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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to absolutely hate people being in my house

159 replies

PullUpTheDrawbridge · 09/12/2023 23:45

I mean I totally hate it. Any form of guest (except family) has me muttering expletives under my breath or in my head within 20 mins. I just want them OUT!

OP posts:
Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 10/12/2023 00:47

@RampantIvy very easy to order online as you can track the delivery and see exactly when it’s going to be delivered almost to the minute. Or if using amazon, just use amazon locker. If you miss Royal Mail it just goes to the dept where you can arrange to collect - although our local postie states exactly when he will re deliver.
trades are the same - all ours text and offer a tracking service in the fifteen minutes before they arrive. Easy!!!

grundvig · 10/12/2023 00:48

Yep I do find it annoying these days. I used to enjoy it a lot more when I had cleaning ladies, funnily enough. Now our dogs are really rude and scary to non-family members so that's helpful, I find. Strictly by invitation only and keeps the rabble away.

Panjandrum123 · 10/12/2023 00:50

I can understand if you’re ND, but if you’re not, what’s with never allowing anyone into your home? Different strokes for different folks I know, but it’s oddly antisocial and weird. I’m hoicking up my judgey-pants.

So what if your house isn’t show home tidy? Mine is definitely not (it’s not dirty, just too small a house for 4 of us and all our stuff), but people have to accept us as they find us.

Dorriethelittlewitch · 10/12/2023 01:00

I can understand if you’re ND, but if you’re not, what’s with never allowing anyone into your home? Different strokes for different folks I know, but it’s oddly antisocial and weird. I’m hoicking up my judgey-pants.

In my case it's trauma related. I was badly hurt in my flat as a student. I've had a ton of therapy but it didn't make a difference. I try and force myself for my kids but I absolutely loathe every single second of visits. I'm on edge for days before hand. I'm dreading Christmas but our house is the biggest.

Zoflorabore · 10/12/2023 01:01

I’ve got autism, ADHD, anxiety and OCD and have always hated having visitors. Both of my dc are the same and are both autistic too and when younger they used to have play dates that were “interesting” because they would just do their own thing and leave me to entertain their friend. We stopped them completely.

now we have a husky it has put off some people from visiting even though he has a wonderful temperament and this has been an unexpected bonus of getting a dog 😊

i once had someone visit, uninvited and stayed for 6 hours and wouldn’t take the hint that it was time to do tea/bath /bed etc so I just carried on regardless.
some people don’t know when to leave!

my ex sister in law was really sociable and hospitable and I used to love visiting for family occasions or just for a cuppa ( lived in next street ) and I somewhat envied how relaxed she was with guests.
it will never be me though. The only person I don’t mind appearing even if I’m up the wall/house a shit tip/in my pyjamas is my mum.

floppybit · 10/12/2023 01:01

MeinKraft · 10/12/2023 00:02

Yes but mainly because people only ever come to my house when I'm not expecting them, the place is a tip and I'm in my pyjamas at an embarrassing time like 4pm.

Hahaha yes, absolutely! I can totally relate to this

hellsBells246 · 10/12/2023 01:04

It is REALLY weird to hate anyone coming to your house. But this is MM, where people are online.

Maybe people who hate interacting in real life prefer to interact online...

Raera · 10/12/2023 01:07

I'm totally the opposite. Any unexpected people always welcome. They can stay for a cuppa, a meal or overnight.
Love having visitors

beautifullittletree · 10/12/2023 01:08

It is REALLY weird to hate anyone coming to your house

It's not REALLY weird at all. It's just different, stop acting as if people are wrong for making different choices about minor things

theduchessofspork · 10/12/2023 01:09

That’s quite unusual OP

Raera · 10/12/2023 01:11

Raera · 10/12/2023 01:07

I'm totally the opposite. Any unexpected people always welcome. They can stay for a cuppa, a meal or overnight.
Love having visitors

And they can bring their dog, but no cats sorry!

MsLavender · 10/12/2023 01:12

I feel the same way OP but I do wish I didn't! I'm pretty sure this stems from never feeling safe as a child in my own home due to living with extreme violence and abuse. I also never had any privacy, diary and poems being read and them used to humiliate me. Now my home is my sanctuary, it's the place I feel safest and having other people here makes me feel on edge and I can't relax at all. Even thinking of someone being in my home makes me feel sick.

I do have a handful of people I can tolerate coming over (for a short time) but even then I'm relieved to see them go.

Circularargument · 10/12/2023 01:20

Dazedandcovidconfused · 10/12/2023 00:28

Same it’s not weird at all

Actually it is. You're entitled to feel how you like but it's still bloody weird,

Hermittrismegistus · 10/12/2023 01:21

Because I have children who want play dates, mainly. Then the parents seem to want to linger for cuppas at pick up. Rude not to...

Why not host in the garden using a tent or the summer house?

Lifeisapeach · 10/12/2023 01:26

This is me. The thing you said about the sleep over has been happening to me recently. I have mum friends who love having sleepovers because it occupies their kids. But I feel like I can’t enjoy my own home and can’t relax. And I’m OCD anyway so the mess drives me mad.

LinguisticallyCunning · 10/12/2023 01:43

I sometimes wonder if mn were a real place, would you actually ever see or hear anyone else, ever? It sounds like a very lonely and isolating place to be.

I don't mind most visitors to be honest. It breaks up the week and there's nothing better than a fun, jokey and laughter-filled conversation with someone who's company you enjoy to make life feel a bit warmer and happier. I consider myself an introvert but I don't avoid people; I get fed up of too much noise and mess after a while but most visits don't last longer than an hour or so.

Jinpur · 10/12/2023 01:44

beautifullittletree · 09/12/2023 23:55

I'm autistic and I find it invasive so it never happenes

Ditto x2!

RantyAnty · 10/12/2023 01:51

Yes, I feel like a territorial cat!

Lefthandwoman · 10/12/2023 01:59

I'm exactly the same! I only enjoy it if I'm super organised, on top of everything, which I rarely am these days. It's exhausting and worse the older I get. I have a friend who operates an open house policy and says she loves having everyone drop by. My idea of hell!! But then she has a lovely home and mine is not often one I'm proud of, due to working full time, bad health and circumstances and a hugely demanding hobby. I'd honestly have to book leave in advance and after to prepare and recover which I resent.

It's not the social norm, but it's only weird if it's not something you can immediately relate to. People who love it are weird to me!

phoenixrosehere · 10/12/2023 02:22

I can understand if you’re ND, but if you’re not, what’s with never allowing anyone into your home? Different strokes for different folks I know, but it’s oddly antisocial and weird. I’m hoicking up my judgey-pants.

I allow people in my home if I have to but I don’t particularly like to. I prefer going out and meeting up with people somewhere instead. I’m also not fussed about going to their homes either and rather not because there seems to be an unspoken expectation that you must invite them to yours if you go to theirs. I will also be the one that travels to wherever a friend is if that means they don’t come over.

I’m social everywhere else and have spent many years working public-facing jobs but when I come home, the only people I want to be social with in person is my family. Also, with the oldest (8) being autistic, it’s difficult. With his sensory issues he gets upsets out of the blue, once a day or every other day and starts moaning and shrieking, slamming doors, and throwing himself all over his room and the landing outside. He also doesn’t like wearing clothes so is often walking around in his underwear and has a tendency to twiddle with his privates through them and unfortunately takes them out occasionally no matter how many times DH and I have tried to stop such behaviour. He does these things at home but not outside of it (thankfully).

I barely like having family stay but that’s more due to not taking our schedules or the way things are set up for the children into consideration, telling me they’ve done something instead of asking, and ignoring what I’ve said about things in the house and causing more work for me.

thesixleggedpsychopathonthetrain · 10/12/2023 03:36

I take the elementary precaution of only inviting people I actually like.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 10/12/2023 03:45

maddiemookins16mum · 10/12/2023 00:29

It’s quite unusual to have such an extreme reaction to this.
But then this is MN I suppose.
Back in the real world however……….

Yes, the MN world is very different to the real world!!! I also find it unusual to have such an extreme reaction - and I'm very happy I live in the real world!

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 10/12/2023 03:48

beautifullittletree · 10/12/2023 01:08

It is REALLY weird to hate anyone coming to your house

It's not REALLY weird at all. It's just different, stop acting as if people are wrong for making different choices about minor things

Actually, it is REALLY weird. I'm in my 60s and have never met anyone who hates people coming to their house.

However, I don't live in the UK - maybe we are just more sociable here.

adventadvent · 10/12/2023 03:51

Keepitweird · 10/12/2023 00:47

I just don't like people Xmas Grin

Same

Moro93 · 10/12/2023 04:02

I agree that it’s very common in ND people. In autistic and have ADHD and I hate it!! It feels like an invasion. I get extremely anxious when I know someone is visiting and I panic when someone comes to the door unexpectedly. It’s like my house is my safe space where I can be myself. I’m quite on edge when people are in and have to sit with a weighted blanket to feel more relaxed.

I’d love to not be like this. I like the idea of people coming round etc. But it’s just the way I’ve always been, even as a child I used to retreat into my room to read or draw when we had visitors.