I've gone too extreme.

TabsKane · 10/12/2023 17:43

Bahhhhahaaa! My dog too!

Lioney · 10/12/2023 18:06

I hate anyone being in my house, even my adult dc.
They do come round but only once every few months.

I never invite anyone else round. I have never had friends round for coffee.
I never answer the door if I'm not expecting someone.

leachesleachesleachesleachesleaches · 10/12/2023 18:16

Lioney · 10/12/2023 18:06

I hate anyone being in my house, even my adult dc.
They do come round but only once every few months.

I never invite anyone else round. I have never had friends round for coffee.
I never answer the door if I'm not expecting someone.

Why do you not like having your dc around?

Silverfoxlady · 10/12/2023 18:16

Same, even family.

My house is always messy and it is too stressful for anyone to come over. I know it is not healthy, especially when I don’t offer play-dates for my children, but the stress of cleaning and tidying for hours and then the awkward period of someone in the house. I am an introvert and talking to adults can be daunting.

My Dad is similar, sometimes I wonder if it is genetics at play. He lives in the countryside and happily spends his time walking and not talking to anyone.

CornishGem1975 · 10/12/2023 18:18

I am with you OP. I don't want people in my house, I don't want to entertain.

theleafandnotthetree · 10/12/2023 19:42

Lioney · 10/12/2023 18:06

I hate anyone being in my house, even my adult dc.
They do come round but only once every few months.

I never invite anyone else round. I have never had friends round for coffee.
I never answer the door if I'm not expecting someone.

I find that very sad. How do your children feel about it? (Assuming they are aware of course).

And I am saying this as someone who fully intends to crack on with living a very independent life once my children are reared and gone.

Caswallonthefox · 10/12/2023 20:03

The only family I have are my 2 sons. They come and go.
I only ever answer my door when I'm expecting something/someone, this is to do with having crap mental health and my home is my safe space.
I rarely answer my phone unless it's a text. Most people know this because they are warned.
I hate peopling and have been known to lose the plot mentally when too many people are around.
I go out once a fortnight, when I get paid. I do click and collect for my food shop. If I need any thing else I shop at a later time when there are less people.
I've never really been a social person, from childhood I would disappear as soon as I could and read a book, even when family came to visit.
Sometimes I wonder how anyone can cope with all and sundry trogging through their house and all that noise.

leachesleachesleachesleachesleaches · 10/12/2023 21:46

Caswallonthefox · 10/12/2023 20:03

The only family I have are my 2 sons. They come and go.
I only ever answer my door when I'm expecting something/someone, this is to do with having crap mental health and my home is my safe space.
I rarely answer my phone unless it's a text. Most people know this because they are warned.
I hate peopling and have been known to lose the plot mentally when too many people are around.
I go out once a fortnight, when I get paid. I do click and collect for my food shop. If I need any thing else I shop at a later time when there are less people.
I've never really been a social person, from childhood I would disappear as soon as I could and read a book, even when family came to visit.
Sometimes I wonder how anyone can cope with all and sundry trogging through their house and all that noise.

I know it’s almost a catchphrase on here, but are you/could you be autistic?

wingsandstrings · 10/12/2023 23:09

I understand people not wanting people in their house. What I don't understand is all the people on this thread who claim to hate people and say that they would much rather be left to their own devices . . . . who then seek out strangers on the Internet to have discussions with. If you hate people why spend time on a chat forum where the whole idea is to chat with other people?

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/12/2023 23:15

MN is the Monty Python's 4 Yorkshiremen for the 21st century, in this thread My hatred of visitors is greater than your's!

I agree. It's become the home of competitive misanthropy where people always have to go one higher in the stakes of people hating and avoidance of normal social interactions. See also the "it's too peoply out there" threads.

Excluding neurodiversity, this I think this is odd and unhealthy. But the sheer number of people agreeing with you tells me that I'm in a minority.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 10/12/2023 23:16

@wingsandstrings I don’t recall/ think anyone has said they hate people full stop?! There is a huge difference in not wanting people visiting in your own home and actually hating people. Just as there is a huge difference between not wanting physical people in you home and being happy to converse with virtual randoms on the internet.

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/12/2023 23:18

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 10/12/2023 23:16

@wingsandstrings I don’t recall/ think anyone has said they hate people full stop?! There is a huge difference in not wanting people visiting in your own home and actually hating people. Just as there is a huge difference between not wanting physical people in you home and being happy to converse with virtual randoms on the internet.

Edited

That is true. But there are also a large number of people on MN who not only hate people but try to turn it into a kind of competitive sport. While simultaneously seeking to engage with people online and failing to see the irony.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 10/12/2023 23:25

@Thepeopleversuswork i don’t see anyone making it a competition either in this thread? Other than posters who are seemingly quite extrovert and taking the mickey out those of us who are more introverted / want peace and quiet at home / maybe ND / have practical concerns for their own safety at home / personal to them trauma etc.
Are those of that are not extrovert behind closed front doors not allowed to use the internet for communication and connection? Have I missed a www memo?!
Do I need to cancel my data allowance and hand myself into the police station for committing a crime?!!!

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 10/12/2023 23:33

I have a great social life and good friendship group but it’s OUTSIDE my house. My DD has friends on street who regularly come over but it’s on the Unspoken understanding the kids come to play and the grown ups have a break!

I have ADHD and anxiety but don’t think it’s anything to do with that. My home is mine and my family’s safe place. My DD also has ADHD and we’re just the type of people who like to spend weekend afternoons after being out and about doing puzzles, stickers etc and hanging out in front of Michael Macintyre’s Big Night. We all work hard and have hobbies. We all need time and space to balance - don’t want open ended guests. We don’t mind social activities outside the house where you can leave when you want or there’s a natural time limit.

My friend recently went through the bizarre experience of one of our mutual friends spending every weekend at her house, regularly overnight, grown women in their forties with kids. That open endedness would do my nut in! It did my friend’s husband’s nut in when she invited them to meet her family in another country!! (If we’re judged for not wanting guests then I’m judging that!!)

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 10/12/2023 23:38

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 10/12/2023 23:25

@Thepeopleversuswork i don’t see anyone making it a competition either in this thread? Other than posters who are seemingly quite extrovert and taking the mickey out those of us who are more introverted / want peace and quiet at home / maybe ND / have practical concerns for their own safety at home / personal to them trauma etc.
Are those of that are not extrovert behind closed front doors not allowed to use the internet for communication and connection? Have I missed a www memo?!
Do I need to cancel my data allowance and hand myself into the police station for committing a crime?!!!

Don’t bother. Introverts are kind, empathetic and understanding. Extroverts can’t get their head out their arse and understand that not everyone gets their energy from people and being social, and like to lord it over in passive aggressive dickedness “it’s SO weird you don’t like people”. No, extroverts, you're weird!!!

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 10/12/2023 23:47

lemmein · 10/12/2023 08:05

*Actually, it is REALLY weird. I'm in my 60s and have never met anyone who hates people coming to their house.

However, I don't live in the UK - maybe we are just more sociable here.*

@ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming how would you know though? The antisocial amongst us tend to not tell visitors we'd rather they didn't bother. I hate people coming to my house, however, when they do I'm a good host - I'll make sure they have plenty of refreshments and chat away giving them my undivided attention.

I still don't like it though.

Nobody IRL knows this about me because it would be rude AF to share that I don't like visitors to people who visit

As I said, I don't live in the UK. I find people here really are quite different to people on MN at least. People here still actually drop in on others - they don't need to make an appointment as seems so common in MNland, where people don't even bother to answer the door!!

Bloop1986 · 11/12/2023 00:30

Are you me?!? Yes! Hate it

Caswallonthefox · 11/12/2023 01:04

leachesleachesleachesleachesleaches · 10/12/2023 21:46

I know it’s almost a catchphrase on here, but are you/could you be autistic?

Show quote history

My youngest keeps telling me I am. I have done online tests and they say I could be, but I don't know how to go about getting an official diagnosis and going to the doctors is a huge issue too,

RubyWinehouse · 11/12/2023 01:15

I don't like it either

LauderSyme · 11/12/2023 01:17

When I am dealing with particularly bad anxiety I hate anyone coming into my home, so I avoid it happening as much as possible. If I can't avoid it I spend every second wanting them gone. When I am not so unwell I can tolerate it, but I never actually enjoy having visitors.

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/12/2023 08:08

@LiarLiarKnickersAblaze

Don’t bother. Introverts are kind, empathetic and understanding. Extroverts can’t get their head out their arse and understand that not everyone gets their energy from people and being social, and like to lord it over in passive aggressive dickedness “it’s SO weird you don’t like people”. No, extroverts, you're weird!!!

Wow, sounds like you have a really nuanced and sophisticated understanding of social psychology.

theleafandnotthetree · 11/12/2023 08:23

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 10/12/2023 23:38

Don’t bother. Introverts are kind, empathetic and understanding. Extroverts can’t get their head out their arse and understand that not everyone gets their energy from people and being social, and like to lord it over in passive aggressive dickedness “it’s SO weird you don’t like people”. No, extroverts, you're weird!!!

Show quote history

WTF! I could just as easily say that introverts cop out of contributing to the social glue that holds society together but I wouldn't because it would be ridiculous. You can be introverted OR extroverted asshole (maybe it's just more obvious with the extroverts!). I consider myself a non-shy introvert so while my preference is for a lot of time to myself and social occasions take it out of me, I don't find them anxiety provoking as such. Where do I fit in your typology of people?

phoenixrosehere · 11/12/2023 08:27

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 10/12/2023 23:47

As I said, I don't live in the UK. I find people here really are quite different to people on MN at least. People here still actually drop in on others - they don't need to make an appointment as seems so common in MNland, where people don't even bother to answer the door!!

Show quote history

As another poster pointed out, people are typically more honest about their feelings on an online, anonymous forum than they are to people they know in real life and it would be seen as rude if people said I don’t like/want you in my home to friends and family so many just deal with it. Plenty of people have posted on AIBU that they don’t like certain family members or things about them but get on with it to keep the peace and that likely goes for hosting them.

It’s not a country thing. I’m not from the UK and know plenty of people who aren't keen on visitors or an open door policy and are not ND.

RampantIvy · 11/12/2023 08:28

Bit of a goady post from @LiarLiarKnickersAblaze