AIBU to absolutely hate people being in my house

[PullUpTheDrawbridge]

I mean I totally hate it. Any form of guest (except family) has me muttering expletives under my breath or in my head within 20 mins. I just want them OUT!

YANBU. I hate, hate, hate having visitors, except DPs and my best friend. Even other family or friends I don't really like visiting, I'd rather go to them. I don't know why, I just really don't like having people round.
DD is getting to the age where she wants friends to play after school and I dread the thought.

If you don't have any sen then yes I do think it's a you problem. That in itself isn't a big deal but you should enforce your boundaries in your home. So you just don't facilitate play dates in the house or if you have a partner do so when they are home. Be firm and insist on a meet at the park or softplay etc instead.

I don't allow sleepovers. I don't want my kids sleeping over at other people's homes nor do I want the responsibility of taking care of another person's child overnight. Instead my kids do sleepovers in each others rooms and over Xmas holidays do a sleepovers in our bedroom. We make it fun so they stay up later than normal, pick a film, have popcorn and other treats.

They have done a few playdates and I'm happier if I can have them in the garden the whole time or arrange on a weekend so dh can keep an eye out on the kids whilst I just facilitate snacks.

In essence what I'm trying to get at is I do think your reaction is extreme but that's OK. What I do think you need to get better at is managing your boundaries. I don't think the world will end if you say no to sleepovers or playdates at home but you need to manage your kid's expectations.

You get me men round to check your TV licence??

Is that a euphemism for something?

Sometimes it has to do with what stage you are at in life. When my children were growing up and well into their 20s and still living at home. I had open house for their friends and for my own family. We often had my children’s friends staying over. Nearly every night I was feeding an extra person at dinner. All my younger siblings have lived with me at one point or another when they were younger and between homes. My mother in law lived with us twice for well over 6 months at a time. It was a full busy life.

But I’m over it now. My kids and grandkids still drop in regularly whenever they want, but I don’t want anyone else here. I’m often in my pjs or tracksuit all day, and only get out of them in the afternoon to have a shower and change into a clean pair. I like to go out and socialise on occasion, but my house is now my refuge where I work, read, listen to music, etc..

Came here to say YANBU. I hate people in my house.

I think the difference between you and me is that I'm fine with my stance on this. So why is this an issue? Can't you just not have people in your house??

MN is the Monty Python's 4 Yorkshiremen for the 21st century, in this thread My hatred of visitors is greater than your's!

Personally, I have a drawbridge and vats of boiling tar on the parapet to repel visitors. Top that!

I enjoy short time visitors, but stress about food (I'm not a great cook). I struggle baldy with overnight guests.

I've a friend staying now. She's very undemanding, but I'm exhausted from always being 'on'. Food, entertainment, the extra work, not being able to sloth on the couch & watch whatever I want or just take the kids out etc. I think it's draining this time because I don't know how long she's staying (she's that chill!). Could leave day after tomorrow, could be here a week, or more.

I'm not a fan of playdates as DD's current friend wants me to play too!

YANBU. I enjoy visitors and guests and didn’t at all mind teens being around or play dates when DC we’re young.

I do know people who really really prefer to meet up with others outside of their homes and would try to avoid sleepovers / home play dates for their children, etc.

It’s your home, you can feel about it how you want to! I don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel that it’s a private space that you feel more comfortable in without visitors.

I’d rather have a houseful of our friends than family. I’m usually twitching for family to leave after a couple of hours, but I love when the house is full of friends.

The whole “I’m admitting I’m judgemental, therefore it’s okay” thing makes me laugh.

If YOU are happy having people over whenever and whatever, and enjoy the whole “take me as you find me; people are coming to see me, not my home” vibe, good for you. Literally no one is stopping you living like that. But why do you have to put others down for not feeling the same way?

A lot of people on this thread have joined the “Only on MN; I live in the real world!” bandwagon. But in the real world, do you tell complete strangers that it’s odd they don’t like guests? People interact differently on anonymous forums. Just because you don’t know of anyone like this in the “real” world, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist. All it means is that they haven’t told you that they feel this way.

I take the elementary precaution of only inviting people I actually like.

^This. I do find it strange how strongly some people feel about this, unless they are ND. I don't think it's just an MN thing though. I think a combination of factors (being online, covid, and an increasingly individualistic 'you do you' society) has made people these days less sociable, less tolerant of compromise, more anxious about social interaction, more protective of and confined to their homes and more suspicious of others. People increasingly seem to have a tendency to regard social interaction or having visitors as a huge effort or imposition, or even 'unsafe'.

I'm nd and don't mind a select few visitors. I really dislike going to other people's houses though, I have no control over what happens , who turns up etc etc

Up there with the most mumsnetty response ever 😂

MN is full of rude, cold and odd people with no friends. I don't know anyone like this in RL, but I guess people who are like this tend to dominate online spaces for obvious reasons.

I agree with all of this and I really do find it ‘a huge effort or imposition’. I think menopause has effected me hugely as well though. I used to love having people over and being sociable,, I now find iIt anxiety inducing and draining.

I take the elementary precaution of only inviting people I actually like

I don’t invite people I like either. DM is fine but I had people that we do like invite themselves last weekend as in a ‘we are going to be in your area so will come and visit on X day’ way. They gave a time, but arrived a couple of hours late because they decided to do something else first without telling me. I was like a Jack in the box up and down at the window looking at every car/passer by to see if that was them arriving. I was exhausted and stressed to death by the time they did arrive! They then stayed several hours, rather than the ‘just for a couple of hours’ they had mentioned so it ended up I had to cook a meal I hadn’t planned on cooking. I was on the verge of losing it by the time they had had several after dinner coffees and finally got their coats on. I’m usually in my PJ’s by 8 but I then had to then walk the poor dog at nearly 10pm because she’d been hanging on so long. It was very much an imposition.

Instead my kids do sleepovers in each others rooms and over Xmas holidays do a sleepovers in our bedroom.

How is that materially any different to "going to bed"?

It is weird and what will you do when your kids reach teenage years and want friends over?

All it means is that they haven’t told you that they feel this way.

Agree. Anyone that knows me would assume I like having guests in my home because I’m social, smiling, chatty and accommodating when they visit, but I really prefer them coming by and going out for a walk instead of sitting around our home and chatting if they’re going to be around for hours (obviously not going to do this if it’s too cold for them). I was also raised it was rude to be in your loungewear, pjs when you have guests (unless you’re poorly or elderly) so you would need to get dressed in proper clothes when there are visitors.

I didn’t grow up with an open door policy because both of my parents worked and they didn’t want us having people over when they were not home and due to the time and long hours, they were often exhausted so people coming over was usually someone letting us know beforehand or checking in advance that they would be home. Having lived in places where it was due to having roommates, I realised I didn’t like it and am much happier socialising outside of the home.

DH has people over occasionally but he is not a people-person and daily moans about how idiotic people are whenever he leaves the house and has way less faith in humanity than I do.

I don’t understand why it’s a bad thing not to like having guests/visitors if you’re social everywhere else otherwise or even if you’re not.

I think it’s more weird to think people should be more social even in the privacy of their own home because you are and choose to be and assuming someone is ND if they don’t like or do your level of social interaction is ridiculous.

If people enjoy having visitors and guests, great for them, glad they’re happy, but it doesn’t make those that don’t automatically weird or have some type of disability or issue.

This is a parallel universe to me, completely unfamiliar with my experience.

I have friends and family here all the time. Overnight, during the day, even when I’m not here. They don’t go in my bedroom, which is my space but I consider the main areas of my home to be gathering spaces open to basically anyone I like!

Well, i dont have autism and i not only hate people over i also hate going into people's homes or cars. I can can only relax socially on neutral grounds.

And pps saying 'only on MN' i actually wouldnt admit what I just did out loud IRL because i know i'll get judged. I'm far more honest on an anonymous forum than IRL where I'm far more cautous and filtered. I suspect this is why you come on MN and get shocked but thats how many actually feel just dont admit out of not wanting to make things awkward.

*Actually, it is REALLY weird. I'm in my 60s and have never met anyone who hates people coming to their house.

However, I don't live in the UK - maybe we are just more sociable here.*

@ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming how would you know though? The antisocial amongst us tend to not tell visitors we'd rather they didn't bother. I hate people coming to my house, however, when they do I'm a good host - I'll make sure they have plenty of refreshments and chat away giving them my undivided attention.

I still don't like it though.

Nobody IRL knows this about me because it would be rude AF to share that I don't like visitors to people who visit

Nope I have plenty of friends. And happy to socialise anywhere but my home.

I love having visitors.

But the idea of anyone else actually living in my flat, all the time, instead of coming to see me & then going away again, is nightmarish.

They are that age now. Hence the problem. I am currently enduring roughly 2 play dates/ 1 play date and 1 sleepover a week. And hosting Christmas/ Boxing Day to too it off. Wish everyone would sod off.