To think children should have their mothers surname

[Laurendelaney1987]

if the parents are not married. You did the hard work! Why the fuck should the child carry his name?

Yes, absolutely agree that both parents names should be on the passport of any children

@Outofmydepthnow

Is t the entire point of feminism that right of choice ?

No it's not. This is a complete canard and one which I see on this board every day and its maddening that people still don't understand this. Choice is an output of feminism (and a welcome one btw). But it's not the entire point of feminism. According to the Oxford English Dictionary the point of feminism is:

"The belief and aim that women should have the same rights and opportunities as men; the struggle to achieve this aim."

On every thread which touches on feminism people tip up to say "feminism is about choice" and then go on to say feminism enables them to choose to become a surrendered wife or do something else equally anti-feminist.

Feminism enables you to have a range of choices for sure: choices you wouldn't have without feminism because without feminism that wouldn't have been a choice it would have been default or law. But it doesn't follow from that that you can take an incredibly anti-feminist action and then justify it after the event by saying "feminism is about choice".

In other countries children have both surnames from parents and when a woman marries her surname stays the same as when she was born regardless

Absofuckinglutely. Married or no, I think children should be called after their mother. It keeps things simple if she has dc with different fathers, and in the case of divorce and remarriage.

One of my Biggest regrets was using his name.

I agree OP but I did change my name when I got married. My surname was very common and my full name was associated with a stripper type 'celebrity'. I now have a full name that is entirely unique and I like that. My children are also the only people in our family that will carry on my DH's unusual name.

I can only answer for myself. I didn't lose my identity. I have not been subsumed by my husband/ his identity I certainly still have my own. I like that we now share a surname, that we are the 'Pontipine' family, for me it seems like a unit, a team. I took his surname because yes that is the traditional thing to do and what felt right for us. But a good friend of mine, her husband took her name for the same reasons I stated for wanting the same name and they were taking over her farm.

I'm not rude about other women's choice to keep their maiden surname, so please don't be rude about my choice to change mine

Dcs have their dad’s surname. We’ve never married ( I have never wanted to marry, by choice). I just don’t place much importance on sharing the same surname. They are still my DCs and I am still their mum, they were given their dad’s surname as a gesture to dp. It’s really that simple for some people.

This is why, in my country, you get 2 (or more) surnames! One for mother and one for father!
And we dont tend to change surnames, at most we add them on

But then what happens in the next generation? Do they have 4 surnames ? (Two from mum and two from dad?) And so on?

I can't understand why there are so many women who have such ugly or complicated names that they can't wait to change them but their fathers, brothers, uncles or cousins with the same name never seem to have an issue with it.

They can, or they can choose which ones to pass on.
Most people only pass on one surname, but you can decide which one that is.

Totally up to the parents, there is no right or wrong. Regardless of the woman ‘doing the work’ early on, the baby is as much the father’s as the mother’s and both have equal rights in my eyes.

My DD has my name & I’m proud partly on principle & partly because it’s a far better surname than DP’s!

think you are projecting a bit there hun... if you are happy your choice, happy days. I know several women with pretty awful surnames who gladly took their husbands name. but I think i am allowed to not be happy that it's the social norm.

Don't kids automatically get their mums last name unless otherwise specified?

I kept my name when I got married, DC's name is double barrelled.

I voted YABU because all families are different and I hate all these judgements about who is a better feminist etc.

Fwiw I am married, kept my name and my child also has it, so it's not like I'm against the idea or being defensive. Do it if you want but there is no "should" about it.

Surely this is something that should be decided by the unmarried parents. I think it's wrong to make a blanket statement about what surname a child should have.

Indeed. Friends of mine got married a few years ago - woman had exceptionally beautiful surname, man had pretty bad one. Did he change his surname to hers? Absolutely not. She kept hers though thankfully!

He could always change his name to that if the mother of his children.

No, they don’t get any name automatically. A child can be given any surname you like on their birth certificate, different from either or both parents.

What's with all these sweeping statements, and people saying what 'should' happen in families they have absolutely no connection to? The only should is that every couple should do what they want and it is nothing to do with anyone else.

This. When we started to conceive l advised my partner child’s surname would either be my surname, my surname - his surname or his surname - my surname. I also advised there was no point in debating it with me. It ended up being a twin pregnancy and l was 43 so far from easy

Yes give the kid the name the mother got from her father