Constantly changing his mind about marriage and I'm so miserable

[Thefemaleofthespeciesismoredeadlythanthemale]

I feel pathetic and weak. We've been together for several years, I earn £32k, his earnings vary, but he's on a full-time wage. He feels insecure about not having a 'career' which I understand, and I'm constantly trying to help him.
Anyway, he's changed his mind about committing to me around 6 times.
He told me he doesn't think he can provide a nice life for me. I told him I'm not interested in how much he makes, as long as he contributes that's more than enough, I am making my own money.
He told me he wants to give me a big wedding. I told him I'd get married in a pair of jeans and a t shirt tbh, and a nice meal afterwards, I want to marry for love and commitment, I have no interest in a big wedding or an expensive ring.
I could tell him all this until I'm blue in the face but it wouldn't make any difference.
I've packed my bags to leave but then he started saying he 100% wants to marry me. So I believed him. Then after this, he asked if he could have more time to 'think it over'.
He's done this several times now, said he wants it then changed his mind.
I'm 35 and have been very, very clear that I will not be waiting forever. He's younger at 30, but he's hardly some 19 year old.
He says our child would be in poverty if we had one..
Then he says stuff like friends x and y are engaged because they've got more money.
I didn't think commitment was only reserved to the very well off.
I'm miserable and feel trapped. Then he said something about me not being transparent about finances, it's not true but if that's what he thinks fair enough. He has more in savings than me, I've told him what I have.
When I tried to leave last time he was saying 'well it's clear you've made up your mind then' and the latest is that he 'doesnt like to plan ahead and can't imagine too far into the future '. What on earth do I believe.

Love isn't enough. It's important, but it's not even within sniffing distance of enough for a life long relationship. Glad you're making plans.

Arranged marriages suggest love isn't that important. They seem to manage fine.

This...

Start watching some narcissist videos and how to spot them on youtube; google it.

Leave this manchild, get away from him and do it quickly.

Well done OP, you're in shock at the moment, everything will gradually begin to feel different and you will feel better. In the past I ended up as your boyfriend in this situation (not proud of that at all, I ended it) and you have done the best thing for both of you.

Also, you say you don't feel very strong, I think you're showing great strength!

He's telling you an absolute crock of s**t. It's all excuses to put it all off again and again. He's not sure about marrying you. I bet, if he met the woman of his dreams tomorrow, the excuses he's giving you would magically disappear and he'd be married within a year or two- I've seen it happen! Cut your losses x

He’s been devastated 6 times?

He didn't love you!!! Sorry, but you wanted marriage and kids, you made that clear, and he couldn't be arsed!

He didn't even give you the time for a heart to heart talk about why he didn't want those things but still loved you very much, or anything like that. He just made a bunch of non committal grunts which for some reason kept you on your knees begging for crumbs. You're worth more than crumbs woman, come on, on your feet! Keep moving forward.

He just kept saying he's not in a financial position ATM..
He messaged earlier saying he wishes there was just one simple solution he could see before it was too late, whatever that means.

It means nothing, just more cryptic bullshit.

He’s stringing you along. It’ll continue, especially if he thinks you won’t go back to him. Block him
and ignore

My advice is have a rebound, perhaps with the one at work you mentioned, you might be inclined to listen to him when he inevitably tries more BS in the coming weeks/months otherwise. Remind yourself of your worth and have fun.

He's literally texting me now saying he wants to plan a future with me, and he's been realising he does want marriage and children but that he's scared of responsibility. I don't even know what to reply.

I am actually starting to feel more anger towards him now.

Feed that anger, he has been stringing you along for years.

get really mad and then block him

Good. Block him.

This alone tells you he’d be an absolute train wreck of a parent.

I’m not bloody surprised you’re angry!

Hold firm — you’ve done the right thing.

Good. Anger is good! You are swiftly progressing through stages of grief (and so does he as he is clearly trying to bargain now). My advice is to temporarily block him. A couple of days at least, preferably a couple of weeks. Then you can get your head straight and see him for what he is.

You reply "I gave you 4 years to see that's what you wanted and you blew them". Then you block him.

That's quite vague. He's not exactly saying "Come off the pill tonight and we'll book a registry office on Xmas eve."

I'm not usually a LTB person but in this case I think he's 99pc not gonna give you what you need to be content with life and I think the 1pc would be a train wreck. At the first sleepless night he'll say "This is the life you wanted, not me, I'm off."

...and he'd have a point.

You've rolled the dice, go and stay gone.

I couldn't shag or marry someone I didn't love.

He's pathetic, isn't he. You've given him more than enough chances.

All you are throwing away is something broken. You've tried to fix it and it was unfixable.

People who want marriage and kids aren’t scared of responsibility, they want responsibility

In several years time you'll have a family worthy of you and he'll at best be TTC with the aid of viagara because he's been fed lies that men stay perfectly fertile forever, which is not true, then at best he'll manage to impregnate someone young enough and she'll be confused as to why her children have brain and behavioural disorders when it's because his now aged sperms have produced ill children.