AIBU to think this sounds like a rubbish Christmas Day?

[Tengreenbottles2]

We have a 4 year old and a baby. This year we are spending Christmas with the in-laws (they live in a different EU country). DH’s bro and sis will be there, with their kids (both aged 6). The massive fly in the ointment this year is, my SIL couldn’t come on the 24th due to work, so she she’s travelling up on the 25th with her partner and child, arriving at MIL’s around 4pm. It has therefore been decided that we won’t open presents until DSIL and co arrive, at around 4pm. We’ll then have our proper full Christmas Dinner on the 26th.

Am I being a consumeristic spoilt drama queen who is raising my children to be consumeristic spoilt drama queens, or does that sound like a really shit plan when you’ve got little kids?

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me).

Another idea I have thought of would be to let the children open a couple of presents when they wake up and then open the rest when SIL and co arrive.

I can just hear the tantrums now, when our DC wake up on the 25th to be told “yes, Father Christmas has been, but don’t you dare touch those presents!”. I am struggling to think of a way of selling it to her. (There’s also the fact that I think it sounds a bit rubbish for the adults too… Just doing nothing all day until 4pm, and the kids won’t even be distracted with their new toys…)

AIBU to insist and say the proposed plan doesn’t work for us and we want to either do Christmas on the 26th, or let the children open a few presents on Christmas morning? Or am I being materialistic and selfish and we should just go with the flow?

And (to use an mn trope..) SIL has found the thread! Can't imagine why else such a vitriolic response!

Is this more about you than your children? They have no idea what date or day it is. Just delay everything by one day for the "big event" and do a low key meal on the 25th. Its usual for people in Europe to open presents and have the main meal on the 24th, so it's all fluid!

You simply cannot wake up with children on Christmas Day and tell them they can’t sit in their PJs and immediately open their stocking! That’s just mean. Whilst waiting until 4pm for all other presents is a bit pants, not being allowed the stocking first thing is dire! My kids are teens now but the excitement of waking and seeing that stocking on the end of the bed is still the most exciting thing for them! I’d tell MIL ‘fine, we’ll wait until 4pm for everything else but my kids are opening their stockings when they wake up and that’s that’!

The children should be allowed to open either
a) a small stocking from Father Christmas
b) two presents of their choice from under the tree if Father Christmas is bringing everything under the tree

I would absolutely insist on that. Sitting around all day not being allowed to open anything is just going to cause ructions, especially if they are used to opening things first thing in the morning.
Some people have talked about the German (and Austrian) tradition of the Christkind bringing the presents on Christmas Eve. They go into the room and the Christmas tree is lit with candles and the presents are there. The Christmas tree is also put up in secret while the children are occupied elsewhere and that's the first time they see it. But the children are used to that and if you're used to having to wait until 4 or 5 pm on Christmas Eve and then getting your presents from the Christkind that's a completely different matter to children who are used to getting their Father Christmas presents in the morning.

The compromise is that they keep some things to open when the other child arrives but no to them not getting anything in the morning.

Tell your SIL to piss off. If she wants everyone to open their presents together then she should arrive earlier. Not sure why this has wound me up so much!

This is what we did too growing up and big tree presents were later on in the day… normally when my dad got back from work. I just assumed that was the norm!

I'll tell you. Because at the bottom of it, it's about Adults putting themselves before Children.

We spend months, years, hyping kids up for Santa, advent calendars, letters, visits, stories, parties, leaving snacks and drinks out all of it is hyping kids up.

Why do we do it? We do it so kids to have that crazy level of excitement that their dream toy will appear. And that magic in Christmas morning.

Someone messing with it putting themselves first, is resulting in an anticlimax for the child and a slap in the face to the Op who'll have done most of the donkey work, sorting an wrapping gifts, sorting visits and letters.

I think it’s important to acknowledge that 4pm is very late for a 4 year old! My 4 year old by that point is tired and needs to wind down, so having everyone arrive and presents after that time wouldn’t work. Especially if the SIL is delayed on the train etc, it could even be 5 or 6pm. Personally I’d be putting my foot down and insisting that my children will do stockings and presents from mummy and daddy in the morning. Then other family gifts can come later.

This is what I’m thinking, but I’d still rather coordinate to avoid the risk of my nephew catching wind that my DD got a stocking, and wondering why Father Christmas has already been for his cousin but not for him, thereby ruining his Christmas (given he thinks all his presents are from FC). Although the fact they don’t speak each others’ languages yet should play in our favour. “What, that? No, that’s old, we brought it with us.”

Sorry OP, but what gives your in-laws the right to say when YOUR children open their gifts from Santa or from you? Yes, they may be hosting you over Christmas, and they may have different traditions in the country they live in, as to which day and at what time gifts are given, but from what you've said it sounds like it's only the in-laws who live in this country, so tradition there shouldn't affect your children in my opinion. As others have said, chances are the 6 year olds will have been allowed at least one or two gifts before arriving, if only to help keep them quiet on the journey, so how are your kids going to feel about that? Just tell your kids that Santa has left their gifts from him under the tree, and they can open them first thing, but you think it would be nice to wait for the cousins before opening gifts from family, and it will given them time to enjoy Santa's gifts before they have the rest.

Very good point. Ours is normally having dinner by 5pm, and then bed not long after that. Obviously in the holidays things can be pushed back a bit, but still…

Do what you want your children and sod them if they say anything

Why not have Father Christmas deliver a day later for the visiting children, and explain that he knew there would be a problem with the time zones so he would deliver to your house for them especially - “not to be touched until Boxing Day, love Santa”. If the majority of presents are coming with them, then maybe have a note under the tree saying that Father Christmas will leave x’s presents under the tree for tomorrow on his flight back late Christmas Day? Then you can say to your children wouldn’t it be nice to have some presents to open together with x. So they can have stocking presents and a couple of others (you can decide which seem most appropriate) on. Christmas Day and the rest on Boxing Day?

I would suggest compromising all round, but perhaps discussing this all once you are together rather than trying to “negotiate” ahead.

You have your own traditional way of doing things and can gently mention this when you arrive and that you want to uphold a few on the day, without opening everything before the rest of the party arrives.

You can easily tell your own children that Santa has a busy day and that his route is different as you’re abroad and he arrives here at a different time that’s not the same as when you are at home. Keep busy preparing things that Santa might like (bit of baking, colouring etc) that can be left outside the front door for him and his reindeers.

Just ask that the presents to be opened later aren’t in the main room that you are all in so that the children can still see that Santa has left presents. Make it magical in different ways and they will be just fine so will you.

Perhaps don’t try and overthink it all and go with the flow whilst letting a few of your own traditions take place, but adapt accordingly to the different cultures and the fact Santa is magic anywhere in the world and has magical powers that are bloody wonderful wherever you are.

It's not that difficult to get a small sack of kiddies gifts for them to open on waking up on Christmas.
No lies, no deceptions needed.
They just get delivered during the night , Christmas eve. 😲 You can thank me later.

This sounds magical

How about your sister in law tell her children that the English Father Christmas has come to THEM this year and brought some presents to open in the morning and then that the European Father Christmas will leave the other presents under their grandparents’ tree. That means all three children will open something in the morning AND have more presents to open together in the afternoon.
I do recall the absolute magic thinking Father Christmas had actually brought me some toys and they felt far more special than anything else. They have to be opened in the morning ( usually in the parents’ bed circa 5 am!!)

How can there be multiple Father Christmas's / Santa's (Same man different name)?

NORAD tracks Santa. He sets of at 12noon GMT on 24th and zooms round the world.
Given NORAD tracks Santa and have an App for tracking him. Whoosh kids are in bed before he gets too close. Their are bound to be other Apps and things who also track Santa, from different countries and languages.

Op be careful about how many fibs you tell the more illaborate the more holes they'll be in the story.

I think that is horrible that they think they can dictate what you can do with your children and Santa. I would let them open a few presents so they have some toys to play with and why can they not have a proper Christmas Dinner at 5 pr 6pm on Christmas Day. Won't feel like Christmas at all as it is all about the children and don't let them dictate to you as they are not your keepers. Would rather stay at home as it all sounds miserable and controlling.

I have spent many years (20+) working in hospitality and have then spent the past 4 years working for Emergency services and so have never had a full Christmas Day off in the 6 years my DS has been alive. If (like this year) Im on nights then we do an early Xmas day with toast for breakfast then gifts then an early lunch around 12.30. If like next year I'm on days then we just completely ignore the actual day and we do Xmas eve on 25th and Xmas day on 26th when I'm off.

@JRM17 moving the day is probably easy with a 4 year old, not so easy with 6 year olds. The 6 year olds will know.

DS is a Christmas Eve baby. Up until DS's 5th Birthday we could easily move it, Sunday before Christmas, Happy Birthday and he thought he was a year older.
6th Birthday he was aware of dates etc and wanted to know when his birthday actually was. We celebrated on a different day as usual.
This year 6 turning 7 he's counting down the sleeps to both Birthday and Christmas. Which I don't remember him doing last year, 14 & 15 sleeps but they are MOST important things in his head. So I can guarantee he will know. I'm not sure how you convince two 6 year olds it's a different day, without planning in advance ie starting advent calendars and sleep counts on a different day. I think school might have started the sleep count, or its a friend who started it because it wasn't me.

Normally my DH gets Christmas day off, one year when the kids were little (think they were 6 and 4), he ended up having to work as an emergency, we moved Christmas day to the 26th, the whole lot, did Christmas eve on the 25th and Christmas day on the 26th, we delayed family coming round etc, kids were oblivious, we had scrambled eggs for lunch, and watched Christmas TV all day, it was bloody marvelous and too be recommended

I guess that you will have to find a way to make it work. You are British so you are on Santa's British Christmas list, therefore stockings will be delivered to the end of your beds. I think it us fair that these are opened early AM. Maybe you could make sure the cousins get one too? Make sure there is lots to DO in there, maybe a little lego set, a couple of toys and some colouring and crafting activities. Then fill the day with ACTIVITIES until the SIL arrives. Arrange a Christmas hunt around the house, bake and decorate cookies, do Christmas crafting, play board games, go for a walk, watch a movie. Don't WAIT AROUND till Christmas starts, have some fun instead! Then before you know it SIL will be there and it will be present time. You can make this tricky situation work xx

This is one thing I am wary of. My parents did this when I was little, got tied up in all the various fibs - “we have to give Father Christmas the money for the toys,” “he brings the presents round for us to check they’re the right ones” (when we caught them wrapping presents one time), and me and my sister started doubting from quite a young age… by 6 I was knew for sure he wasn’t real, which I now think is sad. I’m glad you get it, it’s not just about the presents themselves, it’s about that unforgettable feeling of pure magic when you wake up truly believing Father Christmas has been in your room.