To ask how anyone manages school drop offs and going to work?

[BobbidyBibbidyBob]

Maybe I live in a bubble but bear with me.. I am expecting my first child. I currently leave the house at 07.30 and return home circa 19.30 5 days a week (commute to london circa 1.45hrs).

Now, I am aware this isn't necessarily sustainable, but the nursery we will likely use offer 07.30-18.30, so not too difficult to work with. But we live next to a primary school, drop off seems to be circa 08.40. Am I an idiot for wondering how people (seemingly mostly mothers) manage this and get to a job for 9am? Do they just.. not? I find it hard to believe they all have cushty wfh jobs with flexibility but maybe i am wrong? Work part-time? Use childminders or family to do drop offs?

Please someone tell me how you managed this. i haven't even had the baby and am worried about it!

I was always the parent who did a few drop offs and lots of pick ups - kids were left with me, the assumption being I didn't work (I actually worked flexitime from home but that, apparently doesn't count). I didn't mind apart from one family, I'd never know about in advance till said child turned up with mine at pick up saying 'My mum said I'm going to yours for tea' - I wasn't averse to dropping said child at their grandparents if we were doing something else.

Almost all the families I know have two working parents and they all make it work, with the help of childcare/ family/ after school clubs/ the other things already mentioned, but in almost all cases I would say at least one parent has taken a more flexible or WFH role so they can make it all work in the nursery/ primary years. It's sort of inevitable. And it's usually the lower earner who takes the step back to be around more... and that is usually the mother.
You don't mention what your DP does for a living- if he can work part time, from home or very flexibly then there's a chance you could make that length of day work (if you wanted to once the baby was born, which I doubt).
But realistically as you're already sensing now in your post - I really doubt you'll want, or find it practical, to do those hours or that commute once you have had your baby.
First, you'd be paying for three hours of childcare every day just to cover that commute. Childcare works out at about £10 an hour at our (admittedly expensive, but good) London nursery so that would be about £600 a month just to cover the time you were spending commuting, let alone your actual working hours.
Then there's the issue of what happens in case of emergency, or when school or nursery call to say your child has vomited or has a temperature so needs to be picked up (which, believe me, happens all the time and even more frequent when you have two!)
It's even worse when they start school because to make a 12-hour day work you would need breakfast club 7.30-9, then school, then an after school nanny for 3-7pm every day (after school clubs or care at my school only exist until 17.45 and that's considered pretty good wraparound care but still wouldn't be enough for you).
So your 4,5,6 year old child would need to have a very long day of being shuttled around, and for mine at least this was just way too much for them in reception and year one and especially in the cold winter months - they were exhausted after school, and needed to come home to a calm environment and chill and be properly looked after, at least some days of the week.
And then there's the issue that you may not actually want to be away from your child from 7.30 to 19.30 five days a week (that's basically their entire waking life?!)

75% of all mothers work outside the home (compared to ~90% of fathers), so I suspect it’s part time hours or wraparound care, as PP mentioned.

Not working at all is not a choice most parents make, ultimately.

It’s called wrap care 😬. You pay extra for breakfast, afterschool and holiday clubs. Check that your primary school does them, if not you might be best hiring a childminder from the outset - small towns sometimes only have one person who covers an entire school (so there’s a wait list). Lots of disorganised types (usually reception newbies) are frequently on MN bemoaning the lack of support schools offer.

Prior to DGS starting school my DD found that their village primary had an external provider doing Kids’ Club after school, so she successfully lobbied them and the school to start a breakfast club from 0730. For the first term (I think) that DGS was in reception DD had to get into the office later, though she was often able to wfh too. DGS loves breakfast club, he has porridge at home but then enjoys having toast and playing with some of his friends in the hour before classes start.

Breakfast club/wraparound care.
In fact, when picking the primary school make sure to find one that has good wraparound care - not all have the same facilities and options.

They try and find a school with a breakfast club or get a child minder. Who will look after the child from drop off and take it to school.

Years ago for me but I didn't manage it.worked part time for fifteen years and at one point when dc 3 was born not at all.
Consequently now have virtually no pension and a constant feeling of not quite getting to where I should have been on the career ladder.
It made life easier at the time but more difficult now.

I mostly WFH, and do 4 days over 5. On the days I have to be in the office, DH WFH and does pick up/drop off where he can; when he can't, FIL does it for us.

People who do longer hours tends to build strong support networks- relatives, nurseries, childminders, after/before school clubs, summer clubs (or a combo of all). They also alternate who does pick up/drop off etc.

I work 27.5 hours a week so that I can do every school drop off and pick off. Friends use breakfast club, or after-school club, a childminder than does school pick ups, or work it between them with one parent starting early and one working late. And then there’s the 1828812 weeks of school holidays. Still cheaper than nursery though!

I had family that were very local to the school help with pick up and drop offs. I was also very selective with where I worked and never had a commute that was more than 45 mins by bus/30 mins by train.

During the summer I found summer camps that were closer to work so I could pick up and drop off. As I became more senior I could be more flexible with my hours (e.g. starting at 9.30 or 10 and finishing at 5).

Alternatively part time work kept costs down.

Well I had to leave my job as I commuted to London when I was pregnant and I couldn't get childcare early enough in the morning. I did consider taking DS1 with me and putting him in a closer nursery, but it wouldn't have worked so I gave up trying to figure it out. Sorry, that doesn't reassure, but its just how it was.
I got a job more locally and part time (I could have done full time, I just didn't want to leave DS1 at nursery all week - luckily I had that option) The nursery did 8-6 which was always a dash in the evening as I finished at 5.30 but I made it. Then when school started, I used before and after school clubs. And a couple of days of child swaps (so would drop child off at friends house with kids at same school, and they would give them breakfast and take them to school, then I'd do the same with their kids on another day) I would take a shorter lunch to try to pick them up a little bit earlier.
Now its all different as we can work from home. The kids are teens but still need ferrying about. Its all much easier than it was when they were little though.

People recognise their situation beforehand we were young, poor, had no family to help so I gave up on any idea of a career and went to work in a call centre as it was open 16hr a day and worked my time to earn my maternity leave and went back after kids working evenings and husband worked days so we didn’t pay for childcare

on no level whatsoever do I recommend this but I had no choice for lots of reasons

I always had a childminder, as they are usually available much earlier and later than other places.

Breakfast club

Does your partner work the same hours?

On the days we both worked it was a combination of breakfast club and after school club, there is also the option of a childminder who drops off/collects from the primary school or a nanny.

DH and I both work from home and have flexibility so we stagger our days in opposite directions and split it.

I’m very grateful that we don’t need wraparound care because DS is shattered at the end of the day and doesn’t seem to have the boundless energy that other children do.

I work 25 min walk from home with school on route and use after school club.

We live really close to the school which helps. I work 4 days a week so do pick up and drop off on my non-working day. DH does the school run when he's WFH 1-2 days a week, but this only works because the DC are old enough to entertain themselves until I get home at about 4.15/4.30. On the days we're both WOH my Mum or Dad (or sometimes both) do the school run for us, we would be happy to use wraparound but they're insistent that they love the time with the DC, and they're both very fit and healthy.

I know families who use childminders, before and after school clubs, a Nanny, help from relatives, some who work shifts and in some families it makes sense for one or both parents to work part time. I worked 12 hour days before I had the DC, but decided to change career for a better work/life balance and to be around for them more in the week.

Work from home. I went to an event recently, and the people who really go for it are the parents of young children. I wonder why?! I love my job and could probably do it forever, but I have no thoughts at all about moving on and risking going to an office before the children reach secondary.

My son goes to breakfast club and I pick up at normal school time, I've had to get a second job in a school to be able to pick him up. I also work every weekend, knackered!

I've had other jobs where I've needed to use the breakfast club and after school club in reception and yr 1 but it did feel unfair on my ds (he loved the clubs however!) our breakfast club is very reasonable, they charge £1.10 per 15 minutes. I do not miss paying nursery fees I don't know how people are coping with that in this climate.

I just try and remember that it isn't forever and I will be able to work normal hours Monday-Friday when he is older.

2 days a week I wfh, 2 days a week DH wfh and I have Fridays off.
Then in the afternoons a mix of after school club, sport after school, and DH taking flexi time.

Use wraparound, use DH both adjust hours potentially so one can cover drop off and one pick up. Tbh your commute is longer than average which makes it tricky

Mine was before Covid so no WFH

I had a good employer and flexi time available so I could arrange my diary to start from 9ish

Plus I picked a school close to my work so i could drop off on the way to work.

Used after school club at the end of the day.

I was a lone parent so just had to manage my professional ambitions and expectations to fit in

I had to change my job and I moved closer to my teaching job.

Local providers didn't open early enough for me to get to school.