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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this sounds like a rubbish Christmas Day?

356 replies

Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 00:14

We have a 4 year old and a baby. This year we are spending Christmas with the in-laws (they live in a different EU country). DH’s bro and sis will be there, with their kids (both aged 6). The massive fly in the ointment this year is, my SIL couldn’t come on the 24th due to work, so she she’s travelling up on the 25th with her partner and child, arriving at MIL’s around 4pm. It has therefore been decided that we won’t open presents until DSIL and co arrive, at around 4pm. We’ll then have our proper full Christmas Dinner on the 26th.

Am I being a consumeristic spoilt drama queen who is raising my children to be consumeristic spoilt drama queens, or does that sound like a really shit plan when you’ve got little kids?

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me).

Another idea I have thought of would be to let the children open a couple of presents when they wake up and then open the rest when SIL and co arrive.

I can just hear the tantrums now, when our DC wake up on the 25th to be told “yes, Father Christmas has been, but don’t you dare touch those presents!”. I am struggling to think of a way of selling it to her. (There’s also the fact that I think it sounds a bit rubbish for the adults too… Just doing nothing all day until 4pm, and the kids won’t even be distracted with their new toys…)

AIBU to insist and say the proposed plan doesn’t work for us and we want to either do Christmas on the 26th, or let the children open a few presents on Christmas morning? Or am I being materialistic and selfish and we should just go with the flow?

OP posts:
Butterflywings18 · 07/12/2023 11:41

AelinGalathynius · 07/12/2023 11:22

To answer the “what do you tell your kids if you move Christmas to another day” question. I’m a nurse, so I work Christmas every other year (although not always specifically Christmas Day). My children are still young (oldest 5.5, but I had last Christmas off and on maternity this year so my first working Christmas she’ll remember will be next year) so until now I could get away with just changing the days and they were wouldn’t know, but going forward we’ll just have Christmas on whatever day works best for us and they’ll be told it’s because of mummy’s work. I’ve seen people give their kids letters “from Santa” about how because their mummy/daddy is a doctor/nurse/firefighter/police officer/paramedic/etc he will do a special delivery on day x to deliver their presents instead. It seemed like a cute way to do it, so I might do that.

On the couple of occasions I worked Christmas day the children were up at the crack of dawn. Dh & I joined them to open presents I left for work & DH had Christmas dinner ready for my return. Luckily I was never home late but it would have been Christmas dinner on boxing day if it was. It worked for us.

DappledThings · 07/12/2023 11:44

I agree not letting him open his stocking is unreasonable and I'd definitely push back on that and say it is happening regardless but you're happy to leave everything else. But if they are really getting angry about that reasonable compromise then it’s either “he did come but you can’t touch anything he’s brought you” doesn't sound that bad to me. You can still keep up every FC pretence you want to. Not opening stuff right away doesn't mean you dont get to pretend he's been in the first place.

Beautiful3 · 07/12/2023 11:52

OMG you do realise that they're going to scream with excitement in the morning, when they see their presents under the tree? Imagine their face's when told, no wait 9 hours (if they got up at 7am). They're going to cry! Personally I think that's a horrible thing to do on Xmas day. I'd stay home to avoid the upset. By the way lying to them about the date, isn't a good idea. You have to be honest, just say its Xmas day but nanny doesn't want you to open them until later. If they cry, tell them to go see nanny. She'll soon give in.

FarEast · 07/12/2023 11:52

SpringerLink · 07/12/2023 10:11

I'm from a family with a lot of doctors, so often adults are working Xmas day, or nights, or something else less convenient. We always defer the "big" célébration until everyone can be there. Even if that means Xmas is on 27th or 28th December. The point of it is to be with your nearest and dearest, having a lovely time together. The actual date doesn't matter.

I think you are being a precious drama queen.

This.

OP is insisting that her Christmas takes precedence over her SiL’s when her SiL is affected by circumstances beyond her control (working). It does look like a bit of a power play by the OP.

oodles50 · 07/12/2023 11:54

My Dad used to work shifts and had to work whatever shift fell on Christmas Day. This meant some years he was off, and others he wouldn't finish work until 3pm if he was on mornings. My sister and I always had to wait until he was home until we did presents - usually we would even have to wait until we had then eaten Christmas dinner too (I do remember one year in particular when my sister was almost bursting with excitement). However saying that, 'Father Christmas' always used to leave us a small present on the end of the bed that we were allowed to open when we woke up, and usually we were allowed to open one other small present in the morning if my Dad wasn't there.

Saying that, even on the years my Dad wasn't working (and still to this day) we never open presents until after breakfast, which is always a big cooked affair, so you're talking 10am onwards (we don't eat Christmas dinner until 4/5pm). I think it's nice to not have that mad scramble as soon as everyone is awake.

As other people have already said, best option is a couple of small Santa presents in the morning, then the rest later - I personally think it's nice to have the presents spread out through the day 😊

Original poster
Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 12:06

FarEast · 07/12/2023 11:52

This.

OP is insisting that her Christmas takes precedence over her SiL’s when her SiL is affected by circumstances beyond her control (working). It does look like a bit of a power play by the OP.

Show quote history

Just to clarify again, I’m suggesting letting my child and my nephew open one or two presents from Santa, or a little stocking, in the morning. Does that really affect my SIL that much? We could even hide the toys in our room when she arrives so her child wouldn’t even know his cousins have already opened them…

Also if it was a power play I’d be suggesting it purely to piss them off. I’m not, I’m suggesting it because I’ve got a little girl who has already been chatting excitedly and singing songs about Father Christmas for nigh on a month and I know she’ll be extremely disappointed if she wakes up on Christmas morning and he either hasn’t been, or has been but she can’t touch the presents.

OP posts:
OnGoldenPond · 07/12/2023 12:22

I wouldn't even try to "sell" the concept of waiting until the afternoon to open presents to your small children just because your SIL thinks it's a good idea. Christmas morning is all about waking up early and tearing downstairs to open your presents when you are a kid. No way would I let anyone decree my kids couldn't do that! Hell, I'd struggle with that myself even though I am all growed up! Grin

There will still be exchange of presents to do with your SIL and her kids and your kids when they arrive in the afternoon, that is the usual way these things are done. But main present opening always first thing in the morning for the children.

Sugarfree23 · 07/12/2023 12:24

Ijustdontcare · 07/12/2023 09:58

Have you actually spoken to SIL about this, or has it all come from BIL and MIL?

She's coming on the train (about 6 hours if my maths is correct) with a 6-year-old on Christmas day not a chance in hell she is packing all the presents up and carting them around with her only to have to do the same again a couple of days later on the way home.

Thats may thoughts exactly. She's going to turn up with a handful of things. The majority of her 6yos stuff will be at home.

I'm still amazed the trains are running. I think I'd be looking for a bus or stay at home. Travelling all day with the 6yo sounds rotten.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 07/12/2023 12:26

Yabu to have even entertained the idea... Staying home sounds more appealing surely?

alliscalmish · 07/12/2023 12:27

There's no way I'd tell my 4 yr old on Christmas morning that Father Christmas has been but they can't have their presents until the afternoon! 4yr olds aren't exactly known to be masters of delayed gratification, especially not on Christmas Day. That would just be setting them up to fail, and you'll be dealing with the fallout which doesn't make for a fun Christmas for you. Give your child their presents in the morning but hold one or two back for the afternoon when the other children receive theirs.

Brefugee · 07/12/2023 12:27

Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 11:33

Right, so once again, they are suggesting NO PRESENTS AT ALL until 4pm. No stocking, no little gift from Santa, no little something to tide them over, nothing. And I want to suggest letting them have one or two presents in the morning - not the whole lot - because, apart from the children’s frustration and impatience, I am struggling to think of how that plan can tie in with my child’s belief in Father Christmas… it’s either “he did come but you can’t touch anything he’s brought you”, or “he hasn’t come yet”…

Show quote history

and that is BU and is something you should be countering with "no, stockings are happening"

but the rest? pp saying you'll be "twiddling your thumbs" what the heck do you all do at christmas, or is it all staring adoringly at your offspring as they rip the paper off one present after another

CherryBlossom321 · 07/12/2023 12:31

Nah, that would be a hard no from me.

Sugarfree23 · 07/12/2023 12:35

Your travelling anyway. What's stopping PIL and BIL travelling to SIL and do the whole Christmas thing there?

It seems nuts to have a 6yo travelling on Christmas Day.

MeinKraft · 07/12/2023 12:37

So what you could do is just keep quiet about the fact that it's Christmas, get your husband to take your son out for a walk and when he gets back at 4pm wow Santa has been, cue present opening etc

Or just tell them no

Butterflywings18 · 07/12/2023 12:53

Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 11:00

OK but, again, you’re talking about getting a stocking from Santa in the morning and then delaying the family’s gifts. I have no problem with that, in fact that’s what I will be suggesting we do! They want to have NO GIFTS WHATSOEVER until 4pm, no stocking, no Santa presents, nothing.

Show quote history

Sounds like you have a right Queen bee on your hands 🤦‍♀️

NoKnit · 07/12/2023 12:54

This thread really does sadden me a little.

It seems that consumerism, wants and desires for kids seem to have taken over.

At the end of the day the OPs family have suggested a way they can do it all together as a family. That is the important thing about Christmas not excited children ripping paper off present after present. We all lived away from my cousins on my Dad's side whilst growing up one Christmas we all met up Christmas day. Presents not to be open until after tea so 5pm or so. It still stays in my memory as one of my happiest Christmases.

At 4 your child isn't going to know really what day it is they will just follow what you tell them. They really won't know and if you just do something with them they will forget.

ManchesterLu · 07/12/2023 13:21

SantaBarbaraMonica · 07/12/2023 00:18

I think they open Santa pressies first thing. You can keep all family presents until everyone has arrived. I wouldn’t be letting others dictate beyond that. They can fuck right off. It’s your and the kids Christmas too and opening Santa gifts first thing is a huge part of it for almost every other family on earth. It’s not unreasonable to be inflexible on that.

This is what I would do - and, indeed, what we used to do growing up. Santa presents in the morning, family presents later. It's not up to anyone else when your children open their presents from Santa, nor would I have them waiting around until 4pm on Christmas Day just looking at their gifts under the tree. That's so unfair!

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 07/12/2023 13:33

No dc under 10 would happily agree to the mil's batshit idea imo. Nowt to bloody do with consumerism or any other claptrap... It's fucking Christmas!!

BurbageBrook · 07/12/2023 13:44

That would be a 'no, that won't work for us' from me. Not fair on the kids and yes sounds rubbish.

Butterflywings18 · 07/12/2023 14:18

NoKnit · 07/12/2023 12:54

This thread really does sadden me a little.

It seems that consumerism, wants and desires for kids seem to have taken over.

At the end of the day the OPs family have suggested a way they can do it all together as a family. That is the important thing about Christmas not excited children ripping paper off present after present. We all lived away from my cousins on my Dad's side whilst growing up one Christmas we all met up Christmas day. Presents not to be open until after tea so 5pm or so. It still stays in my memory as one of my happiest Christmases.

At 4 your child isn't going to know really what day it is they will just follow what you tell them. They really won't know and if you just do something with them they will forget.

My children's happiest Christmas memories are when they still believed in Santa. They would run downstairs shouting up to us Santa's been, hurry up. They waited until we joined them minutes later & the mayhem began. We loved it. The mere thought of having under 10s hanging around all day to open presents hours later with the adults wouldn't feel the same but as always whatever works for people. There are very few years when children experience the anticipation & excitement of the first few hours of Christmas morning. We wouldn't have had it any other way. 😁

Brefugee · 07/12/2023 14:46

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 07/12/2023 13:33

No dc under 10 would happily agree to the mil's batshit idea imo. Nowt to bloody do with consumerism or any other claptrap... It's fucking Christmas!!

and yet several of us have explained how our small DCs did exactly that.

There is a compromise here, and i hope OP finds one that doesn't stuff up a woman travelling a long way with a small child to be with her family at christmas.

Original poster
Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 14:55

Brefugee · 07/12/2023 14:46

and yet several of us have explained how our small DCs did exactly that.

There is a compromise here, and i hope OP finds one that doesn't stuff up a woman travelling a long way with a small child to be with her family at christmas.

Show quote history

Except they didn’t do that, because you’ve already said loads of times they opened their stocking first thing, which isn’t the same thing at all as waking up to zilch

OP posts:
Tacotortoise · 07/12/2023 15:28

Well I've done it as a child and it was fine because it was what the other children were doing. Children are pretty flexible and a belief I Father Christmas is not founded in presents on the morning of the 25th.

This sounds very much like the person this would spoil Christmas for is you OP, not your children.

Brefugee · 07/12/2023 15:32

Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 14:55

Except they didn’t do that, because you’ve already said loads of times they opened their stocking first thing, which isn’t the same thing at all as waking up to zilch

Show quote history

and as i have repeatedly said to you that in your shoes i would a) be telling the inlaws that is what would happen and b) go along with the pp who said to coordinate it with BIL and SIL

Sugarfree23 · 07/12/2023 17:28

Op another way to do things is to let Santa deliver to your house early so they already have their Santa gifts before going to ILs as I doubt your going to cart everything anymore than SIL is.

I'm curious to which country has trains on Christmas day.

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