To be pissed off

[anonqrtb]

I imagine I will be told i am being unreasonable and that is fine, i just need to rant somewhere as i can't irl.

Me and my partner have worked our asses off for the last 4 years to scrape together enough money to purchase (shared ownership so 40%) our home. We both worked full time in stressful jobs, whilst paying private rent and the cost of living rising and rising. My partner was made redundant in this time due to Covid, so when i say its been a struggle to get here i really mean it.

However, a family member has just been given the EXACT same house a few streets away on our estate through social housing. She never had a job as got pregnant young and had multiple kids afterwards, and she has ended up in the same position as we have. Obviously, both working we do have slightly more spare cash at the end of the month but due to paying mortgage and rent we actually pay more to live in the same house then she does. We worked it out and we basically only have an extra £150 per month than her.

It now turns out that shes really annoyed because her friend has been given a house ont he same estate but hers is larger, detached and with a garage - a house we could have no afforded for another maybe 10 years of saving.

AIBU to think just what is the point in working so hard when it doesnt see to get us any further forward?

I want to point out i have nothing against SH, they provide homes for those who need them. Just feels really deflating

But you have shared ownership and she hasn't been given a house, she is renting

YANNU. I totally understand. It feels like being in the "squeezed middle" really is the most difficult place to be. Don't qualify for social housing (of which the new builds are of a really high standard compared to private 'cheaper' end new builds) and not enough to buy freely without massively struggling.

YANBU 🙂

Longer term you will be better off as building up equity.

Short to medium term yes it does feel like being shafted.

Try to plan some nice days for yourself, seeing friends, baking a cake. The simple things that you can really enjoy, that don't cost much.

Ok would you trade places with her?

When you pay off your house (assuming you staircase it), she'll still have to pay the rent forever, even after retirement age. So the gains you'll have will be very different from hers.

Don't compare apples and oranges.

Thank you this puts perfectly into words how it feels!

We are obviously thankful that we will always have a share in our home of ocurse, and ifngers crossed as career's progress we could buy more of our home. But this is long term 15 years away atleast i imagine.

Right now it just feels the biggest accomplishment so far of our young lives is a really deflating moment knowing that someone has been handed the keys (yes i know for rent but hers is signifcantly cheaper then our mortgage/rent monthly payments) to the exact same thing.

But i know im lucky to have been able to buy a home given the current climate of the world, maybe i need to suck up and shut up with my first world problems!

Whiney humbleboasting. YABU. Also why do we call have to sit on, or work off, our 'asses'? What happened to arses?

But you have an asset and she doesn’t

I completely understand why you feel the way you do OP, it is irritating when you see people with no work ethic get handed things while you work hard to achieve what you have. Ultimately though I'm sure you wouldn't swap places with her so be proud of what you've accomplished and try to put it out of your mind.

You have the option to move if your neighbours are shit she doesn't (and is more likely to suffer from antisocial neighbours).

You have equity in your home, she doesn't.

You have the internal pride of "I earned this", she doesn't.

Jealousy never looks good.

And, it doesn’t sound like you have kids, so your £150 a month more is to support two of you, where hers is to support feed and clothe all these kids she keeps carelessly having.

BTW, where are the dads for these kids? How much do they contribute? Shouldn’t they be providing money and a roof over the heads’ for their kids and the mother of their kids. The mother is looking after the kids, like a mother is expected to, so what is the father/s doing? Do you judge him in the same way?

Social housing should be segregated from private housing - there should be specific estates for social housing so that situations like the OP's are less likely to occur. Also social housing should be means-tested on a regular basis, if people's income rises they should no longer qualify for social housing. Not necessarily be kicked out of their homes but rents should be increased to market levels.

She hasn't been 'given a house'. She is renting it.

Yeah, you’re right, people who can’t afford to buy their own homes should be segregated away from those who can so they don’t make the homeowners uncomfortable, and people of colour should be segregated away from white people so the white people don’t feel uncomfortable, and disabled people should be segregated for the comfort of non-disabled people.

This will be your house and accruing assets, you don't have to ask permission to do anything in your home. Its is yours. You can sell later on and increase size as funds allow.

🙄

If you think it’s easy, then get yourself onto a council list, and wait until they offer you a shiny, new house for “free”. 🙄

What the hell 😂

YANBU for feeling like life is hard - it absolutely is. There is a cost of living crisis, wages are too low, housing is too expensive. All of that means that even though you’re working hard you are struggling to make ends meet.

It is nothing, however, to do with your relative getting a rental property for her and her kids. You know you wouldn’t trade places with her if you could, which should be proof enough that you’re in a better position.

I agree. It would stop people keeping council houses in their families for generations when they don't even need them.

Fucking hell 👀

The saying “comparison is the thief of joy” seems the best response to this post!

I feel your pain OP, and you did say you just wanted to rant.
In my case, a woman I know was given a house round the corner from where we bought. And here's the rub - she told me that she had TURNED DOWN a house in the estate where we lived previously because it was 'too rough'.
It was rough, but we had bought a cheap house there because it was all we could afford, and lived there for years before we moved.
However, as others have said, she will still be paying rent when we have our mortgage paid off so I console myself with that.