The existence of Father Christmas is a lie that children shouldn’t be told

[maybein2022]

I’ve noticed on social media recently that a LOT of people are posting about not allowing their children to believe in Father Christmas. The rationale being they don’t lie to their children about other things, and it doesn’t sit comfortably with them to create this big ‘lie’. Some talk about how St Nicholas was a real person, some talk about how other children believe in the magic so they shouldn’t spoil it for them etc.

My eldest two are way past believing but it never occurred to me that it was anything more than a harmless story/magic that they would grow out of believing. But I now have a baby/toddler too (too young to understand this year) and wondering if we do the whole thing again.

We’ve always done stockings from FC as small, inexpensive gifts, and always done bigger under the tree gifts from us. A lot of the issue comes with of course not all children will get any gifts at all, and therefore it’s awful if they believe in FC and are disappointed or think they’ve been ‘bad’ (kids living in poverty with no parental money to buy anything, kids living with domestic violence etc). Also the idea that FC brings some kids big gifts and some just small.

So: (I am still on the fence anyway about it all)

YANBU: It’s fine, FC is a magical thing that it’s fine for kids to believe in.
YABU: A lie is a lie, kids shouldn’t believe in FC.

I haven't ever lied to my daughter.

Let's hope children can't use Google

List of Christmas and winter gift-bringers - Wikipedia

Look at all the triggered parents 🙄

Really, you lie to the children to make it "magic" for yourselves not them

he's too young atm so no. However my plan would be to say I don't know why. And tbh as a child I never questioned.

Maybe just outlaw everything that is imaginary…what a boring world we will live in.

Do Santa or not, but will your last child wonder why the older ones have pictures with Santa and stuff but not with them, being a third child they will probably just think you couldn’t be bothered…not a nice feeling..yep been there, now this did hurt me, believing in Santa never did, but realising that my parents couldn’t be bothered with certain things because they’d done all that did.

You can explain the reasoning later when they are older, but trust me, they will just remember that you didn’t bother with them.

Children partly believe in father Christmas because they want to. It's an exciting concept that brings them joy. Much like religion can bring people comfort, but without all the wars and killing. I think that if you 'ban' father Christmas you might as well also 'ban' religion.

Some people might find it odd that people tell their kids that Jesus was the son of god…how do they know that’s true?

So do you not read any fictional books to your children @BabaBarrio? Just because a child choses to believe something doesn't mean they've been 'forced' too. You can foster a child imagination without lying to them.

There’s a middle ground. When very young they believe in Santa becausd they see it everywhere and it’s harmless.

However, I would never ever lie to my child. I am the ONE person I want them to know wouldn’t do that. So as soon as there’s any hint of asking - or if they get to around 5 without asking, I would start to drop hints. it doesn’t stop the magic of Santa/ Christmas - we still play along - but she doesn’t believe in it anymore than she believes there’s imaginary friends or whatnot

I can’t believe it when parents of 8-9 year olds are ‘trying to keep the magic going’. Then they wonder why their 11-12 year old doesn’t confide in them…..

Some people believe that Jesus was the Son of God.
If you tell your child that Jesus was the Son of God (or talk about other Gods, faiths) and also tell them that Father Christmas is real and then they realise that he's not real, they are going to start wondering about other things you've told them.

@cakeorwine

Me either. In the thread, it’s the parents that do Santa that tend to have bragged about lying up to 10x a day to their child.

Don’t outright lie to your children please. Once they ask. You’ve destroyed the one unbreakable bond. You believe what your mum tells you. Destroying that is unforgivable

I can’t believe it when parents of 8-9 year olds are ‘trying to keep the magic going’.

Yes, that's when it's ridiculous. People engineering insane situations and losing their shit because kids talk at school and threatening to withhold presents if children don't "believe" and justifying it with "but the MAGIC!" That's when it's gone wrong. But it's the same as so many other parenting mistakes, when you're centring yourself and not the child.

But that's not comparable to imagining that someone's setting their four year old up for a lifetime of mistrust and dishonesty because they do Santa. Nobody's damaged by that. They're damaged when their natural maturity and realisation gets clipped and repressed because the parents are so frantic about THE MAGIC...probably because they've never actually realised what THE MAGIC really is, or should be.

So you don't do tooth fairy, Easter bunny?never said they can't have a sweet because there's none left when there is loads in the cupboard?never said that something is broken when you know it's not?I genuinely struggle believe that.

Obviously the answer to "why does he bring me loads of presents but he only brings 1 to some other children" is because he's special.

My DC are still quite small but will only believe it for one or two more years I expect. I think it is a magical part of Christmas for small children. I doubt they take it absolutely literally any more than fairy tales or unicorns etc. I don't give a disclaimer before reading Harry Potter that "magicians are not real".

The older one asked if Santa is real. I said I've never seen him. What does he think? He is figuring it out because of his science brain and the sheer logistics of the exercise. I said that it was all started by a man called St Nicholas, he was the first Santa who gave presents anonymously.

Why not let them enjoy some imaginative stories while little?

When my DH lost his job when our kids were little I told them that parents send money to Father Christmas so he can buy/make toys. I was desperate for them to think they hadn't got much because they were naughty. I was glad that we'd always just done stockings from Father Christmas and not main presents.
But I never regretted telling them about Father Christmas and they both loved it.
I wish I could tell DS about Father Christmas to (DDs are teenagers so obviously don't believe anymore) but due to his additional needs he has no interest and doesn't even open his presents.

Plus, I’ve lied to her since she was a toddler about various things - time, something broken, something closed, lots of things

fucking hell. You’re okay with this @StarDolphins?

Yes we read fictional books to our children and we tell them what is just a story and what is real. There is no such thing as a chupacabra, there is no Land of Oz, the moon is not made of cheese, and so on.

Yes, you can foster a child’s imagination without lying to them, that is why we have not lied about Santa.

A child who depends on their parents to tell them what is real and what is imaginary, isn’t choosing to believe in what parents tell them is real. They believe because they trust. Such unconditional trust isn’t to be toyed with and manipulated for adult pleasure in my opinion as a former child and current parent.

Its make believe
Like believing daleks exist
Or enjoying a theatre show or movie

Yes, obviously as I wrote it!

Yes, far worse to indoctrincate a child into believing in an invisible entity who allegedly is watching them at all times throughout life and judging and that if you don't follow their somewhat arbitrary and in many cases pretty offensive rules they will burn you in fire for all eternity! I'm sure that's much less disturbing and damaging for a child than some make believe in early childhood about an imaginary figure giving them some presents once per year. 🤣

Nepmarthiturn
Of the people I know who don't "do" Santa, none have openly told their young children a disclaimer that Santa isn't real. They've just not gone out their way to teach their children that Santa is a literal man in a red suit who sneaks into their house one night a year to deliver presents.

Most people I know who've taken that approach are happy with imagination and their children encountering Santa as a Christmas figure. Just like they don't preface every film with "by the way animals can't talk" or "magic doesn't exist".

Well it's not I just said it would be I don't know why. I never once as a child thought about how many presents I got v others. Until I no longer believed, by then I was old enough to know it was what the parents could afford so never mentioned it.