To think children should have their mothers surname

[Laurendelaney1987]

if the parents are not married. You did the hard work! Why the fuck should the child carry his name?

Hilariously stupid. I mean, why does the mother's father get his own surname here, when he almost certainly got it from someone else too?

The only reason I’ve clicked YABU is because I don’t think it should be a definite if you’re unmarried. Just do what works for you.

FWIW, ex-husband and I weren’t married until DD was 9 months old and she has his surname. I secretly wish I’d given her my name although annoyingly, my maiden name really doesn’t go with her first name. My exes surname sounds so much better. How annoying 😡

I agree OP but people must do what they want, it's nothing to do with me.

That said I do find it amusing that so many women 'don't like their surname' - presumably their father and brothers don't mind the name? Never heard a man say 'oh I'm changing my name as I dont like it. Secondly the whole 'having the same name' - why not take the woman's name then? What difference does it make! My children (unfortunately have a different surname), doesn't bother me - I carried them and birthed them, they are mine. Then there's the women who change their name for whatever reason and then split up and get married again and then change their name again!! What's that about - decided you didn't like your other surname, don't now care your children have a different surname?

At the end of the day it's all about the patriarchy and being brainwashed by 'tradition'. It's the same with women feeling happy/proud they are a 'Mrs' 😂, just why?!

Oh I see there's a new one 'my name doesn't go with the child's first name' but amazingly the man's name always fits perfectly!

Yes, from being on mumsnet for quite some time, it's truly astonishing how much nicer men's surnames apparently are than women's surnames. How much better they flow. 😁

My DHs actually is nicer. Still didn't want it, though. And if you're going to pick based on the nicest sounding ones, no need to limit yourself after all.

My DD has her dad's surname (as do I, even though we've been divorced over 20 years), as mine looks like a cat has walked over a keyboard. I spent most of my pre-name-change life either having to spell my name out, having it mis-pronounced (which some kids at school did deliberately as it could sound like "wanker"). Having gone through that why would I take the risk of my child going through the same? The surname she has is easy, both in spelling and saying so why wouldn't I give her that as a better alternative. Before the...."why not have your mum's name then", comments start, mum couldn't wait to drop her name as her family had an awful reputation with 2 of her brothers being imprisoned for violent crimes.

I agree. But when XP got nasty with me 4 days after a section about it and wouldn't even double barrel the name I wasn't really able to stand up for myself.
The law sides with men on this as I wasn't able to change it even after a decade without seeing him.

The absolute outrage my DCs father and fathers family feel that I gave my child my surname after he left me during pregnancy is almost comically. It's as though they think it's some God given right of masculinity.

If I had kids they'd have my surname so in that sense I agree with the OP. But I also think women shouldn't change their surnames on marriage, and I would never do that. Clearly plenty of women disagree with me on that.

Ultimately it's not actually up to me to tell another woman what she "should" do about her surname or her kids' surnames.

Never minding I pointed out all of the obvious benefits, such as no issues at the airport and admin being easier/child being immediately identifiable as mine with school/doctors/dentist

The current system is fine as it is. You can use your partner's name or your own name.
Personally I don't feel any less attached to my children because they have my partner's name.

I am now married to their father. I really enjoyed having our children at our wedding. It was wonderful. It really added to the day.

Hyphenate. Simple.

I kept my name when I married but gave our baby DH's name as it's easier to say and spell and I've never liked my last name. It shouldn't be the default for it to be the man's name but it's fine to choose whatever works.

Personally I don't feel any less attached to my children because they have my partner's name.

It's nothing to do with personal attachment and everything to do with the practicalities if you split up and the DC are normally resident with someone who does not share their name.

No-one of course wants to think of that scenario when at the stage of a relationship when the DC are actually being born, but a lot of couples do break up. If onwards residency was 50/50 (including family admin) and there had been no abuse, then it might not matter that only one household matched names. That is not however yet the norm in breakups, and in the more typical scenario, then perhaps the practice should be (as it was until only a few decades ago) that the person most likely to be raising the DC in the event of a split is the one whose surname they get.

And in my ideal world couples would make an active choice about whether to blindly follow ‘tradition’ or not.

I’m amazed women changing their surname after marriage is still a thing.

I think.you should do what you want and let others decide to.do what they want .

OK let's recap, DH/DPs name was/is:

• nicer (I didn't like mine)
• easier to spell
• fits better with child's name

Said NO man EVER 😂

I double barrelled my dd surname. Best of both worlds.

It’s up to each adult which surname they wish to have and which they wish to give to their children. It’s my choice to have my husbands surname when I got married and also my choice to give my children their dad’s surname which I also have. Do you

But the mother has the final say in the registry office.

My cousin on my dad's side (my only male cousin), did change his to his wife's name for those exact reasons.

That is literally the worst option. I cringe every time I see it.

What happens if 2 hyphenated people then meet and want children. Do they have 4 surnames?

I know about a dozen mainly older first time mothers who are all in stable relationships for a decade or more but have never bothered getting married.

Every single one has given their child the same surname as their father.

In current times it feels to me that only those who have low expectations regarding the longevity of their relationship default to the mother’s surname.

No of course they don't

It's easy - do as they do in Spain - one half of the mother's and one half of the father's to make the new 2-parter