To send a bereaved person a Christmas card?

[ToSendOrNot]

Unfortunately several people I know have had a close family relative die this year. I don’t know whether it’s the right thing to send them a Christmas card or not. Could it anger them if I send one and they might think it’s callous like life goes on? If I don’t send one will they think I’m avoiding /ignoring them?

YABU - don’t send one.

YANBU - send one as normal. (If this option, what should I write in it)

I would send one, write in that the person is in your thoughts at this time of year

If you usually send them a card, I'd still send on. Probably a bit plainer, with your own words inside.

Send, and write that you're thinking of them, hope they have a restful break and sorry they've had such tough year.

Send one but be mindful of the picture and the message you write.

My father died at Christmas and we were getting cards through the post and some of them were Christmas cards and some sympathy cards. Weird time.

I'd send one, I'm sure they'll appreciate knowing you're thinking of them.

Definitely send a card - just don’t write the usual ‘Merry Christmas and a happy new year!’ message. Write something acknowledging the fact they’ve had a loss / tough year and send them love.

Of course it's ok to send them a card, if you normally do - shows you're thinking of them and wishing them all the best for the new year. Life DOES go on.

Of course you send a card (if you normally would)!! Make sure you don't automatically write the dead person's name in, though. My mum had a few cards the Christmas after my dad died that were addressed to both of them. She was a bit upset, understandably, but eventually she decided it felt like a little bit of him was still around.

My mum died just before Christmas a few years ago. My dad got some lovely Christmas cards from lots of people who would have always sent a card. It was another opportunity to send messages they were thinking of him and had shared nice memories of my mum and Christmas (she loved it!) .
I think a card with an extra message in is a lovely idea for your friends.

Send one, my Mum died in May and I would hate it if people did not send a card because of that.

In these circumstances I send a card that does not say Merry christmas and is one where you write your own words
When i was bereaved I could not believe the number of people who sent cards saying Merry Christmas

Definitely send a card if you usually do. Bereaved people often say that other people feel uncomfortable around them, or cross the road to avoid them. And the first Christmas after a death can be very challenging.

I agree that it would be good to write something like ‘Thinking of you’ to acknowledge the bereavement.

Yes send one but choose something simple and keep the message appropriate, that you are thinking of them etc, not “have a brilliant Christmas and amazing new year!” Etc.

I have a couple of friends who have had parents die this year and I am going to send a 'thinking of you at Christmas' card.

This is something I have done in these situations over the years but I have been around lots of shops and can't find any in there now so I think this must be a tradition that is ending, I have had to order some online. On that basis I think a normal card with the wording carefully chosen would be fine.

If you'd normally send one, send one.

It's a good time of year to ring them up and have a chat maybe? But not as an act of charity, just connection.

As for what you're writing in it - say what is in your heart. Something like 'Thinking of you as the first Christmas without Jack approaches. I hope you can have some enjoyable moments'. If you are normally in touch with them, make a solid offer to meet up , with details. If you're not, leave it at that.

Im not going to guarantee to you that you're going to get it perfectly right. You can't control their reaction. But if you aim to say the truth of what you are feeling, their reaction should at least be honest. I was hurt by a few slightly thoughtless comments in bereavement cards, but not in Christmas cards, and I still preferred receiving them than not.

Don't get upset if you don't get a card back.

I’d still send a card but probably one with a fairly neutral picture (nothing too cartoony/funny/no tactless wording). Similar to this: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1108117122/winter-wonderland-christmas-card-blank?click_key=907e1da4270892ebd5188ebdd1514597ae8bd5d9%3A1108117122&click_sum=d7965321&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=blank+christmas+card&ref=sr_gallery-1-2&frs=1

Ideally blank inside so you can write your own message (the generic ‘merry Christmas and a wonderful new year’ messages probably aren’t appropriate).
I’d go for ‘thinking of you at Christmas’ (for people you don’t know that well) or a longer, more heartfelt message for someone you’re very close to.

A similar situation here. I’ve bought some very plain Christmas cards that are blank inside and will write something along the lines of ‘you will be in my thoughts this Christmas, lots of love and best wishes’.

I lost my dad this time last year and some of the cards my mum received were really inappropriate. No, we didn’t have a fantastic Christmas and a great new year.

Send one with a 'quiet' sort of picture and message - e.g. a robin and 'Season's Greetings' and write in it that you are thinking of them this Christmas.

Or if they follow a Christian religion, a card with a religious picture might be comforting.

Please do, I lost my brother earlier this year I hope people will still send us Christmas cards. It's going to feel sad yes, but I would like to know friends are thinking of me.

It would be a lot more callous not to if you used to!

I lost my son nearly ten years ago and I still hate receiving Christmas cards. I hate if his name is not mentioned on them. Similarly I hate sending cards too.

However I am touched if someone sends a card and remembers him in some way. I still never display them though.

We have decorations up but I still struggle with displaying cards.

Of course you send a card - unless your aim is to go "no contact" with them and think cutting them off at Christmas is the way to begin that (and from your opening post, I think it's not).

Choose the style of the card carefully - it doesn't need to be funereal, but I'd avoid jokey ones (tipsy snowmen, santa cartoons etc) and if the person is bereaved of a child then no nativity scenes. Perhaps a star (hope?), a snowy scene, a robin? (If you can find one from a relevant charity, that's to the good)

Write a message in the card along the lines of "thinking of you at Christmas and the New Year" (it's fine if there's a pre-printed Merry Christmas there as well) and consider including a letter - not a round robin, a personal letter to them.

Send a card saying you are thinking of them but don't expect one back this year. I think it would be wrong to exclude them and make them feel abandoned. Maybe choose a religious card, if appropriate, rather than a jokey one.

Yes, send a card. I would let them know you're thinking of them. Do get in touch with them and arrange to meet up if you can. Don't exclude the person from the usual build up to Christmas - if you usually see them, go to something with them, etc ask them if they want to, don't assume they don't or won't, and in the New Year get in contact again. When things have quietened down can be a really lonely time.

Send a card with an appropriate design, not jolly santas etc. Blank for a suitable message, just saying you are thinking of them.
Don't do what an ex colleague did. Wished me a jolly, joyous Christmas, 4 months after I lost my son.