To be so offended :(

[toospenny]

It was my work Christmas do today.

I am fairly new and was on my best behaviour as I imagine most people would be. I was friendly and made conversations but didn't go wild. I'm generally a very outgoing person but have a history of getting too drunk so reined myself in.

I went to the organised activity and out for the meal afterwards. At the meal there was a lot of pressure to go on to the drinks that had been organised for afterwards.

Half the team went home and half carries on.

I went on to the bar be had a lovely time dancing and chatting. Until one of my male colleagues came over and said to me "I've been discussing this out X and we think you're nice bit very boring".

I was so upset and offended and told him to naff off basically. I then went and sat down to gather my things to leave at which point he came over and tries to engage in conversation.

I told him I was hurt and offended by his comment and he claimed he'd said nothing of the sort and I'd "imagined" it. But other people heard him say it?!

He then said I'd made a mistake. No apology. Full blown gaslighting Bohr was obviously annoyed I'd pulled him up on his rudeness and when I was leaving he hit my "accidentally" twice on the head with his coat.

I am so hurt. I feel like resigning

Poor attempt at a chat up line or conversation starter I’d say. I wouldn’t complain or resign or think of it any more. He might be embarrassed when he realised it upset you and that’s why he denied it.

You have a right to feel annoyed with him. Don´t resign however. This person is not worth losing a job over. I´m not sure what kind of job you have but if you are enjoying it, tell him to take a hike.

Some people are naturally like this( hope they print my image ) … see image . I have gone home from many a party crying because of rude things women have said to me including hearing very bad stuff about myself in a toilet cubicle. I’m very sensitive.

I would like to add that everyone telling you to ignore him and not make a complaint are just enabling this type of bullying and humiliation to continue within the work place. His behaviour is not ok. No female should have to put up with humiliation and harassment. Period.

Of course they shouldn't. But sometimes they risk their job if they push back.

Not an excuse for his rude behaviour (and something that would make me also question if it was the right workplace for me) but has he maybe taken something - suddenly turning and acting so arrogantly?

Sounds like an attempt at a chat up line as well as a dare (he was daring you to do something wild!).

People get offended so easily these days.

Better for you to be boring and turn up at work on Monday not being the subject of office gossip. I know people who have been ‘entertaining’ on works dos, and being pretty mortified come Monday morning.

100% his attempt to chat you up! The man is an ass - best to ignore but if he makes any more similar comments in the future -call him out and report him to management.

@ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming what about hitting her on the head twice with his coat? Not liking that is some sort of lack of resilience?
honestly, I’d be thinking this man has issues

I’d have said « fuck off you little prick » and laughed in his face.

Elegant? No. But gets the job done.

Don’t worry about it. He’s probably been reading that pathetic book that losers who can’t get a woman have. I think it says ignore women and be rude then make a move.

Watch out! Dont ignore your gut instincts. This man is big trouble. You better watch him. Stay well clear of him! Keep a note of any/all interactions with him. Inform supervisor of any thing he says does that makes you uncomfortable. Put it in writing so you have evidence. He’s going to be coming for you in some way.

Don't resign, you've done nothing wrong. You've been restrained as you've said you can go wild at times, sounds like me to be honest.

I see 3 possible options here. 1 ignore it, don't say anything, see what happens. 2 say something to him, stay calm, keep the moral high ground, see if he apologises or see how he responds and then decide what you're best doing. 3 mention this to your / his boss. Whatever you do, you shouldn't have to put up with this. Good luck with whatever you choose.

I don't think he'll apologise at all, he'll pretend it never happened.

So, you either remind him and deal with him when he's sober and see how that plays out or say nothing and see if anything comes from him first?

I would absolutely complain.

Also, he hit you twice "accidentally". Not on. I had someone recently punch me on the arm because I was typing too loudly - I hit right back, however.

These types are abusive bullies. Heaven knows what he is like at home.

As to the daft comments on here "He obviously likes you" - No. Just a bully.

@FreddieMercurysCat I thought it was clever response actually! You clearly don't get my humour.

I was not drunk. Over the course of a twelve hour event I had four single vodka tonics. I'd also had lunch and dinner and lots of water.

I don't know why when a woman says something has happened people find it necessary to find them at fault.

He on the other hand had ploughed his way through multiple bottles of wine over dinner.

I went on to the bar because I wanted to get to know my new colleagues - and also why shouldn't I go on.

I was 99% sober and didn't insult/offend/hit anyone

Don't worry about the comment that he made & don't tell anyone else about it.

I'd rather be perceived as 'boring' than be known for 'having a lampshade' on my head' / go wild at the party.

I think what I'm going to take away from this situation is

• The company's heavy drinking culture isn't for me, so I will start looking for a new role.

• I will go out of my way not to be alone with this colleague as he can't be trusted.

• when I do leave I will make this situation known at my leaving interview.

• I won't work for such a small company with no HR again.

• I'll trust my gut when choosing a role in future!

No matter how drunk he was, or how sober you were, his behaviour was unacceptable. I'm more inclined to believe you as its a new job you don't want to do anything to risk, you're aware that you could go a bit overboard so it sounds like you've deliberately held back, I'm a bit like that. I joke that alcohol improves my rubbish memory only so I can remember all the embarrassing things I may have done the next day.

Remember that you've done nothing wrong here and hold your head up high.

Wow. Reported. Woman’s version of events cannot be trusted as she had four alcoholic drinks over a 12 hour period and got drunk in the past. Fuck me what do you sound like!

Dear toospenny- sounds like standard misogyny to me. even if you are 20 years older, does not mean you are not attractive to him. Sounds like the place you work may be very unfriendly to women. If you get drunk and wild you compromise yourself and get called a slag, or other misogynistic terms. In my view you did well to avoid that. If you don’t get drunk and wild then you can be called frigid/restrained/boring.
you cannot win.
call out the misogyny!
talk about it to female colleagues, support each other . Call out the sexism. Support other women. Know your truth! X

You are quite right to be offended. I would find a better job, and for the record tell your manager / HR exactly why. Life is too short to work with nasty people. Infact, for the record I wd tell HR you wanted to leave because of this incident.