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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how to get my husband to stop singing.

177 replies

Imevery · 09/12/2023 14:31

My husband is a very nice person. (He’s also bloody annoying a lot of the time, and I’m sure I am too.) About 18 months ago he took up the guitar as a hobby. I’m glad he has a hobby but he plays it about 4 hours a day all round the house, not very well but bearable. Worse, he sings along and he has a terrible out of tune singing voice. He also has ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria so gets really upset at any suggestion that he can’t sing as he really likes music. It’s torture. I am quite musical, can sing well and have recently taken up a new instrument but I practise for an hour a day in a room with a closed door. He is driving me potty. How do I deal with this without hurting his feelings, I’m worried one day I’m going to snap and it will lead to a huge row and he’ll be really hurt.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/12/2023 14:34

Give him a course of singing lessons for Christmas? He'll be out for an hour or so each week and it might make the time he's at home slightly less ear bleeding.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 09/12/2023 14:34

Record him from outside the room. Then play it back on a loop. Loudly.

Didimum · 09/12/2023 14:36

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Hohofortherobbers · 09/12/2023 14:36

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Chickychoccyegg · 09/12/2023 14:38

Honestly, I would have no time for this with a grown adult, I'd tell him to give it a rest, that he's doing my head in.

Hohofortherobbers · 09/12/2023 14:39

When will stop giving grand names to normal emotions?

TulipCat · 09/12/2023 14:40

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GreyCarpet · 09/12/2023 14:56

You suck it up.

This world is full of people who don't sing because someome once told them they can't.

If you don't like it, close the door, put headphones on whatever but don't shame him into stopping because thats just cruel.

How well you can sing is irrelevant and a bit of a dickish point to make tbh.

And I say that as a musician.

Decimbir · 09/12/2023 14:59

You don’t have to say anything about the quality of the singing to say that the quantity is overwhelming you! Is it ok if he’s in a room with the door closed? If so just ask for that.

Foxsoxandgloves · 09/12/2023 14:59

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Precipice · 09/12/2023 15:04

Tell him to practice in a room with a closed door at a set time, as you do. Then arrange to spend that time doing something else, either outside the house or something that his singing and playing won't bother you as much.

It's fine for him to want to sing, even if his singing is awful, if it brings him joy. It's not fine for him to sing in this way, this much or whenever he wants.

TheShellBeach · 09/12/2023 15:06

Why are PP mocking RSD?
It's a well known profile with people who have ADHD.

Pinkflamingopants · 09/12/2023 15:07

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Mummymummy89 · 09/12/2023 15:07

I would find this, and the rejection sensitivity disorder, extremely unattractive.

We all briefly dated a guy in our youths who sent us cringey videos of themselves singing on their guitars. ...we didn't marry them!

Is he very young, like under 25? If so, maybe there's hope he'll grow out of it

Lammveg · 09/12/2023 15:08

Just tell him it's distracting or something rather than it being bad.

Suggest an hour in a closed room to 'really focus on practicing'.

I don't think he'll stop randomly singing in the house though lol

Also have heard of issues with rejection with ADHD, but that shouldn't mean you can never raise something with him, we all struggle with rejection in some way.

Hastheslotharrivedyet · 09/12/2023 15:12

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Mummymummy89 · 09/12/2023 15:13

TheShellBeach · 09/12/2023 15:06

Why are PP mocking RSD?
It's a well known profile with people who have ADHD.

I can only speak for myself but it just seems like stating the obvious, doesn't everyone feel sensitive, when they are being rejected? Should it be a special label?

For me it's like saying, pain aversion disorder, or bereavement grief disorder, or hunger from lack of food disorder. If anyone is in that situation, that's how they're going to feel, it's not unique to people who have a specific neurodiversity

greyhairnomore · 09/12/2023 15:14

For all the piss takers , be glad you don't have it ,

www.webmd.com/add-adhd/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria

Mummymummy89 · 09/12/2023 15:14

It would be more of a unique condition if you had no emotional response to rejection...!

Ramalangadingdong · 09/12/2023 15:15

TheShellBeach · 09/12/2023 15:06

Why are PP mocking RSD?
It's a well known profile with people who have ADHD.

Thank you.

Mummymummy89 · 09/12/2023 15:16

greyhairnomore · 09/12/2023 15:14

For all the piss takers , be glad you don't have it ,

www.webmd.com/add-adhd/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria

From this very article:

RSD doesn’t have an official set of symptoms and isn’t a formal medical diagnosis.

So we are allowed to be sceptical. I'm very sceptical of this modern psychological trend of pathologising ordinary human emotion

GrumpyPanda · 09/12/2023 15:16

Dig out a basement room. Or just a patio.

Keilagh · 09/12/2023 15:17

Mummymummy89 · 09/12/2023 15:13

I can only speak for myself but it just seems like stating the obvious, doesn't everyone feel sensitive, when they are being rejected? Should it be a special label?

For me it's like saying, pain aversion disorder, or bereavement grief disorder, or hunger from lack of food disorder. If anyone is in that situation, that's how they're going to feel, it's not unique to people who have a specific neurodiversity

Show quote history

You could say all that about anxiety though, everyone gets anxious at some point/when faced with certain situations, but that doesn’t mean anxiety disorders don’t exist. It’s about how badly it affects you & your day to day life.

SgtBilko · 09/12/2023 15:18

Mummymummy89 · 09/12/2023 15:16

From this very article:

RSD doesn’t have an official set of symptoms and isn’t a formal medical diagnosis.

So we are allowed to be sceptical. I'm very sceptical of this modern psychological trend of pathologising ordinary human emotion

Show quote history

If ordinary human emotions are disabling for some people we surely shouldn’t be mocking them for it.

randomstress · 09/12/2023 15:18

Show him the Barbie movie at least once, maybe more.
Start wearing noise canceling headphones.