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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does your partner watch porn?

169 replies

Iamawomaninlove · 05/12/2023 22:12

Mine of a few years was looking for something on his phone whilst sitting next to me, I noticed his recent Google search history had a few... questionable titles 🙄 he had been at home for most of the day whilst I was out.
I have been told most people watch it and it doesn't mean anything, even though there are strong opinions towards the industry and rightly so.
I know it's normal to find others attractive, I think just to see all those searches made me feel a bit disappointed. I didn't say anything or let on.

OP posts:
Mothmansknickers · 05/12/2023 22:14

I've never been with anyone who didn't. I also watch it.

jeaux90 · 05/12/2023 22:15

No my partner doesn't. I wouldn't be with anyone who does.

Not because I'm a prude, because I'm a feminist.

Iamawomaninlove · 05/12/2023 22:15

It's just when you see searches like 'Young girl with huge t**s gets very wet', it makes me wonder how old these women are and if that's what he's into sexually. I'm in my mid 30s.

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 05/12/2023 22:15

There are two types of men. Those who watch porn, and those that lie and say they don't watch porn.

Penguinfeet24 · 05/12/2023 22:16

Yes, and so do I if the mood takes me. I have no issue with it at all.

Mothmansknickers · 05/12/2023 22:16

I'm in my 50s, and also consider myself a feminist.

ntmdino · 05/12/2023 22:17

Yep, and so do I. We're both sensible enough not to do so on a device that could be seen by other people, though, FFS.

PermanentTemporary · 05/12/2023 22:35

I don't think so at the moment. I think there are quite a lot of men who generally don't, although very few who never have.

I personally don't wish to censor what dp reads or watches, and I wouldn't take kindly to it from him. But it would be very fair to tell him if I were upset about something he was watching.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 05/12/2023 23:32

KrisAkabusi · 05/12/2023 22:15

There are two types of men. Those who watch porn, and those that lie and say they don't watch porn.

That's what women who are with men who watch porn, actually think and tell themselves to make them be okay with it.

No. Not all men do it.

My DH ran groups for men on probation who talked about women like they were pieces of meat and has a lot of knowledge about compartmentalising women.

He does not watch porn.

People can think I'm daft for believing this, but I really couldn't give a shit what they think they know.

I know my husband and I know he does not support the degradation of women and girls.

LinguisticallyCunning · 05/12/2023 23:37

He says he has been known to do so, on occasion.

DavesRaves · 05/12/2023 23:51

I watch it more than he does.
His porn viewing is so boring that I'd fall asleep. More vanilla than a Mr Whippy.

Saggypants · 05/12/2023 23:56

If my OH does he's incredibly discreet about it, I've never seen or heard anything to suggest he does in 5 years.

SingleMum11 · 05/12/2023 23:58

I hope one day we will look back in horror over the ‘fine to watch porn’ in the same way we look back at the horror of abuse or slavery. Because a lot of porn is abuse or trafficking/slavery. There is not ‘okay’ porn.

DramaAlpaca · 06/12/2023 00:00

I'm as sure as I can be that he doesn't.

redalex261 · 06/12/2023 00:01

There’s porn and then there’s porn. Everyone has differing boundaries of offence. It doesn’t bother me that people watch it, I’ve watched some myself, fairly vanilla! I would not be happy with a partner watching loads of it or favouring the slut-shaming, hair grabbing, degrading, treat women as trash nasty efforts available now. I do feel porn has become far more vile since the internet. If my partner was choosing to watch that kind of product it would put me right off him.

SheerLucks · 06/12/2023 00:05

KrisAkabusi · 05/12/2023 22:15

There are two types of men. Those who watch porn, and those that lie and say they don't watch porn.

I'm afraid I have to agree with this!

Men are animals, it's just the more civilised and intelligent ones who can successfully disguise it.

JeJeJingleBells · 06/12/2023 00:07

Totally this. What’s apparently ‘fine’ by today’s standards will be judged v harshly in the future and rightly so.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 06/12/2023 00:09

jeaux90 · 05/12/2023 22:15

No my partner doesn't. I wouldn't be with anyone who does.

Not because I'm a prude, because I'm a feminist.

Yes, my reasons too.

SnowAndGlow · 06/12/2023 00:11

Your partner searched something with ‘young girl’ in it? I’d be very concerned.

Fivepigeons · 06/12/2023 00:13

I have no idea. Maybe.
I sometimes do. But he's never asked me about it.
The only instance I'd bring it up I think is if there was some problem in our sex life and I thought it might be related to his porn use.
However it is up to you what your boundaries on pornography are. A bunch of Strangers can't tell you what you should feel about it

Coyoacan · 06/12/2023 00:18

SingleMum11 · 05/12/2023 23:58

I hope one day we will look back in horror over the ‘fine to watch porn’ in the same way we look back at the horror of abuse or slavery. Because a lot of porn is abuse or trafficking/slavery. There is not ‘okay’ porn.

Thank you. And women on here boasting about watching it. I wouldn't mind if people were reading or just using their imaginations but having to see women being raped and tortured for their kicks...

Coyoacan · 06/12/2023 00:18

SingleMum11 · 05/12/2023 23:58

I hope one day we will look back in horror over the ‘fine to watch porn’ in the same way we look back at the horror of abuse or slavery. Because a lot of porn is abuse or trafficking/slavery. There is not ‘okay’ porn.

Thank you. And women on here boasting about watching it. I wouldn't mind if people were reading or just using their imaginations but having to see women being raped and tortured for their kicks...

Spencer0220 · 06/12/2023 00:24

My husband doesn't. Nor do I. We both did when single.

I would not be happy to stay married if he did

mapleriver · 06/12/2023 01:39

Mine used to, I didn't bring it up but he's very interested in UFC/MMA so I started masturbating to it quite shamelessly to prove a point. We had a discussion and he doesn't now. I use a keylogger to make sure I'm not in a relationship I'd rather not be in and he's been in the clear since.

TurningtheLightOff · 06/12/2023 01:40

Neither of us watch it. We both were exposed to it by others when we were quite young and made the choice not to watch it ourselves.

I still find it weird that ‘try hard’ women soothe themselves by saying that every single man does it, like men are some weird homogenous mass who have no individual personalities and can’t think for themselves. Talk about misandry!