Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this sounds like a rubbish Christmas Day?

356 replies

Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 00:14

We have a 4 year old and a baby. This year we are spending Christmas with the in-laws (they live in a different EU country). DH’s bro and sis will be there, with their kids (both aged 6). The massive fly in the ointment this year is, my SIL couldn’t come on the 24th due to work, so she she’s travelling up on the 25th with her partner and child, arriving at MIL’s around 4pm. It has therefore been decided that we won’t open presents until DSIL and co arrive, at around 4pm. We’ll then have our proper full Christmas Dinner on the 26th.

Am I being a consumeristic spoilt drama queen who is raising my children to be consumeristic spoilt drama queens, or does that sound like a really shit plan when you’ve got little kids?

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me).

Another idea I have thought of would be to let the children open a couple of presents when they wake up and then open the rest when SIL and co arrive.

I can just hear the tantrums now, when our DC wake up on the 25th to be told “yes, Father Christmas has been, but don’t you dare touch those presents!”. I am struggling to think of a way of selling it to her. (There’s also the fact that I think it sounds a bit rubbish for the adults too… Just doing nothing all day until 4pm, and the kids won’t even be distracted with their new toys…)

AIBU to insist and say the proposed plan doesn’t work for us and we want to either do Christmas on the 26th, or let the children open a few presents on Christmas morning? Or am I being materialistic and selfish and we should just go with the flow?

OP posts:
Bearbookagainandagain · 07/12/2023 19:09

I thought Christmas was about family, loved ones and being all together... but it looks like for OP and others it's just about showering their kids with more and more stuff!

I don't think OPs' in laws consider that Christmas is all about the "adults", it's about everyone and sometimes there needs to be compromise. The most important for them is to be together, not to open presents.

Teaching your kid to be patient on Christmas day so he can open his present with his cousin is probably the most valuable present you can give him this year.

Sugarfree23 · 07/12/2023 19:49

Christmas is a bit of both its not exactly going to be a chilled out social day with LOs who've patently waited on Christmas Day and Santa coming constantly asking when can they open gifts.

It's like someone baking a big cake in front of you, you've seen it, smelt it, your waiting on having a big, they plonk the cake in front of you, and say no touch, for hours!

Brefugee · 07/12/2023 20:41

I'm curious to which country has trains on Christmas day.

Germany and the Netherlands in my Experience at least.
Here (Germany) everything is "normal" until around 1-2pm. then Everything closes until 27th. on 24th nothing much runs or works except for emergency services etc. And 25th and 26th are public holidays but trains run, buses, restaurants and bars are open and so on.

3luckystars · 07/12/2023 20:51

The bars open on Christmas Day?

HoppingPavlova · 08/12/2023 01:24

@Sugarfree23 I'm curious to which country has trains on Christmas day

I’m in Australia and all of our trains, buses and teams run on Xmas day - why on earth wouldn’t they? You can’t stop public transport for a day just because ‘Xmas’ surely?

DappledThings · 08/12/2023 07:06

HoppingPavlova · 08/12/2023 01:24

@Sugarfree23 I'm curious to which country has trains on Christmas day

I’m in Australia and all of our trains, buses and teams run on Xmas day - why on earth wouldn’t they? You can’t stop public transport for a day just because ‘Xmas’ surely?

Sadly so. I had one Christmas in Australia and we were amazed and really impressed we could get the tram out to the beach on Christmas day.

Nannyfannybanny · 08/12/2023 08:38

That's it sugarfree,it's one day, often now merged into New years Eve/day especially by the essential office staff one needs to speak to urgently. It was a pagan "winter fest", for some strange reason taken over by religion. Jesus if you "believe" in his birth, according to research a few years ago, would have been in July,shown by the position of the North Star,at that time. Christmas wasn't "designed" for kids,if you are thus inclined it is a religious day. St Nicholas did exist,by all accounts, (the Santa) and gave out food to the poor. Over the years, unfortunately, this has morphed into a commercial greed fest!

Sallybegood · 08/12/2023 08:51

From what I understand, Christmas Eve is the big deal in some European countries, and it’s when they traditionally open presents. So there’s no rule saying Christmas morning is when presents have to be opened, and evidently kids in Germany or wherever are able to cope waiting for presents until the evening of the 24th, if adults tell them that’s when they should be opened. Surely your kid at 4 is too young to have a very fixed idea that Christmas morning is the time, and the baby won’t care. I don’t get why you’re prioritising some arbitrary prearranged schedule over your actual family situation, since the afternoon of Christmas Day is when you can all be together? Do you not like your SIL?

3luckystars · 08/12/2023 09:41

I'm in Ireland and everything stops here on Christmas Day, even the pubs.

(Emergency and Aviation staff etc. still working though.)

Keeva2017 · 08/12/2023 10:00

Are some posters purposefully being obtuse and not reading the ops posts? She clearly wants to find some compromise so that all the children in the family feel included.

She wants to be inclusive but feels the current arrangement doesn’t allow for her child’s enjoyment. She isn’t saying to hell with sil il do my own thing. She wants to open a few presents early so when her daughter wakes up excited, she can open a few presents and play with her toys whilst waiting for the rest of the family.

How anyone can call her a drama queen is beyond me!!! 4 year olds aren’t known for their patience at the best of times, never mind when santas been. My children are lovely but if they couldn’t open a single present for 10 hours, they would be really upset actually.

Sugarfree23 · 08/12/2023 14:50

HoppingPavlova · 08/12/2023 01:24

@Sugarfree23 I'm curious to which country has trains on Christmas day

I’m in Australia and all of our trains, buses and teams run on Xmas day - why on earth wouldn’t they? You can’t stop public transport for a day just because ‘Xmas’ surely?

I'm stunned at Aus. I actually double checked yesterday NO trains run in the UK on Christmas Day, they usually stop early on 24th too.

You'd be hard pushed to find a bus but there are so many independent companies running buses that I'd be loathed to say No buses.

Original poster
Tengreenbottles2 · 08/12/2023 16:15

Sallybegood · 08/12/2023 08:51

From what I understand, Christmas Eve is the big deal in some European countries, and it’s when they traditionally open presents. So there’s no rule saying Christmas morning is when presents have to be opened, and evidently kids in Germany or wherever are able to cope waiting for presents until the evening of the 24th, if adults tell them that’s when they should be opened. Surely your kid at 4 is too young to have a very fixed idea that Christmas morning is the time, and the baby won’t care. I don’t get why you’re prioritising some arbitrary prearranged schedule over your actual family situation, since the afternoon of Christmas Day is when you can all be together? Do you not like your SIL?

I'm not quite sure though how you got from "I'd like to discuss allowing the children to open a couple of presents in the morning, so they don't get upset and think Father Christmas forgot about them" to "I must not like my SIL". I genuinely don't see how she will be affected by us doing that, when she's on a train and won't know what we're doing - and there'll still be presents to open when she arrives.

If it was traditional to open presents on Christmas Eve there, then I think that would be easy enough. "In this country it's done differently from in England, this is what happens, isn't that funny!" end of. But according to DH, they have the same tradition as us - Father Christmas comes overnight and the presents are there when the children wake up. DD is at preschool, and they have been hammering it into the kids for nigh-on a month that Father Christmas comes down the chimney at night on Christmas Eve, and she has an excellent memory (better than mine sometimes) so I can't rely on her just not having any expectations. Now I've had time to think about it, I think what I'm most worried about is if MIL, BIL and SIL intend to carry on their family tradition of not really bothering to make the children think Father Christmas is real (which isn't normal in their country by the way... MIL got called in to the school for a telling off when DH was little, because he had been innocently telling other kids Father Christmas wasn't real). I think I'm secretly worried that they're not going to bother coming up with a good backstory as to why Santa isn't arriving until the late afternoon, and will just be carting presents in from the car to put under the tree while the children are running about, only half bothering to hide what they're doing, and then MIL will say "look, Father Christmas has been!" and my DD will say "no he hasn't, you just put those there" and then burst into tears because Father Christmas still hasn't come, and that will be her belief shattered, on the first Christmas where she would have been old enough to feel the magic.

We really just need to just talk to them again to find out what the plan is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tengreenbottles2 · 08/12/2023 16:18

Also yes, I had never heard of trains running on Christmas Day. Out of interest I looked, and in England it seems there's none (or close to none?) on Christmas Day OR Boxing Day.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 08/12/2023 17:26

I think I'm secretly worried that they're not going to bother coming up with a good backstory as to why Santa isn't arriving until the late afternoon, and will just be carting presents in from the car to put under the tree while the children are running about, only half bothering to hide what they're doing, and then MIL will say "look, Father Christmas has been!" and my DD will say "no he hasn't, you just put those there" and then burst into tears because Father Christmas still hasn't come, and that will be her belief shattered
Such drama. Just tell her now FC brings small stocking presents. Ignore MIL saying she can't have that in the morning and give her small ones as soon as she wakes up. Everything else doesn't need any hiding or elaborate back story. Presents are from who they are from and she has to wait till later to open the stuff that isn't from FC. Job done.

Sugarfree23 · 08/12/2023 17:35

Op if you really don't think they'll make any attempt to keep up the pretence then book an AirBnB or a hotel, have your normal Christmas morning. Open gifts and then only the family gifts will be at MILs later in the day.

The whole thing sounds such a faff that it would be the last time I'd agree to Christmas at theirs until your LO (and any youngers siblings) are well beyond Santa years.

OShoey · 08/12/2023 17:54

Why wouldn't they open Santa's presents as normal but save family presents for when everyone is there? That would make sense to me, so you know which gift is from which family member and who to thank. But the gifts you've got for your own kids, shouldn't that be up to you?

Dinner, I wouldn't be so bothered about if your kids are anything like mine. 25th or 26th the hours will be slaved away in the kitchen and they'll touch non of it anyway! Hope you find a solution that works.

MMAS · 08/12/2023 18:05

Not a drama Queen at all but sounds like you are going to be in a European Country that doesn't celebrate Santa arriving on the 25th. Your PILs need to respect your traditions as you respect theirs and let your 4 yr old open her gifts. The baby won't know any different. Think there may be a lack of communication going on here somewhere but in any case it is up to your partner to sort this. If he doesn't then he clearly has no respect for your own traditions and I would personally question that.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 08/12/2023 18:47

The kids wont care which day the big meal is on. I used to have my stocking gifts in the morning, and the rest of my presents later on. Could you not do that?

Trishthedish · 08/12/2023 18:48

When I was small my dad always worked Christmas morning. We opened our stockings from Santa, and then our other presents after lunch, when dad was home. Never knew any different.

Birchtree1 · 08/12/2023 18:48

When we go to MIL in oreland we don't get to open presents until after lunch. Which ends up being about 4pm or later. I try and make their stockings better!
They are 7 and 9 now but have had this situation several times.
I personally think its quite late but the kids deal with it okay.
Christmas Dinner and day and time doesn't really matter to my children.

Reigateforever · 08/12/2023 18:55

Do children really know the dates and times unless they are told? Just put the date backwards, it does that at granny’s, she is in a different country.

Reigateforever · 08/12/2023 18:58

Don’t have the presents on show, silly Father C left them in ….the garden shed?

mistlethrush · 08/12/2023 19:01

We've always had a stocking first thing in the morning, then breakfast and all out for a walk with the dog, light lunch, presents mid-afternoon, and Christmas Dinner in the evening - this would work pretty well for your predicted timescale so might be worth considering. Yes, Christmas Dinner is in the evening - but dinner parties are in the evening - so it's not much different really...

Onthetipofmytonguetoo · 08/12/2023 19:04

God it’s carnage when everyone is opening pressies together as a big family when kids are involved. I’d be inclined to open everything from you and other relatives. Then when the sil arrives you exchange gifts with her lot and grandparent gifts can be done then too. But it ends up being a bit of a shit show if you try and do All the kids bits together - so many things. So much opportunity for one to sulk that they have t got the same x y z. What if you’ve bought substantially more for your child than they have for theirs or vice versa? It’s entirely a personal prerogative but I’d rather the big communal opening just involve the gifts from the relatives who are present.

Skater78 · 08/12/2023 19:14

I have sympathy I used to worry about things like this in what I always considered very badly organised Christmases with my French in laws. All gifts from Santa, bring made to wait to open gifts for seemingly no reason at all etc. But really it was just that it varied from my own very happy memories of Christmas with my own family , in reality that was the main issue. I still think I do it better at home but I’m attached to my ideas of what it should be like.
they have lots of other things, French traditions and time with their cousins which give them their own happy memories.
we will be going there this year, I hope it passes quickly 😜