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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off

134 replies

anonqrtb · 07/12/2023 09:17

I imagine I will be told i am being unreasonable and that is fine, i just need to rant somewhere as i can't irl.

Me and my partner have worked our asses off for the last 4 years to scrape together enough money to purchase (shared ownership so 40%) our home. We both worked full time in stressful jobs, whilst paying private rent and the cost of living rising and rising. My partner was made redundant in this time due to Covid, so when i say its been a struggle to get here i really mean it.

However, a family member has just been given the EXACT same house a few streets away on our estate through social housing. She never had a job as got pregnant young and had multiple kids afterwards, and she has ended up in the same position as we have. Obviously, both working we do have slightly more spare cash at the end of the month but due to paying mortgage and rent we actually pay more to live in the same house then she does. We worked it out and we basically only have an extra £150 per month than her.

It now turns out that shes really annoyed because her friend has been given a house ont he same estate but hers is larger, detached and with a garage - a house we could have no afforded for another maybe 10 years of saving.

AIBU to think just what is the point in working so hard when it doesnt see to get us any further forward?

I want to point out i have nothing against SH, they provide homes for those who need them. Just feels really deflating

OP posts:
MadameCamembert · 07/12/2023 10:43

Dotjones · 07/12/2023 10:16

Social housing should be segregated from private housing - there should be specific estates for social housing so that situations like the OP's are less likely to occur. Also social housing should be means-tested on a regular basis, if people's income rises they should no longer qualify for social housing. Not necessarily be kicked out of their homes but rents should be increased to market levels.

You do realise that in some areas social housing is as expensive as private rentals? It isn’t ‘free’. People pay…

Do you ever feel embarrassed making public statements on subjects you’re utterly clueless about?

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/12/2023 10:46

Dotjones · 07/12/2023 10:16

Social housing should be segregated from private housing - there should be specific estates for social housing so that situations like the OP's are less likely to occur. Also social housing should be means-tested on a regular basis, if people's income rises they should no longer qualify for social housing. Not necessarily be kicked out of their homes but rents should be increased to market levels.

🤔 I pay full rent, rent increases every year, pay more than I did 10 yrs ago.

Overthebow · 07/12/2023 10:48

I know what you mean op, I’ve thought the same in the past when I’ve seen this happen. It feels like we’ve worked so hard, get no help and have to pay a huge amount more than some others for the same house. But if you step back and look at the bigger picture, you own your house and eventually will be mortgage free. You will get a decent pension from working, as well as the state pension, and have no housing costs. Although this person gets a social house, she still has to pay rent and will have a low income to support herself and her child. I know which position I’d rather be in.

IveOnlyEverHeardOutwithONHere · 07/12/2023 10:54

Sorry @ManateeFair it was Dotjones I meant to quote, not you.

Needsomesupport84 · 07/12/2023 10:55

Has she been given it then? As in she’s the legal owner of it? Generous.

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 10:56

Yanbu sometimes I think it’s not worth working hard and saving for years when others don’t.

Not the same, but my BIL has been given the family house to live in whilst me and my husband have worked our socks off to afford a modest three bed with mortgage.

Delightfuldays · 07/12/2023 10:58

HairdryerMary · 07/12/2023 09:25

Ok would you trade places with her?

This!

Delightfuldays · 07/12/2023 10:59

Dotjones · 07/12/2023 10:16

Social housing should be segregated from private housing - there should be specific estates for social housing so that situations like the OP's are less likely to occur. Also social housing should be means-tested on a regular basis, if people's income rises they should no longer qualify for social housing. Not necessarily be kicked out of their homes but rents should be increased to market levels.

Are you kidding???

Tempnamechng · 07/12/2023 11:02

I get it op. I think we've all felt like this when first starting out. My cousin had 3 children in their mortaged 2 bed starter home, both parents working full time, whilst her school gate friend and husband had been upgraded by SH to a large 3 bed. Remember that it isn't about now, it's about what you are building. A mortgage is an investment and in 30(?) years time you'll have the fiancial stability of a property you own, as well as a pension both from private and NI contributions.

MaryMcCarthy · 07/12/2023 11:03

Isn't the point that you'll own your house and they won't own theirs?

It's a pretty significant difference.

Delightfuldays · 07/12/2023 11:03

@people don't keep houses in their families for generations unless they have been bought.
You are allowed one succession.
So if you are married and the person dies it goes to the spouse. If you are single and have an adult family member living in the property the succession can go to them. But only one succession is allowed

MaryMcCarthy · 07/12/2023 11:04

Dotjones · 07/12/2023 10:16

Social housing should be segregated from private housing - there should be specific estates for social housing so that situations like the OP's are less likely to occur. Also social housing should be means-tested on a regular basis, if people's income rises they should no longer qualify for social housing. Not necessarily be kicked out of their homes but rents should be increased to market levels.

Ever heard the phrase "ghettoisation" ?

Delightfuldays · 07/12/2023 11:05

Dotjones · 07/12/2023 10:16

Social housing should be segregated from private housing - there should be specific estates for social housing so that situations like the OP's are less likely to occur. Also social housing should be means-tested on a regular basis, if people's income rises they should no longer qualify for social housing. Not necessarily be kicked out of their homes but rents should be increased to market levels.

So the poor should be segregated in case they upset those fortunate to have money.
Honestly I can't even believe people think like this.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/12/2023 11:13

Your feelings are understandable.

IveOnlyEverHeardOutwithONHere · 07/12/2023 11:18

Delightfuldays · 07/12/2023 11:05

So the poor should be segregated in case they upset those fortunate to have money.
Honestly I can't even believe people think like this.

Show quote history

Yes, it’s all about money, because plenty of people who live in their own houses don’t work and never have, and plenty of people work hard but could never afford to buy, me being one of them. I rent privately though so I guess we need our own segregated little ghetto. Although, what about those who rent privately who claim benefits vs those who don’t? We can’t have working couples or those in well-paid jobs discomforted by those whose employers don’t pay them enough to live on. And what about disabled people who can’t work? This is all getting very complicated, but maybe we should just keep everyone else away from those superior beings who own their own homes?

Tilllly · 07/12/2023 11:25

@anonqrtb
You're getting some really unkind responses on here

I understand how you feel, it is galling sometimes
For me it was not being able to afford another child - couldn't afford the additional childcare or for one of us to give up work
Whilst seeing those on benefits having more children, increased benefits and bigger houses. It's hard to take but it's just how it is. Try not to let it spoil your achievements

mrsmoppp · 07/12/2023 11:26

What is it with people so annoyed at others living in social housing? Stop being so narrow minded and take a step back and think about people's situations and struggles to end up in a position of needing social housing. It doesn't get given to you. You pay rent it's not free and the house yes you're not at risk of being evicted like private but ultimately you don't own the house at the end!

IveOnlyEverHeardOutwithONHere · 07/12/2023 11:29

Tilllly · 07/12/2023 11:25

@anonqrtb
You're getting some really unkind responses on here

I understand how you feel, it is galling sometimes
For me it was not being able to afford another child - couldn't afford the additional childcare or for one of us to give up work
Whilst seeing those on benefits having more children, increased benefits and bigger houses. It's hard to take but it's just how it is. Try not to let it spoil your achievements

How many children do you have? Why didn’t you just quit work and go on benefits? Genuine question, I’m interested to hear your answer.

Ktime · 07/12/2023 11:31

It is shit, OP.

My situation is I scrimped and saved for a deposit on a house in London. Whilst my friends were going out and going on holidays, I was saving money. When I bought a house, with a mortgage, my mum decided she was going to leave the family home in London to my lazy brother.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 07/12/2023 11:53

Separate social housing?? This absolutely should not happen. It would be a return to the ghettos

cadburyegg · 07/12/2023 11:57

So you are a couple with no kids and a dual income, and no disabilities / reasons why you can't work full time, so there's no reason why you won't be able to climb the career ladder, your income will only increase. You own an asset which will likely only increase in value over the years, you may have options to sell and climb the property ladder in the future.

She is a single mum on UC and possibly child maintenance that can't be relied upon. Her career options are extremely limited because she has no work experience and has to be around to look after the kids after school and during the holidays. She will never own the house she lives in.

And you're jealous of her situation because?

Tilllly · 07/12/2023 11:58

@IveOnlyEverHeardOutwithONHere

If it is a genuine question, I don't suppose it ever crossed my mind
We have 2 children, we both work, in the public sector, so not highly paid, but we enjoy our work, with a mortgage on small semi detached

I don't think I see benefits as a lifestyle, but as a stop gap to support you while you are able to support yourself

SisterHyster · 07/12/2023 12:02

Dotjones · 07/12/2023 10:16

Social housing should be segregated from private housing - there should be specific estates for social housing so that situations like the OP's are less likely to occur. Also social housing should be means-tested on a regular basis, if people's income rises they should no longer qualify for social housing. Not necessarily be kicked out of their homes but rents should be increased to market levels.

This sounds like the worst idea ever.

You are basically suggesting ghettos. Looking back at “traditional” estates of yesteryear, where only the unemployed lived in an area; crime was rife; mental health/physical health conditions prohibiting people from working were rife. Services are non existent because nobody can afford to use them anyway; thus people turn to drink, drugs and crime.

Except you take it one step further and say that if people work to improve their situation by getting a job/increasing their income, they’ll lose their home too.

We recently bought a fairly expensive new build, 20% of the estate will be council housing. I don’t care.

therealcookiemonster · 07/12/2023 12:04

Dotjones · 07/12/2023 10:16

Social housing should be segregated from private housing - there should be specific estates for social housing so that situations like the OP's are less likely to occur. Also social housing should be means-tested on a regular basis, if people's income rises they should no longer qualify for social housing. Not necessarily be kicked out of their homes but rents should be increased to market levels.

personally I would prefer if people who agree with your views could live separately to the rest of us. maybe have your own state with no social welfare at all and with nigel farage as your king and suella braverman as queen?

CaineRaine · 07/12/2023 12:19

Dotjones · 07/12/2023 10:16

Social housing should be segregated from private housing - there should be specific estates for social housing so that situations like the OP's are less likely to occur. Also social housing should be means-tested on a regular basis, if people's income rises they should no longer qualify for social housing. Not necessarily be kicked out of their homes but rents should be increased to market levels.

Tell me you vote Tory without telling me you vote Tory 😂