To ask how anyone manages school drop offs and going to work?

[BobbidyBibbidyBob]

Maybe I live in a bubble but bear with me.. I am expecting my first child. I currently leave the house at 07.30 and return home circa 19.30 5 days a week (commute to london circa 1.45hrs).

Now, I am aware this isn't necessarily sustainable, but the nursery we will likely use offer 07.30-18.30, so not too difficult to work with. But we live next to a primary school, drop off seems to be circa 08.40. Am I an idiot for wondering how people (seemingly mostly mothers) manage this and get to a job for 9am? Do they just.. not? I find it hard to believe they all have cushty wfh jobs with flexibility but maybe i am wrong? Work part-time? Use childminders or family to do drop offs?

Please someone tell me how you managed this. i haven't even had the baby and am worried about it!

We have used school wraparound but found that even that didn't start early enough for us when we were both teachers. It starts at 7.30. We need to leave around 7 to be in work early enough.

We were lucky enough to have grandparents help for a while and then paid a friend to act as a childminder.

It is very hard to find childcare if your hours aren't 9-5.

I used to have a big commute - couldn't do it once I had a kid - max nursery hours here were 7.30am til 6pm . Got a different job close to home nad worked full-time til the kids started school, but once we had one at school wraparound costs( £6 morning , £12 after school) plus some nursery fees were killing us. No family and it's hard to rely on freinds when they are really little. I went part-time and eventually found a WFH role and back to full time hours. As they are bigger now they walk home and I keep working. Basically stationary career for the last 6 years though. To be honest our nursery wanted an emergency contact who could be there in 30 minutes. I guess better if you have a partner who can or will do 50:50 thats why I now have an ex partner

Live in nanny ages 1-10 then flexi boarding for secondary.

If you travel work too there is little other choice as a lone parent.

You can't commute that much child will be ill and you have to get back. Need to work nearer home.

I started at 9.30 and worked locally. An almost 2hr commute with children is too much I would say. Even if you get the childcare, you'll never see them.

Before and after school club or
Childminder

Most typically do 7-9 and 3-6 wrap around care is usually either on school grounds or based in local nurseries. You could enquire if your nursery offers before and after school care.

There's a government web page called families information service that lists every registered child care provider on your local area. Most accept child care vouchers so you should get 20% tax free saving on your child care.

This. Your poor baby.

I think it is likely to be tough to sustain your current commute with children, unless your partner does shorter days closer to home. Nurseries and school wrap around tend to start 7.30/8 until 6/6.30. You may be able to find a childminder who has more flexibility on hours, but 12 hours at childcare would be a lot to manage.

You also need to factor in who can pick them up when they are ill.

I have to say that most parents I know have one parent who doesn’t work full time (normally the mother). The cost and logistics of childcare both at nursery and with school wraparound make things difficult.

Drop offs and pick ups aside, I disagree with posters commenting that you have to work locally in case of picking up sick children. I’ve always worked 1.5hr commute away, and my DH an hour away. Our twins started nursery at 10 months and are now 6yrs old. We’ve always just left work and picked them up as soon as our commute time would allow – that’s two nurseries and two different primary schools. It’s never been an issue.

I personally don't think being out of the house 12 hours a day 5 days a week is sustainable even without a baby!

I'd be completely re evaluating my life to get a better work/life balance.

People go part time

Part time, start 10.30/11

As most people have said, I have a combination of approaches.

Staggered working hours from DH, after-school club and part-time (me).

On my full-time days DH drops the kids and legs it to the office for 9.30 ish. It means he doesn't get home till 6.30ish though. The kids are in after-school club till 5pm when I can collect. I start at 8am so finish at 4pm. Other days I work part-time hours that were negotiated around school pick-ups and drop-offs.

We stagger our working hours - so DH does drop off before he goes to work and I start work at 7:30am so I can do the pick up. On the day we both have to be in the office we use after school club. I have stalled in my career though tbh as I have gone for the flexibility of my current job over a step up the career ladder.

It will depend on your area. At my children’s primary school, there are a lot of SAHMs and parents who work very part-time and either locally or mostly from home.

Those who work full time use breakfast and after school club and those with very demanding jobs / long commutes seem to use nannies.

In my area it does seem like a lot of people put their career on hold / on the back burner for a bit after they have kids.

Part time 9.30 to 3 for two days, other 3 days full time with shorter commute as satellite office based and after school clubs.

I wouldn’t consider my job cushty just because I’ve had to accommodate looking after my children. But I’m sure OP didn’t mean to be so rude.

Everyone worries about this but we all find a way because we have to. I changed to a fully home based role and am lucky to have flexibility - it's the norm for my team to be offline or dialled into calls while on the school run. I have to make my hours up as I'm billable to end clients but I can do that in the evening or weekend if I need to.

Mine are much older now.
Drop and run vey fast. Although I only worked twenty minutes away.
As they got a little older I left them on the street at the closed school gates with strict instructions!

I work 9-5 and dh works 7-3, we still used breakfast club when I was in the office full time just to give me chance to get in, but now ds is in high school I drop off at 8:10 so all good now.

Dh finishes at 3 so we did use after school club still I case dh had meetings and he missed the crazy pick up time. Again now ds is at high-school all is fine, he often has extra curricular after school or.can go to homework club so pick up is fine. Also as dh and I wfh (well I am in the office once a week) if we need to swap we can.

Moved jobs to be closer to DC’s school, drop them at Breakfast Club at 7:45, get to the office for 8am. I work 35hrs a week so pick up from After School Club by 4:30pm most days unless have a late meeting/emergency in which case have to collect by 6pm.

Just a curiosity question - what makes you choose the finishing up at evenings/weekends over wraparound care? Or is there just none available at your school?

We did husband drops off 7.30 at childminder, I pick up 6pm.

Many people at my kids school have grandparents doing the school run.

You can't expect to both work such long hours with a child unless you employ a nanny/ hae very involved grandparents. Nor I doubt would you want to.

Thank you everyone, for your replies, I really appreciate you all taking the time. In terms of my DH, we both have the same commute and we earn the same, I guess I'm struggling with the fact that most likely I'm going to have to take a large pay cut and probably work in a different industry (due to where we live, options are limited). DH however is afforded more flexibility and I'm sure we could make it work if it absolutely comes to that.

I am also very aware and conscious that I'm unlikely to want to leave my baby for those long days in nursery, in fact it's categorically not what I want at all, I'm just trying to come to terms with worst case scenario as I'm fully expecting my employer to have zero flexibility and I'm trying my hardest not to lose my salary. But, as with all good things, there has to be compromise and sacrifice and it's looking like it's probably salary. Which is hard.

It doesn't have to be you who makes the sacrifice- it could be your husband, although this is rare from my friendship groups.

Are there no flexible workers at your work at all?

Rather than you drastically cutting hours, could you both reduce hours to 4 days a week? If you each have a different non working day you’ll only need childcare/wraparound care for three days.

You could potentially do a longer day on each other’s off day and squeeze 4.5 days into 4. You’d still be achieving 80-90% salary, plus each have a day with baby/child.