To think children should have their mothers surname

[Laurendelaney1987]

if the parents are not married. You did the hard work! Why the fuck should the child carry his name?

Oh, you poor thing. It must be dreadful for your identity to be fully tied up to a specific surname. Personally, my identity is tied up to me, not whatever name I choose to use. I hope you manage to find the strength to break free of the constraints of a name.

I always find this argument hilarious.

It's her name as much as it ever was her father's. Men do not own names.

Can we please phase out the expression ‘maiden name’?

Maiden?

Men would never be described in such a sexist infantilising way.

Surely if anyone changes their name it is from their ‘birth name’.

A child's surname should be the mutual decision of its parents and no one else.

In fact, whatever surname people use is a decision for them alone and other people can butt out.

An ex changed his to his middle name because he'd been bullied for it throughout childhood.

Anybody who has had grief about it, can't say it (such as in being unable to say R sounds, for example), is associated with something bad or any other reason connected to their child or adulthood is perfectly reasonable in wanting to change it - whatever you think.

I suspect men get a sense of ownership when the DC gets their name.

Makes it easier to run off. You can leave stuff that’s been labelled with a name tag in a safe place with confidence if you ever want it back.

All of my female friends had to consider changing their name when married. Some out-rightly said that they didn't want to but were pressured into it by people in their families and their husbands i.e. 'its traditional" "why would you want a different name than your kids". Not one of my male friends/relatives were even asked the question, and I am sure that if they did they would have been called names e.g. cuck etc...

Surely an identity is so much more than a name? Also, who are you to say whether a woman should change her surname or not? How strange.

👏

I strongly believe the child should have the fathers surname if you live together as a family.

The main reason being nobody assumes the mother isn’t the child’s mother regardless of surname however a father with a different surname to their child will often be assumed not to be the parent.

In addition to this if you do get married later in life it makes things much easier if you then all want the same surname. I’d not be keen on ever changing a child’s name.

most fathers don’t disappear though do they? Does anyone on mumsnet actually like men lol

True. That is the ideal position.

But you can’t pretend that presently there is not considerable pressure and expectation on women to change their names and for babies to be given the father’s surname. It is the default position that women change their names, and / or a baby is named after its father.

We see this time and time again on MN.

When as many babies are given a woman’s name there will be genuine free choice.

The man could change his name to the woman’s.

Couldn’t he?

And then he would have the same name as his baby.

What’s wrong with that, as an answer to your concerns?

Why do you strongly believe the child should have the fathers surname?

Nah I was bullied all my life for my surname

my kids have their dads surnames

I married and took my husbands surname.

I love it.

personal choice.

However I do think it should be easier to change a child’s surname if they are under 16 and that child wishes to do so without having to get permission from an estranged unmarried partner.

my kids would
like to change their surname to mine (my late dhs, their stepdad) but can’t as my ex who never sees them won’t allow it

I love my own husband. And a select few other men (ie dad, dfil, brothers, own child, nephew etc)

but reading mn and seeing how my friends exes have behaved, then I think being gay sounds like the best option for me if anything happens to DH

OP, why do you strongly believe that the child should have the mother’s surname?

Surely neither mum nor dad has more “right” to give their surname to the child? The child is 50% mum and 50% dad surely?

Woman carried baby for 9 months; underwent labour, and most likely took time off work to look after baby.

a child belongs to its mother.

you hear of far more men fucking off abandoning their kids than you do women

My children have my surname.

You’d be surprised at how rare this is, I have women being quite shocked about this, and assuming that despite being divorced, I still have my exes surname. No, it is my name. My kids are older and absolutely fine with it, but their friends also think it’s weird. Because it is so very, very rare.

My MIL insisted on calling my kids by my exes surname.

Schools send letters to Mr and Mrs SingleMum as they assume we both have our kids names.

My friends are all fairly competent, fair, nice independent women with very good careers. Not one of them has given their kids their surname.

So unfortunately I do think there is a huge stigma around this. You have to really be quite brave honestly to do it. I’ve had smirky comments ‘ultra feminist’ or ‘you can tell she wears the trousers’ etc which is not great for my kids to overhear.

Yabu because it's up to individuals, one parent or double barrel, personal choice

Lol it’s a backup plan I guess!

Though I would say that a lot of the posts on mumsnet are people seeking advice about relationship problems so maybe it just makes it seem like a lot of men are arses. No one bothers posting about the nice ones.

Agree. Mine have my name.

“A child belongs to its mother”. I’ll never ever agree with that but it’s just a difference of opinion.

My SIL was happy for DN to have my DB’s surname. It would have died out otherwise. She has brothers so no danger of her surname dying out.

Mine do. I didn't change my name when I got married.