MIL is angry at me for forgetting to cancel dinner rather than me and DH

[Cuddleinacup]

We alternate hosting dinner with in laws every Thursday. This week was her turn.
DD has been up all night with a vomiting bug just one day after our younger DD had had a vomiting bug also. DH and I have maybe had 3 hours of sleep between us for the past 2 days and are utterly exhausted. DH and I both work, I took yesterday off to be with the girls and he took the day off with them today.

Honestly, we both just forgot to let MIL know (frankly we both forgot it was even Thursday) and I'm not saying that's okay, it was a thoughtless oversight for which we're genuinely sorry.
When I got home from work we realised and DH rang his Mum to let her know. I heard the conversation and she was very understanding and as she'd already cooked very kindly stopped by and dropped the food in our porch. I text her to thank her separately and apologies again. She's text back:

"Well, it would have been nice if you'd called earlier, it would have been a shame to waste all this food and I'd preferred not to have to have bothered really. Let me know in future please."

Now, she's not necessarily being unreasonable for what she's said but why was she all understanding and loving with DH and lots of 'oh you poor things, you must all be shattered' etc. but then this with me? And it's not like she hasn't text DH as well to say, actually on reflection I'm mad at you, so it's only me she's sent this to.

Generally I get along very well with MIL so I'm a bit annoyed she's chosen to blame just me for this oversight rather than both of us.

AIBU or as I was the one not home with the girls all day I should have remembered and let her know so am the one she has a right to be annoyed with?

I think there’s nothing unreasonable in the message. It’s just matter of fact and not OTT. Like others I read ‘you’ as plural for both of you. I’d just leave it. If I did reply I’d respond using ‘we’ rather than just putting it all on your husband as some have suggested.

Yet she was sweetness and light and no issues to the dh and curt and telling off to the op?!

Yes, this is what I would do as well.

Honestly OP, if it were me, I’d be annoyed but let it go.

It’s that time before the holidays when everyone is cranky, either coming down/in the middle of/recovering from whatever grunge is goin around, needs a break, has a shit ton of things to do, and generally are just tired.

you sound like you have a lot going on, I wouldn’t add this to your list. At a most show it to your husband and outsource the response to him.

My irritation and anger tends to build with time. My immediate response to this kind of thing would be a breezy 'not to worry, hope you feel better soon.' I reserve the right to be seriously pissed off at a later date.

haha genius- this is what I'd be sending!

Why did she need to do that? Top martyrdom points?

She knew the children were poorly. She should have checked with you if you were coming or not still before doing the food.

Yep this

The every Thursday thing sounds lovely to me! I would just ignore it. She probably feels that she can say it on text. I wouldn't give a smart reply back if the relationship is otherwise good.

I'm not annoyed that she's annoyed, she has every right to be.

I don’t think she does actually. You’re both absolutely shattered from looking after sick kids and forgot to cancel the dinner. That’s a really minor (and understandable) oversight, for which you both proactively apologised. Any annoyance she felt should have ended there.

Hope everyone in your family is better soon and that you get some decent sleep!

I would be extremely annoyed. I cannot imagine my mum or MIL being so snippy and rude over a mistake - they would be empathetic about the balls we are juggling. I would honestly struggle to continue the friendly dinners after being told off like a small child while DH got only sympathy.

Annoying but if the relationship is otherwise a good one let it go and just don’t respond.

YANBU

I think she’s being ridiculous. It was one meal that the both of you forgot due to sick children and lack of sleep. I’d expect a text message or at least if I was in her shoes texting ‘Thank you for the apology and not to worry, just glad that the children are all right, I remember those days’ and asking if there was anything else you needed, not a text like this.

I think “you” probably meant you and DH too. You were thanking her and apologising on behalf of both of you, her response was meant for both of you.

It was pretty inconsiderate not to cancel when your first DD got sick. I would assume her initial response was sympathy when your DH told her because she was genuinely sympathetic about your DDs being unwell and your sleepless night but once she put the phone down she probably thought about it a bit more and felt annoyed that you hadn’t told her sooner. You had several days to let her know.

This was my thought too. More about text vs phone than you vs DH.

Can’t wait to hear her backtracking when her precious son messages her.

It’s a mix of her thinking the sun shines out of her son’s arse, some harboured idea that no one is good enough for said cherub, and a healthy (not) dose of misogyny.

My mil came to visit recently and beforehand I said to dh "we should put the house in order" and he was insistent saying "mum is not a guest, she is family, so we don't need to do anything special. Just a general tidy and as long as her room is nice, that's the main thing."

So within 10 minutes of her arriving, she says "I'm very disappointed in you Angela! You should have made more of an effort when you have guests coming over!"

I laughed at her and said "what made you think it is my responsibility?"

And dh confirmed it was his decision not to turn the house into a show room. She back tracked immediately and said "oh yes of course! I was just joking hahahahahahahahaha".

I hate her.

Anyway, moral of the story is, your mil thinks everything is your responsibility and her precious boy can never be wrong!

This.

I'd forget about it and probably not reply or just say "will do". She wouldn't be getting many messages off me after that. Of course it was wrong of one of you not to say, but these things happen.

Do you think she'd had a drink in between, and gotten a bit bolshy??

Or could FIL have gotten hold of her phone??

I don't see any similarly at all with your experience and the OP.

You are not her child

I know. Unless there is some massive back story. Who would be a mother in law. This is such a non incident! One comment does not define a person, ffs!

Rubbish text/rubbish letter. Blaming just the woman.